Nurse the Hate: Working For The Man and NFL Week 16

 

I made a mistake while at the supermarket.  I had forgotten the milk.  I don't normally drink milk, but as it is the holidays I was getting crazy and making a recipe that needed milk.  This gave me two options.  I could return to the local grocery store or stop at a convenient store going home.  As the grocery store resembled the chaos of the Fall Of Saigon at the end of the Vietnam War, that was out.  I therefore made a stop at Discount Drug Mart, a store where you can buy transmission fluid, heart medication, Christmas decorations, box wine, a regulation volleyball, and yes, milk.

I don't go to Discount Drug Mart often as I assume whenever a business does everything it does nothing well.  I met a guy back when I was selling radio advertising that had a sports bar called "Rhinos".  The meeting was unforgettable for a couple of reasons.  The owner's name was "Ron", and when he introduced himself to me he said, "The name is Ron.  Take the "R" out of "Ron" and it's on!".  That alone was worth the trip out there.  When we had our delicate negotiations to put his meager ad schedule together I had asked him about what the hook was for the bar.  He then laid out how Rhinos was a sports bar, restaurant, dance club, live music venue, cigar bar, trivia night destination, karaoke contest and brunch place.  He was in many ways the precursor to Mephistos (https://nursethehate.blogspot.com/2016/05/nurse-hate-mephistos.html) and doomed to failure.  This milk situation was an outlier though.  I broke my policy in the name of convenience.

As I was walking in, there was a man with his young boy in the parking lot.  The kid was getting strapped into his car seat and was melting down.  It was full on crying and losing his shit.  The father then said, "Look, when I get home I can call Santa and tell him that you haven't been good.  Do you want me to have him put you on the naughty list?".  Wow, that's harsh.  You're three or four years old, have completely lost your composure and then you find out your father has a direct line to Santa and is willing to rat you out?  You are just a couple days out from the biggest payday of your short life and it's all going down the shitter just because you're having a moment of weakness at the Discount Drug Mart?  And your own father is the one that turns on you?  It's heavy.

In many ways it's a life lesson that is extremely valuable.  The boy had learned that at any given time you are supposed to fear a distant authority figure that can strike with great vengeance and fury at the smallest indiscretion.  In school you need to follow the rules or it will follow you forever on "your permanent record".  The Catholic Church taught me that Almighty God monitored not only my actions but also my thoughts.  In college the smallest misstep could derail you from "potential employers".  Of course, once you are hired somewhere "Corporate" could decide your fate with an ever changing equation of factors.  That kid had just stepped on the track of the rest of his life and he didn't even know it.  Three years old and already fearing The Man.

I felt bad for the kid, but I had other things to worry about.  Things like if Mason Rudolf could possibly be worse than Mitch Tribisky for the sack of shit Steelers offense.  I'm going to take a flier on the Steelers today because I'm buying low.  The Steelers are getting so little regard that there's open discussion about firing Mike Tomlin, this after their in season firing of the OC.  Things are not going well in Pittsburgh.  Meanwhile it's all coming up roses for Browning in Cincinnati.  The Bengals have looked better on the surface than they have all year since Browning got thrust into the starting QB role.  I'm not sure what to make of that, but I'm going to double down against the Bengals in a game both teams are motivated to win.  I'm hoping Pittsburgh makes this an ugly slog and the points are enough. Pittsburgh +3.

The Browns are a team of destiny.  Of course, being the Browns, that means the destiny is they will crush their fans dreams at the worst time in the worst way, but I don't think that's this week.  Both the Browns and Texans have double digit injuries, so the question is "Which random group of strangers from the practice squads is most likely to win?".  The Texans have a weak receiving corps and are starting Case Keenum, a guy just itching to toss a couple picks on fluttery passes across the field.  The Texans don't run the ball well either at 27th in the league, so they'll have to try and pass the ball against the Browns #1 pass defense.  Let's stick with the hot hand of Flacco.  Cleveland -2.5

I think Minnesota is an OK team.  They're not great, they're OK.  OK teams don't get blown out very often.  I don't need the world here.  I just need the Vikings to hang around.  I am going to tease Minnesota with Pittsburgh in two divisional games that I expect to stay at one score.  I'll take both home teams with points even though I'm suddenly very tied to Mason Rudolph.  I need a Xmas miracle.  If Pissburgh goes south on me today, I'll tie Dallas in tomorrow.  Pittsburgh +9/Minnesota +9 or Dallas +8/Minnesota +9. 

Season record:  23-21-2