Thursday, November 26, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Bad Ideas On Thanksgiving



Even from the first moment it flashed in my head, it seemed like a mistake. Yet, even knowing that this plan will only lead to teeth gnashing, frayed nerves, and screaming nonsensical profanity at the television, I plan on moving ahead with it. I will yell out something like, "You motherfucking fuck fucks!!!" at the Detroit Lions, frightening the dog. While everyone else slips into a post meal coma, I will probably be muttering "Fucking shit squirrel monkey assfucker shit lickers..." at the Denver Broncos. I accept this. It is my fate. Yes, I am taking all the underdogs today.

Thanksgiving is a great holiday. No hollow gift exchanges. No awkward office parties. You don't have to tip the garbage men. All you have to do is cook up a bird, open wine, chill beer, and watch football. It's utterly perfect. So why complicate it with putting hard earned money on the Detroit Lions and Oakland Raiders? Perhaps I have begun a spectacular self destructive death spiral. If so, this day will be noted as "Day One".

But hear me out... The Lion are awful. We all know this. But at home, they haven't been blown out of the building. Green Bay is 3-7 vs double digit spreads. Their defense is spotty, and they lost two guys from their defensive backfield. I'm thinking the Lions can stay within 12.

And what about the Cowboys? They haven't been able to score for the last 2 weeks. Meanwhile the Raiders have finally put the JaMarcus Russell debacle to rest, and have discovered they can stay in games when Russell doesn't turn the ball over deep in their own territory 3 times a game. I think the Raiders can stay within 13.5.

The Broncos look like everyone expected them to after the mirage of the 6-0 start went away. They've dropped 4 straight, and look shitty. Chris Simms may start at QB despite the fact the last time he played as a starter was when it looked like buying a rental property in South Florida was a good investment. Yet, let's not lose sight of the fact that the Giants are totally overrated like all teams from New York always are. Too much national media is based there. Too much content to fill. Denver at home is tough. Plus they're getting 6? OK, I'm in.

That's when it hit me. Why not really go for it? How about tying it all in with a 3 team teaser? Ladies and gents, I present to you the worst idea of all time: Detroit +21, Oakland +22.5, and Denver +15. It sounds so perfect, how can it lose? Buckle up...

2 Comments:

At November 26, 2009 at 6:38:00 PM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

Note: By the time this went off, I had Detroit +22.5...winner....am now white knuckling Oakland/Cowboy game...

 
At November 27, 2009 at 7:04:00 AM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

Winner winner turkey dinner!

 

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