Saturday, November 7, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Yet Another College Football Saturday

I have made a miraculous recovery from my head cold, and am now focused on winning some serious jack today in college football wagering. While it may be true that I am still suffering from the lingering effects of a massive NyQuil jag, I think my judgement is true. My reasoning is sound. Of course, this may not result in any victories as most of you have been able to bear witness to my testicle crushing losses in October. Will I end up screaming obscenities at overrated ego boy Terrelle Pryor in the 4th quarter of today's Penn State v Ohio State game? Probably. But isn't that part of the pageantry of college football? Yelling at some kid you don't know 700 miles away because he can't keep his team within 5 points of another team of punks you don't know either?

Let's look at today's card like the stock market. I believe there is a lot of value in some underdogs today. Teams like Western Michigan with 20.5 points against a real shitbird of a Michigan State team. Michigan State is bigger, stronger, faster, and probably smarter than the directional Michigan boys. Despite the overwhelming superiority on paper, Michigan State will probably win a white knuckle game in East Lansing. Take Western Michigan +20.5.

Iowa is a team that finds a way to win. When things look bleak, they somehow pull off that victory at the end. They just don't win by more than 15 points. Iowa is 9-0, but have only won 3 games by more than 10 all year. I think they are looking ahead to Ohio State next week, and don't cover. Take Northwestern +15.

Speaking of Ohio State, they head to Penn State today in a nationally televised game sure to be on your crummy little TV at home. Penn State allegedly hasn't beaten anybody. But when you take a closer look, you realize, "Hey, Penn State hasn't beaten anybody!". Ohio State hasn't beaten anybody either, but they lost to USC in a close game whereas Penn State got handled easily by Iowa at home. Both teams have obnoxious fan bases. Both teams have boring uniforms. This game should be close. Tressel wears a sweater vest, is from Youngstown, and knows how to keep inside the number for the boys back home. I'll take Ohio State +5.

LSU goes to Alabama today to decide the fate of the SEC. While it is very annoying that every self satisfied Southern football fan goes on and on and on and on about how great SEC football is, the problem is that they do have a point. (It's the smugness that always gets me down.) Alabama is a monster of a defensive football team. Teams do not score easily on the Tide. LSU is also a very good defensive football team. Florida scored 13 on 'em. Georgia? 13. This should be a low scoring tight game. I don't see either team winning by two scores. I'll take 7.5 points and LSU.

The biggest game on the board today must be the Kent State at Akron game for the coveted Wagon Wheel. I would imagine when every member of both teams played games in the backyard as kids, they dreamt that one day they would take part in the struggle to win the mighty Wagon Wheel. "Daddy, tell the story again... About the time you saw Kent win the Wagon Wheel at the Rubber Bowl!" In this clearly made up story, the founder of Akron U got a wheel of his carriage stuck in the mud in what became Kent State University. Now, this very wagon wheel is awarded to the winner of this meeting of Giants of the Gridiron. Why the wagon wheel trophy looks like something someone got at Cracker Barrel in 1987, I don't know. The important part is to take Kent -3.5. Akron is the worst college football team in the country with some two bit freshman at QB that is facing one of the best pass rushes in the nation.

Let's all enjoy some gaming, shall we?


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