Friday, October 28, 2016

Nurse the Hate: Hate The Fraud

I have been on quite a run with these NFL picks.  If you haven’t been gambling with me along the way you are nothing but a damn fool.  It should be noted that I was recently referred to as “a fraud” in a criticism which stung but was nonetheless accurate upon later reflection.  No one likes to be called a “fraud”, but dammit if it’s not essentially true.  Though this criticism wasn’t leveled at me in regards to my NFL knowledge specifically but rather in a more general way, it still applies when you really expose me to the harsh light of day.  I am essentially a grifter chameleon that gets by on a combination of smarts, charm, and pure luck.  While I might be a lost soul generally, all is not lost in the larger sense.  Let's find the silver lining here...  I think I could argue that these just might be the perfect attributes one looks for in a sports gambler.

I read a book once about a guy that decided to risk everything each week in an all-out attempt to make his life exciting.  The concept is “balling the jack”.  What he would do was gather up all of his available income after setting aside weekly rent and basic sustenance.  We are talking everything but money for the barest of necessities.  He would then bet a baseball game each Friday with everything he had left over.  All of it.  If he won it was steak dinners, women and single malt scotch.  If he lost it was ramen and waiting around until the next Friday.  This particular guy hit six in a row while taking the bets up accordingly and as a result was knocking back Lafite on Tuesday nights in August.  Of course, by September he had almost starved after a couple of ill-timed Red Sox bullpen collapses.  It’s a hell of a thing.  Yet, I do have the temperament for that sort of lifestyle.  

Now had I “balled the jack” in my own life I would have had an amazing run here in the second half of the year.  I would right now be relaxing in a European café looking at the NFL lines calmly stirring a small spoon in a tiny coffee cup while waiting to stroll the riverbank with my beloved and having my largest issue deciding on where to dine that evening.  “Dear?  Would you prefer the 1990?  It was such a more charming vintage…  No my sweet…  We cannot have the Leoville Barton unless the Saints cover over the Seahawks this Sunday.  Patience my dear.  Patience.”  I could be an international man of mystery funding my lifestyle with an offshore account completely dependent on the vagaries of NFL games.  What a sad coward I have been.  

So what do we do now?  Let’s begin again and go on a run.  Here’s a game flying under the radar.  Seattle played an entire extra quarter on defense last week.  No one remembers that as it was largely an unwatchable game that finished very late Sunday.  They played forever.  Teams coming off OT games invariably perform worse the following week.  That can leave the tank close to empty for Seattle, something one doesn’t want to do against the Saints with Brees in at QB.  The Saints can score essentially at will.  The Saints are at home and getting three.  They are really good at home, especially in the underdog role where they are 14-3 in their last 17 against the spread.  I love to take points at home, especially with Seattle rolling in after that long frustrating tie in division.  This seems like one of those games that will come down to the end with the team having the ball last that will win.  New Orleans +3.

I am going to load up on the Patriots this week over Buffalo.  Buffalo beat the crap out of New England on the road in the last game prior to Brady’s return.  That led to the usual Rex Ryan shit talk that I will 100% guarantee got in The Hoodie’s craw.  (Yes, The Hoodie has a “craw”.)  I don’t know when the last time the Patriots lost two games to someone in their division.  Who was QB?  Steve Grogan?  There is no way in hell I see the Patriots losing this game.  Rex Ryan can’t outcoach anyone much less Hoodie.  I’d get on the spread, but five is too many.  LeSean McCoy is out for Buffalo, but their defense is legit.  I’m just going to hope for the win and push all my chips into the middle of the table.  New England money line. 

Season Record:  13-5


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