Thursday, November 5, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Head Cold

I have a skull crushing cold. Soon, I will feel the warm friendly hand of NyQuil. I will have vivid dreams that I will remember with startling clarity. I will float around in a strange haze. But before I slip into the abyss, a few quick items....

1) How is it possible that the Cleveland serial killer was not found out prior to his killing 11+ people? He buried several bodies in the back yard of a small inner city lot. When I lived in a duplex like that, I knew when my neighbors were taking a dump, much less dropping a 150lb body in a hole. They must have thought, "Hey, that convicted rapist who moved in next door sure does love his gardening! Even now at 4:45 am he's getting a jump on it. Look at him dig! Sure, he's got a checkered past, but what a work ethic! Maybe if we're lucky, we'll get his extra zucchini!" How did no one notice the creepy guy digging holes in the backyard or tossing corpses under the front porch? Neighbors did call about the smell, but I suppose when you live here in NE Ohio your first thought is "sewage", not "horribly decayed human remains". Odd...

2) The Browns owner Randy Lerner met with two crackpot end zone fans that wanted to stage a protest and get other fans to not sit in their seats thereby making the team look bad on nationally televised Monday night football. (Of course, the team will do that all by themselves. They WILL NOT need help to look bad.) He sat down with these two guys for two hours. Two hours with these Rubes? During the same week, Mr. Lerner also declined to meet with Plain Dealer sports reporters, but instead answered questions via email with no follow up questions allowed. If you were to get really out of your head on peyote and imagine the worst top executive in the NFL, you couldn't come up with that.

3) I think it must be a sign of my age, but I absolutely hate every song on the Top 40 charts. Why does everyone have to use that vocal effect Cher used on her last dance hit? Why are lyric writers unable to specifically say what they are trying to convey instead of using phrases like "kicking it" or "tripping"? As far as I can tell, "kicking it" can mean hanging out, relaxing, going out to eat, going for a walk, going for a drive, or almost any other activity. So in a Top 40 song, if the female vocal says she is "kicking it" with the male, that can mean she either went to McDonald's with the guy or they smoked meth and fired shotguns at imaginary birds, right? And if he was "tripping", it can mean he was confused, upset, or he flew into a rage and chopped up her family with an axe and buried them in his backyard (as we do in Cleveland when we are "tripping").

I think I'm just too old to understand. Or it might be that I still don't understand the dolts in the dance club culture. Never have, perhaps I never will.

4) I love Halloween. People cut loose and get to be whatever they want. It's great to see large groups of people with their inhibitions dropped away. However, the truly brave take that concept to heart and walk around Wal Mart in a Superman costume in mid-March for no particular reason. Those are the people I like to hang out with...

5) I won 5 of 6 World Series Games. That means I will now return to my ass kicking in football.


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