Monday, October 29, 2007

Nurse the Hate: Hate Being Stunned

I am just now getting over what transpired last week when the Indians came back from the brink of victory to snatch a soul crushing loss from the Red Sox. That the Red Sox went through the Rockies like a hot knife through butter only makes it worse for Indians fans. I heard some sports talk turd trot out the old "doesn't it make you feel good to know that the Indians lost to the eventual champions" line. No. No, it doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel like that they choked not just on the ALCS, but rather at the best look they had a championship since the 9th inning of Game 7 in 1997. Next year the Tigers will be healthy, Liriano comes back for the Twins, and the Indians can't expect another year like 2007 from Carmona, Betancourt, Byrd, or Lewis.

The fact is that the nucleus of this team is the same bunch of choke artists that flamed out to the Devil Rays at home to somehow miss the playoffs two years ago. Then when expectations were raised in 2006, they swan dived through April to never recover. The only guys I would make untouchable on that roster are Martinez, Sizemore, Westbrook, Carmona, and Betancourt. Anyone else is trade bait to try and get a winning attitude in there. They need some veteran who's been in big games, and delivered. Gary Sheffield available? Can they squeeze a productive year out of Jim Edmunds? Can Sandy Alomar get knee replacement surgery and catch once a week? Is Scott Brosius still out there? Maybe Reggie Jackson can still swing it. What about Bob Gibson? Can the exhumed body of Phil "The Scooter" Rizzuto contribute?

By the way, the Rockies looked like the 8th best team in the AL out there. Who would you rather play, the Rockies or the Twins? How about Seattle? I think the Red Sox, Indians, Yankees, Angels, Tigers, Twins, and Mariners are all better than Colorado. You could make an argument about a healthy Toronto too. That was the worst looking World Series team since the Yankees beat the crap out of the Padres in 1996.

Random Notes: I saw a really good scruffy country rawk guy named Ryan Bingham open up for the Drive By Truckers last week. Check him out if you have the chance. The best stuff is kind of like a ballsier Todd Snider, or what Whiskeytown should have been...At The Thermals show this weekend, I noticed the "new cool thing to do" is to throw the contents of your beverage at the band/crowd in front of you. I can say confidently that while you may think you are being "punk rock" by doing that, all you are really doing is making the guitar player pissed off because his strings are getting sticky from beer. He (or she)then has to stop, and wipe down the guitar to start playing again while everyone else waits around. The Thermals seemed like nice harmless young adults that would never get mad about it (publicly at least). It is kind of a drag though. If a friend of mine drenches me in some beer, I can live with that. If some scrawny little fuck standing on the edge of the crowd does it, that's not really about enthusiasm with the rock performance, is it? I think that when someone becomes that overzealous about ruining the good time of everyone else, a well placed blow by a mic stand will help restore order. At least, in my experience, it has done the trick...There's going to be a lot of wild talk about this Indy/New England game this week. The Pats are 8-0 vs the spread, so stick with 'em until they don't cover. Stick with it until they give you a reason not to...I tasted my way through an impressive array of 2005 Bordeaux last weekend. If you can, I would advise buying the 2005 Leoville Barton and 2005 Cos d'Estournel. Buy 3 each and stick them away in a cool dark place until 2017. You'll be really happy you did.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Nurse the Hate: Hate Manny

I have been spending a great deal of time watching baseball in the last two weeks, and there are two things that are crystal clear to me.

1) The Cleveland Indians are going to win the World Series. I told anyone that would listen they’d beat the Yankees in 4 and the Red Sox in 5. After they finish off the wildly overrated Red Sox Thursday night, they’ll take care of the Rockies in 6. They’d take care of them in 5, but Borowski will blow a save for them in Colorado. I have never been more clear on anything. It’s like I’m watching a repeat of a television program. Finally, this is the year for Cleveland.

2) Someone needs to put a fastball in Manny and/or Big Papi’s earhole. Those two guys are wayyyy too comfortable digging in at the plate and reaching across for outside pitches. The way Manny was preening last night, you’d think he just won the game instead of hitting an otherwise meaningless solo home run. In his first at bat tomorrow, he needs to hit the deck or get checked for a concussion. That will take care of the #3 and #4 hitters.

I am going to continue to load up on the Tribe. They have been underdogs in this entire series, and I’m expecting they will be Thursday vs Beckett as well. There is no empirical reason to think CC will out pitch Beckett, but it’s going to happen. I don’t know how. I don’t know why, but it’s going to happen.

Random Notes: If I see that no talent unfunny douche Dane Cook one more time in those Fox Baseball promos, I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands. How did this Dane Cook thing happen? Has he ever said anything funny? Ever? Something needs to be done here…I will be attending a fancy pants Bordeaux dinner this weekend where I’ll be swilling down 18 wines including the 2005 Cos d’Estournel, Leoville Barton, and Lynch Bages. The retail prices on these are insane, but they are supposed to be “the bomb”. I’ll have a full report next week…Has anyone released a good CD lately? I’ve been looking around, but it’s pretty uninspiring out there right now.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Nurse the Hate: Hate Yankee Playoff Broadcasts

It can be very taxing watching a national television broadcast featuring the Yankees, can’t it? I am well aware that the Yankees receive three to four times as much exposure during the year, but you would think that the coverage during the playoff games themselves would go 50/50. Not so…Example? Last night the Indians were up 3-0, and Robinson Cano got a flare single to right. The play by play guy drops his voice an octave and proclaims “Here comes the Yankees!”. Every two seconds there’s a shot of Jeter or A Rod on the bench, or Torre (looking like he’s making plans for a two week getaway to Boca Raton and not too concerned about the game itself). Isn’t it time for the broadcast crew to go all the way? Let their love really flow…

“Here comes Hideki Matsui…Godzilla himself stepping to the plate. Wow…Look at the size of the cock on that guy. It must be a foot if it’s an inch. I don’t see ANYONE on the Indians who could possibly have a cock quite that large.” Then Tony Gwynn might try to get in there with his squeaky little voice, “Well, I don’t know…They call Travis HafnerPronk” for a reason…”. Tony then is immediately shouted down. “Look up and down that dugout. What a collection of men with gigantic phallus. It’s truly amazing! I‘ll bet Jorge Posada’s cock is the size of a baby’s arm. There is no way the Indians with their little penises can possibly play to the level of those true men.”

Win or lose tonight (I’m watching game 4 as I write this), the Yankees still do not have enough to win this thing. They have two legitimate starters, and two trustworthy arms in the pen. That’s not going to get by Cleveland, and it’s not going to get by Boston if they somehow get by the Tribe. They are too old, don’t have enough speed, and are the same team Detroit rolled last year. Enough already…

Random Notes: My favorite part of the NFL is that week to week teams are either horrible, or a dynasty. Every week is life or death. Two weeks ago the surprising Lions were a hot team on the rise. This week they get killed by Washington, and now they are going to be lucky to be 7-9, and Kitna needs to be replaced immediately. It’s great!…As I feared, I was thrust into the heart of darkness (i.e. Sammy Hagar’s Cabo Wabo tourist trap). On Saturday, they were going to have an “all star” concert featuring Sammy, Michael Anthony (Van Halen bass player), some guy I never heard of, and Tommy Lee on drums. People were very excited about it, and were going to line up for tickets the day before. Now I ask you, if you were to walk into a room (for free) and see these guys playing, would you stay? I can’t imagine how it could be good. Sammy goofing around in his overgrown frat boy way….Tommy Lee asking girls to “show him their tits”…none of them knowing the songs all that well because they are “jamming”. It’s too horrible to even think about. By the way, you can buy a $25 t shirt from there if you want….Did I, or did I not, tell you to get on the Diamondbacks to win the National League at 8-1? Even if you were on the Angels, you’d be sitting VERY pretty right now…I wouldn’t ordain the Patriots Super Bowl champs just yet. I really like the look of Indy and Pittsburgh. The NFC is a joke...Samuel Peter is in no way a legitimate heavyweight contender...I just spent 5 days drinking Corono out of a keg. If I don't get an IPA in me, I'm going to fucking lose it.