Nurse the Hate: Hate December Football

I was shocked to receive a call from a friend of mine from Erie PA as he was driving to Browns Stadium to see the alleged NFL game between the Browns and Bengals today. The fact that these two teams are unworthy of even a moments attention should stand on its own as a reason to stay home. What is even more alarming is that he has brought his 5 year old son to sit in gale force winds with Neanderthals blinding drunk in frozen rubber dog masks. I considered calling Social Services and bring this to a stop, but then decided it would be a watershed learning experience for the Boy.

My plans are completely different. In moments I will drive downtown to record an AC/DC cover for a poorly considered 7 inch single. In about 28 minutes we will have it recorded and mixed. I will then be comfortably sitting in front of a fire watching all the entire NFL slate unfold before me like a menu of opportunity! Let's take a look, shall we?

* San Francisco has been playing like a real live mediocre NFL team since Mike Singletary took over and apparently scared the crap out of his players. Meanwhile the St Louis Rams have less talent than Fresno State, and play with no sense of urgency. Take San Francisco -4.5.

* This is a "must win" week for the Miami Dolphins as they go to Kansas City to play the lowly Chiefs. There are three things you need to focus on here. 1) Miami hasn't played a game in less than 62 degrees all year, and it's going to be cold and shitty in Kansas City today. 2) KC is a tough place to play. There is nothing to do in Kansas City except eat beef and watch the Chiefs. This is a big day out for a lot of fat guys. Look for Miami to have lots of stupid little drive killing penalties. 3) Miami, despite a good record, isn't very good. Take Kansas City with the 4 points.

* The Browns/Bengals game, as previously noted, is going to be a waste of time for those that have journeyed to the lakefront. That does not mean we cannot make something positive of this situation. The over/under opened at 35 and has dropped to 31.5. Yes, you have read that correctly. The Vegas books are begging you to take the over. They are assuming you will look past the fact that 65 mph winds are whipping off the lake. They are hoping you will forget that this is the worst QB match up since the NFL went with scabs during the strike season. Neither team scores in the best of conditions. Why are they going to light it up today? Take the under.

* Every time I turn on ESPN, I keep seeing the pitch about how the Seahawks are going to win the last home game for Mike Holmgren today against the Jets. Frankly, I don't think those players give a fuck about Mike Holmgren one way or the other. I would imagine they are self absorbed assholes like all professional athletes. However, this is a "must win" for the Jets, and that's gotten a lot of media play as well. Just because it's a "must win", doesn't mean the team in question is going to win. The Jets suck on the road, and especially on the West Coast. They lost to Oakland in Oakland for God's sake! Take a flier on Seattle with the 3.5 points.

* The Giants have looked really iffy the last month against some run of the mill opposition. The loss of Plaxico Burris has been huge. (Even though he is the stupidest mofo ever, he is a real problem for opposing defenses.) This week they have to play Carolina, and for some reason Carolina is getting 3.5. I love Carolina today. They are the real deal, and play the kin of football that wins games in December. They will run the ball in the gut early and late, and will wear out the Giants. The only way NY win this game is if Carolina fumbles it away in a horrible flurry of turnovers.