Nurse the Hate: Anarchist Dog Walking and NFL Week 12

 

I walk the bassets most mornings in a park near my home.  I am an excellent target for assassination as I keep almost the same schedule daily.  I think my assassination risk is minimal though, and perhaps the sweet release of death might be preferable to yet another sales tracking report.  Thus, I go on the walk at the same time and see many of the same people.  The weekends tend to be the wild card as many of the "regulars" get replaced by different people I have never seen.  This can sometimes create a conflict as we find ourselves operating under different rules.

A couple quick opening notes about dog ownership.  I am in full agreement with the idea that dogs need to be under control at parks and public spaces.  I think I differ from the public policy making bodies in what the definition of "control" means.  For example, when I would walk Monty and Ryver, especially in their senior years, they were incapable physically of running off.  They didn't jump up on people and act aggressively towards other dogs under any circumstances.  If we were all walking in the woods together, "control" meant that I would steer the direction of our walk away from potential hazards.  Now people like Metroparks Rangers and late middle aged women I encountered would be especially adamant about the rule structure and lose their minds because A) the bassets were not on a leash and B) I would tell the appointed and self appointed guardians of policy that I would not be leashing the dogs because that rule did not apply to me.  When I made this statement it generally resulted in great pushback until I firmly communicated that I did not recognize their authority and did not recognize the existence of a problem, thus I would continue doing what I was doing.  Good day Sir/Madam.

When someone that believes they have authority, regardless if that is from a uniform or a lifetime of generally getting their way, discovers that the person standing across from them is going to ignore them, THIS now becomes the primary issue.  I recall saying "I understand what the technicalities of the rules are but we are not out of control so the problem doesn't exist.  I understand that you think you are some sort of authority here but let me assure you I don't care about you or what you have to say" to a Bay Village woman.  Bay Village Woman has not operated under a reality that they do not perch atop the hierarchy so this can be a jarring moment as two basset hounds sniff the nearby brush as they stroll away.  I had to play a cat and mouse game avoiding that woman for about 60 days until she undoubtedly moved on to a neighbor's sprinkler usage or a street parking situation.  I can only imagine the lengthy debates that raged on the local social media page about my blatant disregard for law and order.  A black person can't even drive through Bay Village without getting pulled over.  What kind of reckless game was I playing flaunting the law?

Yesterday I was walking the bassets by myself.  There were no other people in the park as I went early, and the wind coming off Lake Erie was what is technically referred to as "cold as fuck".  These goddamn puppies cannot be trusted yet, and I try to burn off as many calories as possible by letting them run on the trails chasing squirrels and doing "basset stuff" but having to latch them up when I see other people/dogs.  It was ideal yesterday as we had the entire woods to ourselves.  Normally we will run into nervous "my dog is aggressive" lady.  I think one could argue that if your dog is aggressive perhaps you shouldn't walk him/her where other people/dogs are walking, but it's her park too so we roll with it.  I was standing all alone in the totally empty high school parking lot when I spotted a woman walking towards us.  

The bassets were fighting over a plastic cup, rolling around doing puppy stuff.  It is fairly common to see people walk towards us as basset puppies are insanely cute and draw a lot of attention.  My car door was open and I was trying to get the bassets focused on "ride" as opposed to "Wendy's plastic cup".  It had been unsuccessful so far as the woman closed the gap heading over.  Oh well, there was time for a quick meet n greet.  I passively stared as Elaine trotted over to see the woman heading towards her.  "I'm scared of dogs!  I'm scared of dogs!"  This was an unexpected development.

I cannot explain why a woman that was afraid of dogs was walking directly towards two playing puppies.  She had the option of multiple other routes to avoid any chance of contact but yet soldiered on directly to The Puppy Zone.  Maybe she was just totally fixed on her preferred route she was mentally unable to adjust.  I can't say.  Yet, here she was completely melting down because a basset hound puppy was approaching her.  Did I have "control" over the dog?  No your honor, I did not.  I probably could have jogged over and prevented Elaine from coming within five yards but I couldn't make heads or tails of what was going on.  Who is afraid of a basset hound puppy?  It's like being afraid of a duckling.  The woman was really freaking out though.  I squatted down and yelled out a stern "COME!" and Elaine bounded back to me. 

Once again I find myself a pariah on the community message boards.  There will be a breathless account of this horrifying close call with a dozen "You are so right Sally" responses about irresponsible dog owners like myself.  This is the true beauty of the suburbs, where a non event can be debated for 1-4 days from the safety of everyone's mobile phone with increasing emotions until the next "disaster" happens, perhaps a late garbage pickup after the holiday weekend.  I will, of course, continue to disregard the rules and now begin a cat and mouse game with "Afraid Of Dogs Woman" with my head on a swivel. 

The real issue becomes that I will not have full focus on today's NFL games.  Good Lord have I been doing poorly.  I have gone through some cold streaks in the past, but not like the one this year where it's been missed extra points and weird coaching decisions at the end flipping wins into losses.  I'm going to "trust the process", which doesn't really mean anything, and press ahead.  With that in mind, I am on Pittsburgh +1.  When I saw the Steelers getting points against Cincinnati, I would have probably taken it with a healthy Joe Burrow starting for the Bengals.  The Bengals have been unable to run the ball and their offense was totally dependent on Burrow making plays.  They will now have to move ahead with the same script but with "Browning" instead of "Burrow".  Put it this way, even assuming Pittsburgh can't move the ball, they almost beat Cleveland with the Browns backup rookie QB.  Cincinnati isn't on the same planet defensively as Cleveland.  Pittsburgh +1.  

Speaking of the Browns, they are in a natural letdown spot.  They slay the dragon and beat the Ravens on the road.  The next week with Watson done for the year, DTR leads them on a late drive to beat Pittsburgh in an emotional win.  Now they fly out to Denver to play an vastly improved Broncos team.  I just don't see how the Browns don't take a breath on this game.  It's not possible to stay that high emotionally for a month.  This game will be an ugly grind with each team hoping the other makes mistakes.  Unless Denver turns the ball over, I see Denver squeaking out a win.  Denver -1.5     

Gimme the Raiders!  Kansas City's offense stinks.   Vegas is at home and they are having fun.  Sure, they have no QB play but they are at least abandoning whatever Josh McDaniel was trying to do to move ahead logically.  Give the ball to Jacobs and Adams.  Now there's an idea!  Kansas City will probably win the game, but this is a lot of margin for a team that has trouble scoring.  They can't run the ball very well, the receivers stink, and Kelce is aging out right before our eyes.  I just need the piece of shit Raiders to score a couple touchdowns today.  Raiders +9.5

Season Record:  15-18-1