Saturday, December 6, 2008

Nurse the Hate: Hate The King




OK, that's it. I've had my fill of LeBron James. It's bad enough to see a football field sized banner of LeBron in a Christlike pose on Ontario Street in downtown Cleveland with the phrase "We Are All Witnesses". Do I really need to see a giant sign every morning telling me that I am inferior? "Greg, behold LeBron and know that your role on this planet is not one of participation, but of passively watching this high school graduate successfully put a ball into a hoop 46% of the times he tries." Is that what I need at 8:17 am on a Tuesday? Really?

The thing that really put it over the top for me is this new Nike commercial. Watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SiQKxja79M and get back to me. I'll wait...

Let's first focus on the white powder. Look at me! I'm a magician! Abra fucking cadabra! If you did that stunt before going to bat in a MLB game, you would get half of your face caved in by a fastball. How about trying that before taking the field against the Baltimore Ravens? I would think Ray Lewis might be pissed. How's a busted knee for ya? Hey, but this is the NBA where style has always been more important than substance. (When I see that move, I always think about the sad sack janitor who has to clean up all that crap afterwards.)

Now let's take a closer look at the message of the spot itself. Nothing can begin until LeBron has cast forth his magic fairy dust. LeBron is not an equal participant in the game, but rather The Creator himself. The crowd breathlessly awaits the gift of life that LeBron bestows upon us after lovingly cradling it in his hands. LeBron is the Father of Life. While we hope to imitate this Mighty Creature, we are but children playing a role we cannot hope to understand. The elderly barber secretly puts powder on the neck of his much younger customer a la LeBron, but no one notices and celebrates his gesture as he is not LeBron (and therefore not worthy of our acknowledgement). We then move to a series of shots of common people using powder like children imitating the father. The young girl lets the powder fall on her, but there is no crowd screaming approval for her. The boy throws the chalk dust into the air in the classroom, but his classmates look on with no reaction. Despite the fact that they imitate LeBron, we are shown again and again, they are not LeBron. The commercial ends with all of the "little people" smiling, happy just to have some of the dust from O Mighty LeBron fall on their shoes and faces. LeBron smiles and runs away, clapping off more dust to presumably fall upon the lucky few.

And you wonder why he put a giant tattoo across his shoulders that says "The Chosen 1"? You think if a giant global corporation ran a TV campaign featuring you like that, you would have any confidence issues? Sure, it might be odd to be in a sales meeting and insist your sales manager refers to you as "The Chosen 1" and "King Greg", but I think they'd adjust eventually.

But is LeBron worthy of being our latest False God? Here's something to chew on... Last night 7.2% of the "Witnesses" in NE Ohio decided to watch the Cavs game. Meanwhile, "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer" was viewed by 7.8% of the people in the viewing area. Am I out of line to suggest that Nike should get an agent down here to sign this pesky little reindeer to a deal today? Why did more people watch Rudolf than King James? I'll tell you why. That little reindeer has moxy! Let's get a giant banner up with two hooves and a light up red nose pointed up to the heavens that says "We Are All Witnesses". How about Rudolf pulling the sleigh in slow motion, shot in tasteful black and white, with the tag line "Just Do It"? Let's move some shoes!

Random Notes: Despite the fact that Manny Pacquiao is the best pound for pound fighter in the world, I am making a 180 on my original thought and picking De la Hoya. The fight is set at 147 lbs, and Manny is moving up two weight classes for this fight. That's just not something that happens successfully in the fight game. Oscar is now a promoter, and thinks like a businessman. This fight is a big win at the gate, and puts him at little risk fighting someone as small as Manny. They always say a good big man beats a good small man, and that looks like the case today. Oscar with a TKO in the middle rounds...84% of the public is on New England -6 over Seattle. I can think of no reason why the Seahawks stay within a touchdown, but I'm taking 'em! Take San Fran +3.5 too. 78% of the world is on the Jets...With so few college games, the lines are brutal this week. I like (don't love) Alabama +10 and UCLA +32.

3 Comments:

At December 6, 2008 at 10:46:00 AM EST , Blogger Ken Miller said...

LeBron might be getting under your skin, but his Cavs have started the season 15-4 against the spread.

 
At December 7, 2008 at 11:39:00 AM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

I got so swayed by the pre fight press that I wound up not touching the De La Hoya fight. Good thing as all reports are of a complete ass beating by the much smaller Pac Man. De la Hoya is d-o-n-e. Hopefully he gets out of the game now before he gets hurt by a big puncher like Pavlik, Calzaghe, or Hatton. Manny is bad ass, and one guy no one in his weight class wants anything to do with AT ALL.

Today take a look at Tennessee -14, Houston +7, and the Giants -6. The weather sounds crappy in Pittsburgh, so it's going to be important to run the ball. With no Marion Barber, that's a tall order for Dallas. Take Pitt -3. Also, I'm still taking Seattle +7 for no good reason!

 
At December 8, 2008 at 9:53:00 AM EST , Blogger ScottyJ said...

The Nike propaganda machine rolls on, crushing all who don't get on board....

 

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