Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Three Things

Here's a few quick things that have sucked this week...

1) I saved a bottle of 1997 Viader and opened it this week to discover it was corked. Is there anyway I can go back in time to get my $65 back from wherever I bought this in 1999? Slowly but surely, I am moving away from cork as the only way to close up wines. Sure, it's cool popping the cork. However, when that wine you have held for a decade tastes like a wet newspaper because of a trace chemical compound on the cork, maybe it's time for the screwtop. That wine would have been really good. If Delia Viader reads this, could she shoot me a bottle of the 97?

2) We played an event at the Rock Hall this week for a taping of the Food Network show "Dinner Impossible". (Yes, you read this correctly. No, I'm not sure how it happened either.) The people at the Rock Hall were awesome to us. It was a well run event with a very attentive staff. They have outstanding people working there top to bottom. I cannot say enough good things about the Rock Hall staff. My issue is with these suburban stiffs that attended this particular event. They think that they are "rock n roll" cause Mom stuffed herself into cheetah pattern pants and Dad wore his Tommy Bahama shirt with the guitar on it. The majority of the people attending this event have a very different version of "rock n roll" than I do.

- They think rock n roll includes: Watching limp wristed Eric Clapton play "Tears In Heaven" on acoustic guitar while drinking a Coors Light in a Suite at Quicken Loans Arena. "Gold circle" seats at an Eagles concert. Wearing a shirt that says "Harley Davidson". High fives. Corporate sponsored events that go off according to the posted schedule on the Pepsi website.

- I think rock n roll includes: Watching the guy from the Black Lips abandon his solo to punch a guy in the face, and then return to his solo. Small sweaty clubs that are too loud and too dirty to bring a portly Suburban Mom in cheetah pants. The place where you would never consider drinking beer from a glass and ONLY drink bottles/cans. Hoping the band turns up. The potential for chaos, total disaster and disgrace.

I forget what people become when they stray too far from the flame...

3) Why can't I find anyone to give me a good massage? Please note, I am not referring to a hand job by an Asian teenage sex slave or hillbilly in a cinderblock building off the Turnpike. I mean a legit massage. I try to keep it all together by running, swimming, and generally working out. Sure, you would never know that by looking at me, but imagine how bad it would be if I didn't do anything. So now and then, Grandpa needs to get his back worked on by a pro. Why is it I can't find someone that knows what the hell they are doing? I think my problem is I keep getting cosmetology school dropouts and not enough New Age crystal power zen masseuse types. I'll tell you this, if those Asian girls that are kept chained to the water tanks in those joints off the highway worked on my back right, I'd pay up and live with the guilt.

Quick Note: If I were you, I'd bet your ass on my Giants this weekend against the Reds. The Giants have only lost two series all year at home and the Reds are a disaster right now. Aaron Harang has not won in his last twelve (12) starts. Ye Gods...Bet big on the first game, and hedge on game 2 if you have to...


At August 7, 2009 at 10:57:00 PM EDT , Blogger Anonymous said...

What's your email address? I wanted to submit an idea for you to "hate on", but I didn't know where to mail it.

Here it is:
How many iterations of AFLAC duck commercials before the dipshits at AFLAC realize that it's getting annoying. Seriously, Gilbert Gottfried(!)'s voice can only be funny so many times and their welcome has been worn clean out.

Do they even bother watching their own commercials? If they did, they'd realize their commercials are ALIENATING viewers and people that happen to land on the channel showing this crap.


The Swine Flu episode was unreal, keep up the tight-ass work.

At August 7, 2009 at 10:58:00 PM EDT , Blogger Greg Miller said...

Thanks for the kudos....


At August 10, 2009 at 10:56:00 AM EDT , Blogger ScottyJ said...

Are you gonna have to take some "special engagement" gigs to cover the weekend action??

I have no idea how the Reds beat Lincecum AND Cain. None.

At August 12, 2009 at 7:16:00 PM EDT , Blogger Tony B said...

And the Reds take the Giants! Woo!


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