Nurse the Hate: Hate "Boston Strong"
I have really had enough of the Boston Marathon coverage. I’m willing to absorb the self-importance of recreational
marathon runners, each of them convinced that they alone have achieved a feat
that makes them unique in their achievement.
I’ll even give them a pass on those annoying “26.2” magnets they put on
their Subarus to announce to everyone their self-perceived superiority. Yes, you completed a 26 mile race. Congratulations. You are fucking amazing. You are one of 15.5 million marathon
finishers in the United States this year.
I won’t allow myself to get drawn into the vortex of the
herds of recreational “runners”, many of whom participate in these events while
flip flopping between run/walk. Running
is the new scrapbooking for suburban Moms.
Frankly, if you are participating in a “race”, I think you need to theoretically
be competing against someone and have the desire/opportunity to win the event. If you are at any point walking in this foot
race, you aren’t competing hard enough and don’t deserve to be there. “But wait!
Distance running is all about competing against yourself!” OK.
That’s fine. If you are competing
against yourself, why is it necessary to run with 8000 other people and close
the road? If you aren’t trying to beat
those other people, or at least those in your age group, get out of there and
let my commute happen.
This Boston Strong thing is too much. If I see one more pasty Irish guy with a
thick Boston accent tell me how “strong” that city is, I’m going to lose
it. It is as if every annoying Red Sox
fan on the planet has been on TV telling me about their recreational
jogging. I used to feel bad for Boston. Their teams always lost and the weather there
sucks so bad, it made me think of them as loveable sad sacks. However, once the Patriots and Red Sox
started to win championships, it was only then I realized how much more
obnoxious they were than those unshaven Yankee gindaloons that wander into my
life every summer. Boston is a city
filled with pasty loudmouths that think the planet revolves around them.
There is nothing a loudmouth likes more than attention. Unfortunately these last two weeks have been
nothing but searching for angles of “heroes” (the default word in the media for
anyone that acted with even a stitch of responsibility and leadership while in
a crisis). Every two bit Irish American
Boston cop and fireman has been standing in front of microphones telling the
planet about how “strong” Boston is… The
security for this event is akin to one where The Pope rolls through town. While security is always a good idea, I think
we can agree that fundamentalist Muslim goons are probably not focused on
distance foot races as targets, and maybe, just maybe, the tragic events of
last year were due to a local mook gone off the rails instead of a geopolitical
symbolic act against The United States.
By the way, whatever happened to that kid brother that set off those
bombs? Is he ever going to see the light
of day? If this were the Middle Ages, I
think he would have been referred to as being “cast into the dungeons”. Good.
Fuck that kid.
The key today will be to avoid the television and
computer. While the spin is going to be
how amazing it is that there were a record number of entries for the race, it
might have more to do with collecting the $175 entry fee per person to pay for
the insane security more than The People wagging their fists at the Ever
Present Terrorist Menace. I’m all on board
for reclaiming our lives after a criminal act.
I just don’t want to have to listen to Paddy O’Toole tell me how awesome
he is while we do it. Can someone tell
me when a Kenyon crosses the finish line and that thing is over?