Sunday, October 4, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Kid Football




In a strange series of events, I celebrated my big day of college football wins and finally finishing the last vocal tracks for the new Whiskey Daredevils record by knocking back a couple Stone IPAs with a former college roommate at a bar by my house. He called me to meet him after his team of 12 year olds had just pulled off a stunning 14-6 victory in a hotly contested suburban kid rec league game. I thought I was going up to meet just him, and maybe a couple guys he coaches his kid's team with, but the afterglow of the big win must have been too much. It's 11 o'clock at night, and the bar is full of 12 year olds. I thought I was going to Clancy's, but I end up at a Charles "Chuckie" Cheese location. It’s not every day you have the opportunity to sit with a team of little overstimulated kids and their over serious coaches. I have one eye on the Buckeyes and their 17 ½ point spread, and the other listening to some guy tell me his defensive game plan for next week's contest against the dreaded "Avon Lake B". Dude thinks he's Buddy Ryan, you know? Meanwhile I somehow get dropped into a table with 4 kids. I suppose it is an important step in the journey to manhood for kids to be part of an experience like that. Hard work, discipline, sportsmanship, etc... While those kids may have learned something by being part of the team, I think they learned an even more valuable life lesson when Uncle Greg left them with his bill. See you later kids, and thanks for the cold ones.


But let’s not dwell on the past, shall we? There’s a full slate of action today, and as usual I have many poorly formed ideas about what will happen. It seems inconceivable that the Browns will stay within 6 points of the Bengals. In three games the Browns have scored only one touchdown, and that by accident when a Viking defensive back had a gallstone attack late in the fourth quarter and collapsed during game play. Further bad news for the Browns continues to mount as Jamel Lewis will not play, and promising rookie RB James Davis is out for the year. That leaves banged up scat back Jerome Harrison and some guy that was working at a Blimpie three days ago to carry the rock. Logic says all in on the Bengals -6. (This does run against my time tested “counter logic theory” with the NFL, but I just don’t have the stones to bet on Cleveland. Sorry.)

Four out of every five people you meet today have wagered on the over hyped New York Giants to cover nine points in Arrowhead today against the Chiefs. Let me ask you? Do you think the Bellagio built a lake in the desert by offering the public easy money on high profile teams like the Giants? I am going to give it to you straight. The Chiefs totally fucking blow, but they do play their ass off at home. I think they’ll hang around and lose by 3-7 points. Take Kansas City and white knuckle out the +9.

The national media continues to write the obituary for the Pittsburgh Steelers after these close losses to Chicago and Cincy on the road. San Diego, traditionally a bad road team, now travels to Pittsburgh to face a Steeler team in “must win” mode. I heard everything I needed to hear when those limpdick ESPN talk show hosts “Mike and Mike” picked San Diego to win this game. (By the way, can someone tell Mike Greenberg he hosts a sports talk show targeted at men? The consistent weak chinned banter between those two makes me want to fire bomb their studio just so I don’t have to see Greenberg’s next failed TV appearance and his fabulous new game show host haircut. “Golic? Are you telling me that if you lose this bet you’ll wear a Notre Dame stinks t-shirt? Now the stakes are really high!” Get bent you two pussies.) I think Pittsburgh gets it done at home in a close one. I am taking Pittsburgh on the money line.

The Detroit Tigers have almost completed one of the most amazing flame outs in recent memories. Their one solid starter Justin Verlander takes the hill today, so I think they finally get a win. Take the Tigers. As of this moment, I still don’t know who the Twins are running out there. If they start Pavano on short rest, take the Royals. If they start anyone on normal rest, take the Twins. With luck we’ll get a one game playoff in Minnesota Tuesday for the Central…

Random Notes: “The Lightning Fingers of Roy Clark” is a bad ass guitar instrumental record from a guy that seems to be only remembered for yukking it up on Hee-Haw. The reissue is on Razor and Tie, and worth picking up immediately… I applaud whoever is distributing Green Flash IPA in NE Ohio. I’ve seen it everywhere around my house, and that’s a very good thing… At the risk of being the only guy not wearing black clunky glasses and an ill fitting ironic t-shirt, I am going to check out Yo La Tengo tomorrow night. Any woman at that show is probably being forced there against her will. All the guys will look like rock critics… With word of the Pavement reunion, are we now that much closer to the Mighty Lemon Drops reunion we have all secretly pined for?

3 Comments:

At October 5, 2009 at 5:43:00 PM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

Hilarious how "Must Win" invariably becomes "Didn't win again."

Most knowledgeable sports fans as they know every critical juncture where the game changed and their bet crashed, instead of the douchebag ESPN highlight's that give you a whole lot of nuthing with your final score. (More proof they know nothing, went to the UC and OSU games Saturday and this week they decide to jump UC over OSU, when UC's performance was far inferior to OSU's. Idjits)

Reminds me, when you going to get Gary up to speed on 'Dented Fender?'

 
At October 5, 2009 at 5:45:00 PM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

Just cause a team "Must Win" doesn't mean they will. I miss taking peoples money, so this could be a good time for a career change, or more succinctly, a career.

 
At October 5, 2009 at 5:45:00 PM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

Just cause a team "Must Win" doesn't mean they will. I miss taking peoples money, so this could be a good time for a career change, or more succinctly, a career.

 

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