Nurse the Hate: Rapid Fire Hatred

Here's a quick rundown of annoying things that have caught my attention this week...

1) Why are World Poker Tour Players allowed to wear sunglasses? I don't know who the first douchebag is that started up with this, but I've had it. Maybe they think they look cool and unreadable, but don't they really just look like hillbillies and mooks that don't belong there? My current dream is to seed a good poker player that can get to the televised portion. When the cameras start capturing the action, my guy will change into his San Diego Chicken costume for the rest of the tournament. Sure, it'll be a bitch to hold the cards with wings, but good luck trying to read the unblinking eye of the chicken. That'll get that rule change I'm looking for.

2) Why do Browns fans fall hook, line, and sinker each year to baseless optimism? This team sucked last year, and they added a tackle, cornerback, and a guard. The new QB won't get in there until week 7. They need 3 defensive linemen, 2 linebackers, another cornerback, a couple safeties, another offensive guard/tackle, a third receiver, a fullback, and a head coach. They sucked last year, and they'll suck again this year. Vegas has them at 5.5 wins for the over/under on the season. When was the last time the book missed on a line by 5 games? Quit dreaming and start supporting the Indians. That's a team with a shot.

3) Is it possible to stop with the Michael Vick coverage? Everybody came out with an opinion...I mean everybody. Even Hank Aaron had an opinion, and he didn't say shit about Barry Bonds and his enormous head breaking his old home run record. Those wacky gals on The View even chatted it up. It is impossible to get away from it, and clearly there is no further information or opinion needed at this time. ?No One is in favor of dog fighting (publicly that is...). How much longer must we dwell on it? He's going to jail! His career is ruined! OK? That's it! Let's move on! I hope something else happens soon that gathers some attention and gets everyone off this topic. Hey, maybe someone will notice that our poor troops (kids) are still dying in Iraq, and the Corporate Interests that have been cut in by Bush II are still making billions. That might be worth a discussion.

4) Does Ringo Starr really belong in the Rock R Roll Hall of Fame as a solo artist? Of course not...People get whipped into a frenzy when a Beatle is involved though, so let's all stay in our shoes. Today in the Plain Dealer (Cleveland local paper) there was an extensive article on why he should be inducted into the Rock Hall. The crux of that argument was that his old songs made the writer feel good like when he was a little boy. Well, in that case better get the Wiggles ready for their 2016 induction... Ringo's solo career had some hits because he's like a familiar old Uncle that makes you laugh. Everyone likes him, but let's be honest here. The actual body of work when viewed in the light of day is laughable. Did he even write any of those songs? He's "in" as a Beatle, and that's enough. Shit, don't get me started on the Rock Hall. I don't think George Harrison should be in either. Disagree? Why don't you play that Dark Horse record and get back to me. Let's keep some standards here, shall we?

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Pennant Races

The baseball season is still interesting for about 15 cities in America right now. With the addition of the Wild Card, almost everyone is still in this thing. The Dodgers haven't won a game since the All Star Break, but they're still just 6 back for the wild card. Sweet!

You'll get a lot of windbag analysis about who is going to make the playoffs and why every time you turn on ESPN. That is a complete waste of time. I'll tell you right now what is going to happen, and then we can all marvel at my genius as it unfolds. (Or none of it will happen, but by then you'll forget all about this post.)

Boston Red Sox: They're in even though it appears that Eric Gagne is a complete disaster. Still, for Gagne to singlehandedly giveaway their (once)commanding lead in the AL East would be an incredible feat I would love to witness firsthand. I just don't think he has the commitment necessary to carry the whole team on his back down the shitter. He'll do what he can, but he can't do it alone. These madcap lovable underdogs (with the $200 million dollar payroll) will finish it up and win the East.

New York Yankees: Of course they'll get in the playoffs. Like the inevitability of a long term losing fight against cancer, the Yankees always come out on top. a $300 million dollar payroll will do that for you. The good part is that they'll flame out in the playoffs since the only reliable starter is Pettitte. They'll look old and brittle again in the playoffs, but they'll get there.

Cleveland Indians: At first glance, they really have the stink of a loser. But the thing to focus on here is how good the starting pitching has been. CC has been lights out, and every team that faces Carmona trips over themselves to say how filthy he is out there. Westbrook and Byrd have been good since the All Star break too. Sure, no one can get a hit except Victor Martinez, Ryan Garko and Grady Sizemore. Guys like Blake, Barfield, Peralta and Lofton will somehow get on base once in awhile. Hafner is hitting .250, so he'll even hit someone in on the "blind squirrel finding a nut" theory. When you only give up 3 runs a game, your chances of winning are pretty good. The wild card here is the Joe Borowski factor. That guy is falling apart. My verdict? In and a quick exit from the playoffs.

Detroit Tigers: All the national pundits think it's going to be roses in the Motor City now that Joel Zumaya is back. When was the last time he pitched? Spring training? These guys have totally sucked since the break, and the problem has been bad starting pitching. On top of that their bullpen ERA is about 5.00, so they have to score about 11 runs a night. That's going to be an issue. I don't think they do it unless they kick the crap out of the Indians this week. Out.

LA Angels: This team look like it could be trouble for the rest of the American League. They've got 24 of their last games at home, and they're 40-17 at "fake rocks in the outfield" Park. That and their starting rotation should carry them over a Seattle team I just can't seem to believe in. Which brings us to...

Seattle Mariners: Any team with Ben Broussard in their starting lineup is going to have a problem at crunch time. Broussard will be tighter than a guitar string and wiff at the worst possible time. Guys on the corner with one out? Here comes Broussard swinging at air on the high fastball. I have "the book" on him, so why wouldn't the American League? They've had a remarkable year, but it's not time for them yet. Out.

Everybody else in the AL? They're done. Period.

New York Mets: They're in and apparently the class of the NL. Does this mean they'll win the NL and compete in the series? Probably not. But they'll get in the playoffs. I like Glavine, Maine, and Hernandez in a short series. Wagner can still get it done as a closer. It just seems like they'll lose in convincing fashion in the playoffs, doesn't it?

Philadelpha Phillies: I don't know why this team can't get it done. Everywhere you look, there's a really good player. Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, Aaron Rowand, Ryan Howard, and Shane Victorino are all really good (and in some cases great) ball players. Cole Hamels is a witch. But then you notice that Charlie Manuel is managing, Russell Branyan is getting key late season at bats, and Adam Eaton is a starter. They even think it's a good idea to give the ball to Kyle Lohse every 5th day. That's all you need to know. They will lose in heart breaking fashion somewhere in the last few days of the season. You'll see video footage of a glum Jimmy Rollins in the dugout watching a bunch of opposing players high fiving each other as the rest of the smiling Phillies pack their bags for an off season fishing trip in Cabo. It's so clear it's like it already happened.

Atlanta Braves: They don't have any real reason to be in the mix, but yet here they are sitting just a few back. I like the mix of players on this team, and the trade deadline moves were huge. Teixeira has been mashing since he got out of Camp Dead End (aka Texas Rangers), and they've got 7 guys hitting in the neighborhood of 300. The duo of Hudson and Smoltz is rock solid. I like these guys to track down the Wild Card, and maybe...just maybe, tracking down the Mets to win the East.

Chicago Cubs: Yes, the feel good Cubbies are making it happen and everyone feels like it's going to happen too. I wouldn't be so sure. Something about this team doesn't seem right to me, and there's that whole "Cubs Thing" that can't be ignored. Zambrano, Hill, and Lilly are all pretty good with Zambrano being the class of the staff. But, who would you rather have on the hill in a must win game: Zambrano or Smoltz/Glavine/Peavy/Webb/Penny? I'd take any of the other potential playoff teams #1 over him. There's going to be a sickening media crush around this team, but don't be duped. They don't have enough.

Milwaukee Brewers: Now there's the kind of total collapse you just don't see very often. If this had happened in a city like New York or Boston, there would be bodies in the streets and Chris Capuano's head posted on a stake at the city limits. Since it's Milwaukee, 10,000 season ticket holders are grumbling while having another brat. Nobody else gives a shit. They overperformed in the first half, took the All Star break, saw they were in first, and flipped out. They are now assuming their place as the Toronto Blue Jays of the National League...a pretty good team that can't get enough payroll together to truly compete to win. I think they have a shot to finish 4th in the Central if they totally freak in September.

St Louis Cardinals: The Cards had one legitimate starter after winning the World Series last year in Chris Carpenter. After Carpenter's first start, his arm fell off, and they were screwed. They have one guy hitting over .300 (Pujols) and one pitcher with more than 10 wins (Adam Wainwright). Their bullpen is OK though (3.83 ERA) and they're winning games like they did last year at this time with timely hitting. I don't know how, but I think they'll win the Central. This is based mostly on the fact that the Brewers are terrible right now, and the Cubs will choke. Unfortunately we'll have to hear about what a genius Tony LaRussa is again, when I'm not sure he could get a pizza and a six pack to my house if I gave him $20 and directions.

Arizona Diamondbacks: They will finish the season scoring less runs than their opponents and make the playoffs. Why? They have good starting pitching, and must give up when they get blown out early. Brandon Webb has been unhittable, and an influx of young hitters make them pretty legit to make some noise. They'll flame out in the playoffs for sure, but this is my lock team to get in. Grab whatever odds you can on them. Why? Two reasons: The Dodgers and Padres.

LA Dodgers: These guys suck all of a sudden and I don't know why. But make no mistake, they do suck. Russell Martin is a great catcher, Brad Penny is a hammer, and then it's a bunch of guys. Jeff Kent leads the team with 16 home runs. Didn't A-Rod hit 16 in a week of April? Juan Pierre steals a shitload of bases but can't draw a walk. Consequently, he's not really on base that often. Nomar is a shadow of the player he once was in the glory days. You know who leads them in hitting? Andre Ethier. No, I don't really know who he is either. It just ain't happening here.

San Diego Padres: They've got some really good pitching and a bunch of crappy everyday guys. How crappy? You know how the Indians can't score any runs? These are all the guys the Indians traded away because they weren't as good as the guys that aren't scoring the runs. It's like a trip down memory lane if you're from NE Ohio. Remember ex-Indian greats like Milton Bradley (on the DL twice already), Kevin Kouzmanoff, Josh Bard, Brian Giles (who has hit seven (7) home runs this year after the steroid crackdown), and earlier this season Russell Branyon (whose 16 hits included 7 home runs. He also hit .197.). Chris Young and Jake Peavy aren't enough to do it alone. They're out.

The rest of the National League like Colorado has no chance. It's over. A couple wagers I like? The Braves to win the NL at 8-1. If they keep playing solid ball they get in. Then they're as good as anyone with Smoltz and Hudson. I also like the Angels at 3-1, but not as much since the odds are a little short. Arizona at 4-1 would be my third flier. Drop a little cash on all three and see what the hell happens. What else do you have to do this October?

Nurse the Hate: Hate Corporate Rock Beer Prices

I went to see Modest Mouse/Band of Horses/Love As Laughter last night at the giant corporate rock tent. After my $8.00 to park and getting a Red Hook ESB for $7.00, I watched Love As Laughter stare at their shoes while playing their not unpleasant indie rock. Clearly these guys aren’t ready for the big stage. Bit of advice…You have 3000 people watching you. You might want to DO SOMETHING. Band of Horses were great. This is a band I expect big things from. They played a few songs off of their yet to be released second album, and they really knocked me out. Very impressive.

I then quickly stepped onto the tarp for my ass reaming as I shelled out another $7.00 for a 12 oz bottle of Red Hook that was poured into a plastic cup. After walking past the $30 t shirt stand, I assumed my place in the weird mix of extremely dirty hippies, the lost souls of slackerdom, college kids, and suburbanites.

Modest Mouse now has Johnny Marr playing guitar. Marr made his name as The Smiths guitar player in the 80s, and has been a high profile sideman for a number of years now. To see him as a member of Modest Mouse is really odd. It’s like walking up to you and saying, “Did you hear? Slash is now a member of Hinder.” Oh? OK… Or maybe a better comparison is if suddenly Brian Setzer joined the Whiskey Daredevils. Then we’d go play the Beachland, and pretend it’s not really fucking weird that this is happening. I guess Modest Mouse was good, but I kept thinking about how this turn of events came to be. It’s not like indie rock guys from Idaho hang out with old British rock stars. Or do they? Maybe there’s a whole Idaho/England scene I’m not aware of…

Random Notes: I am now officially back. Livan Hernandez shook off a shaky start to go seven innings and eek out a win over the Marlins last night at +101. Why the red hot Diamondbacks were even money against the Marlins is anyone’s guess. Today I’d take a hard look at the Cardinals at +116. They’ve won eight of their last ten, and face Rich Hill today. Hill, as you may recall, got roughed up against Colorado in his last start giving up 9 hits and 7 earned in 5 and change. In two starts vs. St Louis, he’s got a 5.11 ERA. I’ll take the hot hitting Cards as a dog.

Nurse the Hate: Hate the White Sox

The streak has ended. Thanks to Joe Blanton and the pathetic Oakland A’s offense being able to squeak out at least 3 runs over the suddenly horrible Chicago White Sox, I am back. I am suddenly so confident in myself, I might take a good long look at that Browns v. Lions pre season over/under!

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Cooler Part 2

In a tremendous come from ahead loss, the Red Sox bullpen flamed out last night for the first time since 2006 and The Cooler took his tenth (10th) loss in a row. When the Red Sox are up four runs going into the 8th, they NEVER lose. The good news is that trade deadline acquisition Eric Gagne went out on the mound with a 55 gallon drum of gasoline strapped to his back and set the whole goddamn diamond on fire. Then Hideki Okajima came out and gave up a double to Roberts and a single to Markakis. Ball game. Thanks for coming. Yes my friends, the Iceman resides right here.

I could bet blindly on Pakistani cricket drunk on gin and not lose 10 in a row. After being up 265% for the season, my little kitty has shrunk to 70% up. This is truly a time that tests men's souls. But like a batting slump, you'll get out of it. Take a few days off. Get back to basics. Take a winner here and there and don't swing for the fences. It has to turn sometime...right? It will, won't it?

OK, as a public service I offer you my picks today so those of you enjoying the winnings of "counter selection" on me can continue your little run. 1) Take the Indians as a home underdog today. Paul Byrd has pitched very well this year (except for a bad June) and Mike Mussina is a 6 inning pitcher that gives up a lot of hits. The Yanks bullpen is still suspect at best, and Byrd will keep the Tribe in the game. 2) Oakland with Dan Haren at +114 looks real nice. The Tigers have been awful lately (lost 12 of their last 15), and a start against Haren isn't going to help. With luck you'll hit both of these. With a split, you'll still make a few bucks.

Random Notes: My basement got flooded out, and not surprisingly the insurance company doesn't want to cover it. Why is it that anytime you try to collect on insurance, they immediately go to the "I don't think that's covered" card? Has anyone ever called an insurance agent and had them say, "Don't worry, we're on it. We'll make sure and take care of you immediately."? I gotta start one of these little rackets up myself...After attending last night's Indians V Yankees game, I hate Yankee fans as much as always. Why does every Yankee fan have a two day beard, severely gelled hair, wear a jersey, and refer to the Yankees history as "we" won this, or "we" won that? In the glory days of the late 1990s, I don't remember seeing too many Goomba's with beer guts running around in centerfield making plays. I remember Jeter getting clutch hits, but not so much Vinnie Macaroni from Elyria with his 16 oz can of Miller Lite. If you're not from NY, rooting for the Yankees is weak. Take your lumps with the rest of us.

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Cooler

I cannot pick a winner right now if I had a time machine, could travel into the future, and watch an entire day's worth of MLB action. The Almighty Baseball Gods have paid me back for my gloating about how easy it is to bet baseball in a rather significant manner. I have lost eight in a row, and may never be able to find a winner again. I may know less about baseball right now than I do about molecular engineering, 18th Century French poetry, and woodworking. And that's saying something...

Hell, I even lost that Marquez/Vazquez fight last night. By the way, that was a great fight. Vazquez had two cuts above both eyes open about a 1/4 inch each, and still managed to TKO Marquez. This comes only four months after Marquez busted Vazquez's nose so bad he looked like Stallone after the end of "Rocky". The rematch should be epic. Also, on the undercard, Celestino Caballero looks like a good guy to bet against for the future. He's looks like a 122lb Hearns, but he's just elbows and holds without any of the power. He's going to get killed by any of the high ranked Mexicans in the division. His lack of technical skill will be his undoing.

To get out of this funk, I even considered betting on preseason football. That is clearly a cry for help. The prospect of sitting white knuckled hoping the Steelers 4th string QB can connect on a sideline route to some kid from Robert Morris that has been brought in to be training camp drill fodder is too grim to even consider. I talked myself off of that ledge, and have decided to plug away on baseball. Somehow it seems much more sane to be locked in on Miguel Batista against Josh Beckett. (Those of you reading this Sunday, load up on the Red Sox. You can't lose.)

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Cooler

I cannot pick a winner right now if I had a time machine, could travel into the future, and watch an entire day's worth of MLB action. The Almighty Baseball Gods have paid me back for my gloating about how easy it is to bet baseball in a rather significant manner. I have lost eight in a row, and may never be able to find a winner again. I may know less about baseball right now than I do about molecular engineering, 18th Century French poetry, and woodworking. And that's saying something...

Hell, I even lost that Marquez/Vazquez fight last night. By the way, that was a great fight. Vazquez had two cuts above both eyes open about a 1/4 inch each, and still managed to TKO Marquez. This comes only four months after Marquez busted Vazquez's nose so bad he looked like Stallone after the end of "Rocky". The rematch should be epic. Also, on the undercard, Celestino Caballero looks like a good guy to bet against for the future. He's looks like a 122lb Hearns, but he's just elbows and holds without any of the power. He's going to get killed by any of the high ranked Mexicans in the division. His lack of technical skill will be his undoing.

To get out of this funk, I even considered betting on preseason football. That is clearly a cry for help. The prospect of sitting white knuckled hoping the Steelers 4th string QB can connect on a sideline route to some kid from Robert Morris that has been brought in to be training camp drill fodder is too grim to even consider. I talked myself off of that ledge, and have decided to plug away on baseball. Somehow it seems much more sane to be locked in on Miguel Batista against Josh Beckett. (Those of you reading this Sunday, load up on the Red Sox. You can't lose.)