Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Nurse the Hate: Hate the "Law Office"


Randy Williams
Operations Director
Law Offices of Mitchell Bluhm and Associates
PO Box 3269
Sherman TX 75090

Dear Randy,

As per my discussion with a variety of your “associates” from your “legal office”, I have yet to receive a copy of any invoice or documentation of any kind that shows I received medical treatment for the disputed total of $100 something dollars.  If I may, I understand the tactic of calling me and identifying yourselves as part of a “legal office”.  I’m sure many of the rubes you contact begin quaking in their proverbial boots that John Law has come for them.  I am not one of these rubes.  I realize that I am being contacted by some undereducated hourly employee that is trapped in a soulless call center, their past actions relegating them to this horrific fate of trying to shake a few coins loose from unsuspecting dopes like myself.  It’s a tough go, but I can’t dwell on these poor folks.    

As I have stated multiple times, I am more than willing to pay any outstanding debt I may have incurred.  You can probably understand my hesitance at giving my credit card information to a complete stranger from a call center that is misrepresenting themselves while collecting an alleged bill for which there is no hard record.  I wish I could trust your “legal office”.  I really do.  However we live in an age of deceipt and digital illusion.  If I were to blindly offer up my credit card information, the next thing I know I will start receiving bills from some Eastern European nation I am only vaguely familiar with and a man name Boris will be sipping 1992 Pol Roger champagne in a hot tub while being fellated by some ex-model sex slave all on my dime.  This, of course, gives me pause…

Now I have given my consent each time I have received a call from any member of your crack legal team for them to produce any document that shows the medical services I have received and have not paid in full.  At one point I was told that I would receive an email completely documenting these charges.  I never received this email.  I was called yesterday and told that it was sent on April 4th with a tone of voice like I am some sort of deadbeat that was expertly playing some sort of elaborate dodge.  Yet, when I checked my email box I found no email from your “law office”.  I was told I should check my junk/spam folder as this email was sent in a way that it routinely lands in these folders.

Allow me to offer you some expert advice.  If you send an email to someone that has specifically requested this email, it might be in everyone’s best interest to send it in a manner that it will not land in a spam folder.  Why in the name of God would you deliberately send an email that you know will land in my spam folder?  It would be as if you asked me for a check and then had me crumple it up and toss it in your front yard as opposed to placing it in an envelope and placed in your mailbox.  Ye Gods man.

I checked my spam folder and found no evidence of any invoice being sent to me on April 4th.  I did notice an offer from a company that has a product that will increase my sexual performance (though I don't know how they are aware of my current performance or lack thereof), and an intriguing situation where 100,000 gallons of oil has been diverted from its original course off the coast of Africa and is available to me at a fraction of the original price.  While I will no doubt look further into this exciting commodities opportunity, I was unable to find any evidence that your “law firm” sent me any of the requested documentation.

While I at first enjoyed being on your call list and chatting with the various associates of your “legal firm”, I must suggest we put an end to this arrangement.  I will put the ball in your court once again.  If you produce an honest-to-God document showing I received medical attention, I will pay you in full.  If you are unable to do so, please move on to some other target on your call list.

Happy Earth Day,

Greg Miller


At April 29, 2014 at 11:46:00 PM EDT , Blogger Inthon said...

Can you please do one about the Donald Sterling situation?

Your posts are hilarious and I share them with my wife.

At May 1, 2014 at 9:53:00 AM EDT , Blogger Greg Miller said...

Donald Sterling is a fragile old man that has that interesting combination of being a racist yet still wanting to bang a hot chick regardless of her racial background. In fact, I would suggest that the fact she is of mixed descent makes her even more of a "forbidden fruit" to him. While it is a tough break up when your ex-girlfriend won't give back your Ferrari, it's an even tougher deal when she lets you rant on while talking crazy so she can tee you up on TMZ. I would be a bit miffed if I was him and I just lost my $1 billion dollar NBA franchise because I was outsmarted by this woman that seems as bright as a parakeet.

I know a lot of older guys that have outdated attitudes about race, religion, gender. I was just at a bar the other day when a 70 year old asked "if I could get that broad's attention". I learned that "the gals" are his wife and her friends while "broads" are women that are waitresses and hostesses. It's a good thing he doesn't own a sports franchise. Old habits die hard. With all of Sterling's painted hair, it's easy to forget that most of his attitudes were probably shaped in the late 1940s. Toss in that he seems like an absolute shit, and he is pure gold on TMZ. What I would give for a press conference where he tries to defend himself. "Ladies and gentleman, I am no racist! If I was, would I be getting it on with my ex? I will prove it to you! I am now prepared to eat the ass of national recording star Rihanna in front of all of you! Ladies and gentleman... Rihanna! Honey? Can you please move to the tarp? I'd like to get started..."

Now the NBA, which is so concerned with racism that they never did anything about the 117 other racist incidents involving Sterling previously, will trip over themselves to preen about how sensitive they are to all races. The bottom line is that the NBA is all about business, and Donald Sterling is bad for business. They will muscle him out, but not before suits, countersuits, and more countersuits fly back and forth. Sterling is a shitbag, but he has always been a shitbag. I wonder if he'll get his cars back?


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