Saturday, October 24, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Still Hate the NFL

I anticipate a major fiasco tonight as The Whiskey Daredevils head to Hollywood Gardens in Rochester PA and their 350 craft beers. After an evening of seventeen IPAs with something like a savage 9% alcohol in each, I don't foresee being interested in typing "news you can use" tomorrow morning. Do not fret... I will now use this down time to give you three 100% guaranteed WINNERS for Sunday. If I were you, I would take all of your 401K money, empty your Mom's purse, and maybe even hold up a gas station to fund this windfall. You cannot lose with these picks! (Well...let's be honest...I'm not exactly on fire, but it has to turn sometime, right? The power of positive thinking will pull us through!)

The Steelers are one of those teams that wins games, and after Sunday has come and gone, you tend to forget how close those games really were. The public thinks, "Gosh, those Steelers sure are good. They always win!". Take a closer look. The Steelers usually play it really close, and just sort of hang around until the 4th quarter. Then their defense makes a play. They score at the end. They win by 3. The spread was 4.5. Don't believe me? Pittsburgh is 1-5 against the spread. I'm taking Minnesota +6. The Vikings are undefeated for good reason, and haven't been an underdog yet this season. Plus, I love to bet against Ben Roethlesberger. Who can root for a guy that has never been seen without a backwards baseball cap? What a Mook.

The Raiders got some attention this week when Richard Seymour said he thought they were a Playoff Team. Sure, they did beat a good Eagle team last week. However it's pretty hard to forget that they got the living fuck pounded out of them by the Giants two weeks ago. And it's also hard to get past the fact that Jemarcus Russell has the stink of a bust on him, and they are pretty much incapable of scoring. The Raiders are sort of like that pretty girl that decided to rebel against her rich parents by hanging out with the chain smoking tech school kids in high school. Lots of potential there, but a lack of motivation. Meanwhile the Jets have had to back off getting the Hall of Fame bust ready for Mark Sanchez. Like all rookie QBs, the NFL has devised a way to stop what he does well, and now Sanchez needs to adjust accordingly. That won't happen this week, and I see this game going UNDER 35. Yeah, that's a really low number, but think of it this way. If the Raiders are good for 10, that means the Jets need to score more than 24 on the Raiders. I'm going UNDER 35.

The Dallas Cowboys are on TV just slightly less than Paris Hilton. And like Paris Hilton, the Cowboys are pretty fucked up. I don't think this is a very good football team. They played a tight game against a Chief team that the University of Toledo could compete with for a half. They lost to the 2 good teams they have played in the Giants and Broncos, and did not impressively beat either Tampa or Carolina. Romo is going to get his receivers killed by all the passes he is throwing high over the middle. (Hey Roy Williams, how are your ribs?) I think Dallas is an 8-8 team and they might lose outright to the Falcons on Sunday. Atlanta has been living dangerously and is no great shakes at 4-1, but they seem like a legit playoff team. This number seems to big to me. This should be a 3 point game. Take Atlanta on the money line, and hedge by taking them +4.5.

Bonus discussion: I would also like to bring to your attention the Cleveland Browns have won their last 3 against the spread. I would also like to point out 12 guys on the team got sent home for being sick with "flu like" symptoms. This is a very bad football team with no offensive weapons facing a high scoring Packer team. Green Bay beat Detroit and St Louis by a combined score of 62-17. Sure, 9 points is a ton to give to a home team in the NFL. But ask yourself, will the Browns win 4 in a row against the spread? It just doesn't seem possible, does it? That's exactly what worries me... That's how those tricky sports book guys built those giant Sportsbooks in Vegas. This game scares me more than a Turkish colonoscopy.


At October 26, 2009 at 2:51:00 PM EDT , Blogger Shinywilly said...

I like your gambling style, it so much matches mine. Pittsburg & Minnesota...WRONG! Pitt 27, Minn 17.
Jets Vs Raiders...WRONG! Jets 38, Oakland 0.

and then to top it all off Dallas Vs Atlanta....WRONG! Dallas 37, Atlanta 21. OMG! Just goes to show that you should never believe everything one reads on the internet!

I hate handicappers!

At October 27, 2009 at 8:06:00 PM EDT , Blogger Greg Miller said...

I know! What a total asskicking I received! The best one was that Minnesota v Pittsburgh game. There's something so sadistically satisfying about seeing the impossible come to life in front of your eyes. I mean, what are the chances of Pittsburgh scoring when it appears that Minnesota is going to either tie it or win it in moments? It was so horrible, it was actually kind of great!


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