Thursday, May 8, 2014

Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL Draft (As Always)

There is a very good chance that I may burst into flames if I hear one more word about Johnny Manziel.  I have been actively avoiding NFL Draft media coverage, but there is truly nowhere to hide.  When I close my eyes I discover that ESPN has implanted a Johnny Manziel story complete with a video pre-roll ad for some razor.  Sleep has become impossible.  To even drift into a nap I discover a voice whispering into my ear speculation that Johnny Manziel is going to go to the Vikings in a convoluted trade involving Sam Bradford and those kidnapped Nigerian girls.  As I attempt to shake this disconcerting information I stare blankly at CNN where I could’ve sworn I saw a story about Johnny Manziel somehow guaranteeing finding that missing Malaysian Air flight.  It’s all gotten out of hand.

It is on record that I want the Browns to draft Manziel so I can see him flame out as close to the center of the fire as possible.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy.  He’s fun as hell to watch play football.  He pulled some amazing rabbits out of his ass while at Texas A&M while living a lifestyle I would have killed for when I was 20.  The downside is that when he scrambles around in the NFL like he did in college, he will most likely have his spine snapped by three 285 pound monsters that run as fast as cheetahs.  He’s a fun cocky kid that is a modern version of Joe Namath.  I would like to point out that nobody likes a loudmouth cocky kid that flamed out in the NFL that is shooting around in a mechanized wheelchair.   There is a reason that small guys don’t play QB in the NFL.  There are way too many big guys that make it impossible.  The NFL tends to weed out the pretenders.

This Manziel stuff is this year’s version of the Tim Tebow draft chaos.  Anyone that knew anything said, “Umm… That guy can’t play in the NFL.”  Meanwhile the media does the same thing it does for any story.  Global warming?  Economic forecast?  Ukraine?  It doesn’t matter.  They just root around until they find someone to carry the story line on the other side of the coin.  “Tim Tebow is a winner.  He showed that at Florida and he’ll do it again in the NFL.”, said Some Guy that coaches in College somewhere that would like to coach at Florida at some point.  New headline…  “Critics differ on Tebow”.  Now you got yourselves a Controversy!

As I have said before, the Doomsday Scenario is if Manziel goes to Dallas.  There will be no stopping the national media machine that will produce stories upon stories about Manziel, Tony Romo, and When Will Manziel Replace Tony Romo?  There will be more stories on this topic than 9/11.  Even if you are not a football fan you will find it impossible to avoid the topic.  The situation in Ukraine could blow up into World War 3, and as nuclear missiles drop onto the East Coast the only topic will be is “How will this affect Johnny Manziel’s chances of starting this week in Washington?”.

The good news is that after this weekend all this hype will be over.  These over publicized draft picks can get down to the business of being who they really are… most likely somewhat disappointing players on kinda crappy teams.  Mel Kiper will slink back into his hair spray man cave.  That pencil necked geek John Clayton can disappear for a few months.  Ron Jaworski can stop talking about “all the tape” he is “breaking down”.  And by the way, who is it that does all these tape edits for Ron Jaworski to sit in front of to “break down”?  There must be a poor sap of a college graduate that has some sort of media degree that is chained to a computer putting together horrible permutations of game tapes for $14,000 a year.  Eh, fuck that kid.  He wanted to get into “sports”.  Live your dream kid, live your dream…

My advice?  Don’t turn on a TV or radio until Tuesday.  All the “drama” will turn out to be nothing.  Unless of course Manziel goes to Dallas, then God help us all…



At May 9, 2014 at 2:29:00 PM EDT , Blogger Bobdontgiveaf#ck said...

Obviously written before Johnny Fubar became a proud Cleveland Brown. Better keep the fire extinguisher handy. You're about to be media f#cked in every input. "Coming up at 11: See what pop-tart is Johnny's favorite flavor"! (Only on news channel 5!!) For YEARS!


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