Sunday, January 11, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Chase

It was apparent very early on that I, like the Carolina Panthers, was about to take a savage beating at the hands of quarterback Jake Delomme. It is very rare when you see one man single handedly destroy the hopes and dreams of so many. It was a performance for the ages as Delomme managed to make the 10 point underdog Cardinals look like the 1985 Bears. The guy made six turnovers for God's sake! The last time I witnessed something this horrible was when I was forced to watch "Ghost Dad" on an airplane while seated next to an extremely large and hairy Turkish man. (I had to keep my legs in a permanent ski slalom position so I could avoid having his very bushy leg hair from touching me. Long flight...)

I was so sure that the Cardinals (who I still believe are terrible) would lose that I was in an "extremely leveraged position" on Carolina. That leaves me in the unenviable position of having to chase it today with two very hard to call games. Here's how I am going to play it...

Norv Turner is the General Custer of our time. Despite having one of the greatest running backs in NFL history, he spent half of last season trying to establish the pass. This season he managed to take one of the best teams in the NFL on paper, and barely squeak into the playoffs. It's what many NFL Insiders call "The Turner Effect". Today the weather in Pittsburgh is expected to be somewhere between "shitty" and "horrible". I fully expect the Turner designed gameplan to be some sort of aerial circus with tons of long passes launched into the wind. Pittsburgh will counter with a sensible plan of conservative running, hard tackling, and creating big turnovers like they have done every year since 1974. Despite all of these obvious facts, I am going to hope for a San Diego win on the money line at 2-1. These teams are evenly matched, and San Diego is red hot right now. I think that San Diego will find a way. With a 2-1 payoff, it's worth the risk...

The Giants and Philly seem to play each other every week. That's because the Network TV coverage is so biased to the East Coast population centers that the NFC East teams are the the focus of the national broadcast every weekend. It was only recently that I discovered that the Dallas Cowboys are not headquartered in Northeast Ohio, and are not in fact my home team. By the way, did the Cowboys really miss the Playoffs this year? That happened?

I want to go on record as saying I have no idea who will win this Giants v Eagles game. Having said that, I will bet on it anyway as it is an NFL Playoff game, and to not have any action on it is an admission of some sort of lack of manhood. Normally I would take the home team in this type of game. However, since Philadelphia's fans treat their own team so horribly, playing in New York might actually be relaxing for the Eagles. I think the loss of that dumbass Plaxico Burress was key for the Giants. He was so friggin' tall and dangerous, you had to adjust your entire defensive scheme to make sure he didn't hurt you downfield. Now the Giants receiving corps is A Bunch of Guys. That offense doesn't scare anyone these days. The Eagles appear to be the latest Team of Destiny, and have looked like the best team in the NFC since Thanksgiving. I will also take the Eagles on the money line and hope they win a close one.


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