Nurse the Hate: Hate The New Normal

It’s amazing how quickly one can adjust to bizarre circumstances.  I remember when I lived in the dorms in college.  I shared a bedroom with this guy I was randomly placed with named Jim.  I slept on the top bunk.  While I was initially disappointed about getting to the room second and having to climb that perch, I got used to it quickly.  In my first semester, I got mono and spent two months falling asleep reading “History of Civilization I” up in that bunk.  I know a great deal about Mesopotamia and the fertile bread basket where the Tigris and Euphrates met, but almost nothing after that as the text book was a sleeping pill to me. 

One Thursday night I woke up to my bed swaying slightly.  I was confused as it was 2:37am and I had been out cold for a good two hours.  As I became more aware of my surroundings I heard heavy breathing and bed springs.  I rolled over to look down on Jim’s bunk and saw his shiny ass pumping up and down in between some girl’s thighs I knew named Becky.  We made eye contact.  “Hi Becky.”  Jim just kept going ignoring me completely.  I rolled back over and waited for my little ride to end.  It didn’t seem that odd to me.  I was used to things like that after the previous two months of submarine like living in that tiny dorm room.  It wasn’t even that noteworthy at the time to wake up to watch a live sex show.

Another quick example…  About a month ago, Leo had a couple guys crashing out at his house.  One of them was a wildly out of control alcoholic that spoke almost completely in non-sequiturs.  I would roll up with my PA head in tow to find him on the porch drinking and smoking cigarettes.  I would offer him a greeting and his response would be something along the lines of “Don’t count your chickens dude!  Haw haw haw!”.   What?  We would then set up in the basement to work on songs.  He might appear from nowhere with Charlie, Leo’s dog, and start dancing around in the middle of the basement.  We just ignored him and kept moving ahead.  When Krusty and Bobby came over to knock out some Cowslingers material, I was very much used to this guy’s bizarre behavior.  Krusty and Bobby were not.  “What the fuck’s with this guy?”  I had become so used to the insanity, it didn’t even seem odd.  It’s just the way it was over at Leo’s house.

I can’t help but think that the American People have made this type of mental shift with our leadership.  In just the past few days we have a President that has:

·         Used a racial slur in front of Indian war heroes

·         Forwarded British "Alt Right" Party anti-Muslim hate videos on Twitter

·         Attacked the Free Press and suggested boycotting outlets that report inconvenient facts

·         Revived that insane “birther” conspiracy about Obama

·         Suggested that the “grab them by the pussy” video he had already admitted to and apologized for was doctored, essentially denying the undeniable

Yet, it’s hardly a ripple.  The high stakes and complicated North Korea issue is ratcheting up and this man is going to be a final word on a series of dominos falling that will re-shape events for generations.  It’s impossible to have a rational discussion to suggest Donald Trump is competent for his job.  Everyone in government is keeping their distance.  I think that things have now been so crazy for almost a year, so it doesn’t seem odd any longer.  It’s just the way it is now.  Why fight it?  The Leader of the Free World was arguing with LaVar Ball on Twitter?   Huh.  The President is going out of his way to make the obviously false claim that he’s turning down the Time Magazine “Man of the Year” award?  Hey, who wants tacos?

History is going to be a very cruel judge of Trump.  It will likely be an even more unforgiving judge on all of us that continue to do nothing in the face of this obvious danger. 

Nurse the Hate: The Joan Baez/Tom Jones Idea

When a great idea comes along, the most important thing is to grab that momentum and make it happen.  I was speaking with Bobby Lanphier today and we came into the idea of launching a national tour with Joan Baez doing a tribute to Tom Jones.  We are talking full costumes, show band, lots of dancing...  the whole deal.  Sure, maybe Joan Baez isn't the artist that most comes to mind here in that she made her bones as a protest folk singer and is now 76 years old.  Don't count her out.  She's definitely a Double Threat.  I'm sure she can dance.

This idea is Pure Gold.  I'm hoping "her team" doesn't take it and cut us out of the deal.  I will keep you advised as this project comes together.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

November 28, 2017

Joan Baez
Diamonds & Rust Productions
PO Box 1026
Mento Park, CA 94026
USA

Dear Ms. Baez,

  I was speaking with my associate, a Mr. Bob Lanphier, earlier today in Nashville (aka “Music City”).  Mr. Lanphier and I had a conversation which took an unexpected turn where we discussed your 1971 hit version of “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”.  Though as I understand it, the version was rather unpopular with Levon Helm, it certainly resonated with the public.  That led us to speculate on other potential cover versions of songs that might “pop” with the public, drive your sales, and create a buzz within the industry.

  Allow me, if you will, to say one name.  Tom Jones.  Ms. Baez, I think you’d agree that there’s only two things ALL people really enjoy.  These things are foot massages and the incomparable music of Tom Jones.  My associate and I quickly brainstormed a national tour featuring you with a high energy full band blowing up Tom Jones catalogue performances.  These would be complete with costume changes, lights, and a-c-t-i-o-n.  Imagine if you will a full band blasting behind you as you dazzle the crowd with “What’s New Pussycat?” in a skin tight leather cat suit accompanied by synchronized backup dancers.  That is entertainment pure and simple.  I am envisioning a 75 minute set of just the hits with the magic only you can provide with your golden voice.  Tom never had your pipes, and the possibility of re-inventing these songs is a rare opportunity to hit the bullseye artistically and financially.

  Now it is true that neither my associate nor I have any experience putting on a tour of this magnitude.  He is currently involved in “logistics” for a local hunger initiative.  He is however an Idea Man.  Let me assure you that he would only put on a show with the upmost respect for both the music and legacy of both you and Mr. Jones.  He is a bit of a song and dance man himself so his heart is always with the artists.  Me?  I will be the marketing arm of this monster.  I see billboards, TV, digital takeovers and even good old fashioned hand leaflets.  The media will explode on the target audiences.  We will need to secure key network morning news performance showcases to launch the tour, so just as an upfront warning you’ll likely have to smile through some couch interviews. 

  We mean business.  This tour will have a logical progression.  Large clubs to small theaters to outdoor sheds.  We will continue to up the production values as we ascend, though I will add the caveat that our initial club dates will have costuming and choreography headed up by my associate and I.  He has a pretty good eye for clothes and I think I'm a decent dancer.  He and I should be great as backup dancers for the initial shows.  Rest assured, we will be VERY hands on during the entire launch phase.

  I hope you are as excited about this idea as I am.  I will be in the Bay Area next week if you’d like to take a meeting.  I prefer to meet directly with you so we can avoid having your management team water down our vision.  We can loop them in at the appropriate time.

  Looking forward to our meeting,

  Greg Miller  

Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 12

I was standing confidently on the top of gambling’s version of Mount Olympus yesterday.  The early football games and multiple college basketball games had gone exactly as I had expected.  Multiple bets intertwined with each other in a confusing, yet absurdly profitable labyrinth.  I was quite smug as I sipped at champagne nestled in by the fire mentally counting my windfall.  I began to do google searches for such topics as “private jet rentals” and “Provence France vineyard opportunities”.   A wild seven team parlay was falling together with a ridiculous 23,710-1 payoff.  “Early retirement calculator” was an easy find on the web.  I felt confident.  Giddy even.  This is exactly the sort of attitude the displeases The Sports Gambling Gods.

Having a potential Southern French villa purchase tied into an event known as “The Egg Bowl” is not the traditional path to premium real estate ownership.  The Egg Bowl is the annual college football grudge match between Mississippi State and Ole Miss in which old scores are settled and arguments wage for years.  I had almost no prior knowledge about either team with the exception of knowing both programs were more crooked than a Reno Nevada gas station slot machine.  Each has placed themselves into a self-induced sanction of “no bowl games” with the obvious intention of hoping the NCAA doesn’t nose around their obviously amoral athletic programs and hit them with real punishments.  As I recall, one of the programs had been purchasing prostitutes for the players and the other openly handed out big envelopes of cash in the locker room after games.  It is Mississippi after all…

I had placed my faith in Mississippi State, ranked #14, as they were heavily favored and appeared to be the least concerned about following the basic NCAA rules.  That usually leads to short term gains and college football victories.  What I did not count on was the horrifying injury pictured above knocking out Mississippi State’s QB and best player.  This is what is referred to in gambling circles as a “devastating development” and “very bad news”.  Just like that, my dreams of my Southern French idyllic oasis had vanished.  It is probably for the best as I not only cannot speak French, but cannot pronounce anything in the language correctly even if drilled repeatedly.  There was an incident in a Bordeaux gas station once when I asked for directions to the train station.  I was aware that I was asking for “Gare Saint Jean”.  Even though I was armed with the facts, it made no difference as none of the folks in the convenient store could figure out that the American hillbilly asking for “Gar Saint Gene” in hard consonants was looking for “Gah Sah Jah”.  Easy come, easy go.

I will get right back on the horse on Sunday.  I have learned the lesson I learn each holiday when I construct the Galaxy of Wagers that it is generally a bad idea to gamble on things in which you have absolutely no information on.  I know this will not prevent me from gambling heavily on the meaningless NBA Christmas games.  If someone could remind me on Christmas morning, I would appreciate it.  I still have the illusion I know about the NFL though, so I am getting back in the mix.  Let’s get in there…

I am betting against the Browns.  I should have stacked heavy wagers against the Browns all year, but the taint of failure surrounding the team is so strong I assume it will strike my betting slips too.  I need to step away from that superstitious nonsense.  The Sports Gambling Gods frown on superstition.  The Browns are 2-8 against the spread.  They are reliably awful.  They cannot score points because they forgot to sign any good offensive players.  Yes, I know the Bengals are a subpar team, but this is the Browns we are talking about.  They have lost to the Bengals six times in a row.  Despite this probably being a low scoring game, I’m taking the Bengals -8.     

The Indianapolis Colts have quietly become a legitimate NFL franchise again.  They have been largely competitive week to week, but are so far below the radar of the average fan it is assumed they are the same as the Browns/49ers/Giants.  I am not suggesting that this team is very good, but I am saying there is good value with them at home getting points.  I especially like them against a mediocre Tennessee Titan team that looks like it is fading fast.  Tennessee is 0-6 in their last six trips to the RCA Dome.  They are 2-10 against the spread in their last 12 games against the Colts.  I did a little research here!  The home team usually covers in this matchup.  These are teams going the opposite way.  Tennessee has failed to cover in their last four games and the Colts have covered their last three in a row.  I’m going with the trend.  Indianapolis +3.5

Season Record 13-14-1

Nurse the Hate: Thanksgiving Galaxy of Wagers Part 1

When I was a kid in Philadelphia, I remember going to a Thanksgiving parade with my father downtown.  The air was crisp with that first hint of winter despite the sun gamely trying to warm the day.  The breeze rattled the fallen leaves on the sidewalk.  There were street cart vendors selling hot dogs and a man standing in front of a fire selling roasted chestnuts.  I was very impressed by the chestnut vendor.  I had seen a man selling chestnuts in a Charles Dickens TV adaption and I really wanted to try them.  “You don’t want those” my father said as he hustled me by.  I did want those.  I have yet to have street vendor roasted chestnuts.

I have almost no other memory of that day except the drive home.  We were twisting around secondary streets trying to get back to the highway.  Most of the key cross streets were closed due to the parade route.  We made a turn and found ourselves facing an older apartment building fully erupted into a fire.  Our route was blocked, so we pulled over and parked.  It was chaotic.  Multiple fire engines were just arriving.  Brilliant orange and red flames exploded out of a shattered window.  The gathering crowd gasped.  A skinny young black girl in jeans was running around the firemen yelling to no particular person in person “I don’t know where he at!  I don’t know where he at!”.  The firemen ignored her as they methodically pulled hoses from the trucks.  It smelled of must and smoke.

I stood with my back against a tree.  I was afraid of getting tossed into the chaos but was utterly riveted to the action.  This was like watching “Emergency” on TV but much better.  The flames whooshed out making the building sound like it was breathing.  The hoses turned on.  A young fireman grabbed an axe and ran right into the front door of the flaming building, bounding up the stairs.  I could not have been more impressed.  I would recreate that moment in my mind pretending to be him as I ran up the stairs of my house whenever I went to my room for the next two years.  My father and I stood and watched not saying a word.  The skinny black girl sat on the asphalt and started crying.  My father touched my shoulder and said we should go.  We got in the car and drove home silently.

I don’t remember anything else about that day.  I’m sure the football games were on TV when we got home.  Thanksgiving football is the one constant I have had in my life.  I am comforted by the idea that no matter what happens and regardless of the circumstances surrounding me, I will be able to bet against the Lions on Thanksgiving.  The Lions had an awful run where they went 1-12 on Thanksgiving, but have since won the last four years.  I’m in this thing for the long haul, so I am guessing the Lions regress back to their rightful place as disappointing the people of Michigan on Thanksgiving Day.  They have only beaten one team with a winning record this season, and that was Minnesota early.  It’s hard to beat the same team twice (assuming we aren’t talking about the Browns).  Even now I can see Whiskey Daredevils producer extraordinaire John Smerek muttering “fucking Lions” as the game winds down.  I’m on Minnesota -2.5

I have been saying all season long that the Chargers aren’t as bad as people think.  Now, this is hardly a ringing endorsement.  They are 4-6 after all.  They are probably the best team in the AFC West, which is like saying Glenn Fry is your favorite member of the Eagles.  When you hear something like that there is no recourse but to smile and offer lip service like “Oh, that’s so nice.”.  Still, let us agree that the Chargers are OK.  Not great.  They’re OK. 

Dallas is not OK.  They are 1-4 ATS at home.  The left tackle situation is bleak.  Dak Prescott is literally running for his life out there.  All those bubbly accolades he collected last season behind that impenetrable offensive line have disappeared.  It’s not his fault.  The Cowboys are bad right now and with Zeke suspended, now they're worse.  The Chargers, 3-1-1 ATS on the road do a great job of hanging around in games.  I’m guessing that the ugly Dallas defense fails to get it done and San Diego wins a close one.  Please note, I am not totally sold on this either, but it’s Thanksgiving so I am rolling with it.  San Diego pick ‘em.      

I fully expect to be heavily intoxicated on copious quantities of wine by the time the late game rolls around.  Washington vs the Giants is difficult to get excited about.  The Giants are playing with their eighth different OL combination in the last 11 games.  The Redskins were unable to practice on Tuesday because Coach Jay Gruden was quoted as saying “we don’t have enough healthy guys to go 11-on-11”.  This does not exactly portend to a great football game.  The Giants somehow won last week.  They are 1-5 ATS after a win.  So let’s bet the Redskins!  Well, the Skins are 1-6 ATS at home.  There is only one way to go on this.  The over.  The Redskins are 14-2 on the over versus losing teams.  The Redskins are 14-2 on the over after a loss.  Good enough for me.  Why complicate your Thanksgiving with rooting for a team with a bunch of players you can’t identify that are badly limping around?  It’s way better to be drunkenly looking at the screen saying things like “There you go!” when someone you’ve never heard of scores.  Washington/Giants OVER 45.

Season Record:  11-13-1

Each Thanksgiving Krusty emerges from his gambling cocoon.  He shakes himself awake, opens a domestic light beer, and assembles what he refers to as his “galaxy of wagers”.  Despite having almost no working knowledge of anything going on in the sports world, with the exception of a steady diet of Buffalo Bills sports talk, he will create absurd parlays and teasers.  Each game result has ramifications on multiple wagers.  It is a spider’s web of decadence.  I am considering doing him one better with two ridiculous Thanksgiving bets.  Gaze upon these with wonder:

PARLAY

Minnesota money line

Washington/Giants OVER 45

Mississippi State football money line (over Mississippi in the hotly contested Egg Bowl)

Xavier basketball (over George Washington)

St Mary’s basketball (over Harvard)

Or perhaps this…

TEASER

Lions +10

Chargers +5.5

Giants +14.5

Mississippi State -7.5

The key is maintaining a “how could this possibly lose” mindset as if it is inconceivable that the Chargers could lose to the Cowboys by a touchdown.  Another key is to make sure that you are a few drinks in as the wager is assembled and a strong Enabler is nearby.  Example:  “Krusty…  Get a load of this!  Lions plus ten, Chargers plus five and half, Giants plus 14 and a half and Miss State gives seven and a hook!  The only one that even slightly concerns me is San Diego.  The rest are a lock!”  Krusty takes a sip off his third beer.  “Run that by me again…  OK…  Yeah, I’m in on that!”.  About three hours later the whole thing blows up when the Vikings hit an otherwise meaningless field goal to win by 13.  The heavy drinking begins with a new scheme and so on.

I will advise when The Galaxy of Wagers is launched.  Stay tuned.

Nurse the Hate: The Kunick Boy

It was April 17^th when The Kunick Boy slid off Taylor Road and into the embankment.  His name was Keith, but almost everyone called him “The Kunick Boy”.  I believe the thought was that by not calling him by name, it could be implied that there was a distance between the speaker and whatever terrible thing Keith had inevitably done.  Keith was diagnosed once as being hyperactive, but that didn’t quite cover it.  I don’t know what it was exactly.  There was something about him that was just off.  He was unpredictable.  His wiring was wrong.  Even Keith was aware of it.  

There were many people that believed the accident was caused by alcohol.  I knew that wasn’t it.  Keith had stopped drinking after a few incidents when alcohol interacted with whatever combination of meds they had him trying.  He showed up at a party once in December wearing cheap sunglasses to try and hide a shiner he had received the night before.  He couldn’t remember where he had been or what had happened.  I don’t know why he thought no one would ask why he was wearing $3 red Ray Ban knockoffs on a winter’s night.  After that he stopped drinking.  His family gave him an ultimatum.  He then assumed a moral high ground like it was his decision alone to evolve, a superior being.  It was just overcompensation for his nagging understanding that something was broken with him, so I never called him on it.  He knew I knew.

The newspaper had a brief recap of the accident.  To most readers it was just another traffic incident.  It was just a few lines.  "A local man and woman were in an auto accident on Taylor Rd.  The woman was pronounced dead at the scene.  The man is in critical condition at St. Luke’s Hospital.  Police are investigating the cause of the accident."

What the article didn’t say was this.  Keith was driving a used Chevy Nova SS that he had just bought at Riley’s Auto World.  That was a beast of a car.  It was all engine and very little control.  He was likely trying to show off to Lisa Bliley, a sweet but somewhat misguided girl that gravitated to the broken birds she thought she could heal.  She thought Keith was introspective and deep.  He was actually moody and medicated.  She asked him to drive her home from a party at Patterson’s Barn.  Literally everyone was there at that party.  We knew he wasn’t drinking, but he seemed edgy.  He had that vibe to him that made even Patterson’s dogs shy away from him.

Keith went over the hill by Elk Creek too fast and lost control.  He must have been going 80-85 mph.  He slid across the lane and the car flipped when it hit grass.  They rolled over numerous times until the car settled on its roof in the ditch.  The police told the Bliley Family that Lisa died on impact.  I mean, what else could they do?  They couldn’t tell them the truth.  A good friend of mine had a brother that was a paramedic.  The way he heard it was that the car caught on fire.  Lisa’s legs were pinned in and crushed.  Keith had been thrown into the back seat.  The fire spread quickly.  Keith knocked out the back window and pulled himself out as Lisa screamed begging for him to help her.  He was almost clear when the gas tank blew.  Lisa died horribly in the fire.  Keith got third degree burns over most of his body.

Keith was unrecognizable in the hospital.  His face had been burned into a grimace that looked like a decomposing jack-o-lantern.  His mother kept a constant vigil.  She was torn between her son’s condition and the guilt of the Bliley girl’s death.  It was a small town.  Everyone knew everyone.  Keith died on the fourth night in the hospital.  I heard he had regained consciousness briefly but didn’t speak.  He could only open one eye and it darted around for a few minutes until it closed again.  They used his high school graduation photo in the obituary.  There was a small private burial.  I didn’t go.  No one I knew did.

I saw Mrs. Kunick a few months later at the IGA grocery store.  She smiled as I greeted her.  She looked thinner than I had seen her last.  Not a healthy thin, but gaunt.  She had a forced smile as we exchanged small talk.  There was an electricity behind her eyes and face like she was trying to maintain control.  She was playing the role of contented suburban mother and wife but threatening to break character any second.  She told me to say hello to my mother for her as she climbed into her car.  Behind me I heard two women whisper to each other.  “That’s her.  The mother of The Kunick Boy.”                       

Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 11

There are things that must be absolutes to be able to live a tethered life.  There must be some sort of foundation or there is chaos.  One of the only things I can recall from the three sociology classes I took was the concept of “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs”.  The idea is that life is a pyramid where the most basic physical needs must be addressed first, like air to breath and a water supply.  From there it goes to shelter/safety, love and belonging, to esteem all the way to the lofty goal of self-actualization.  The interesting thing about that class was that I took it with a girlfriend that betrayed my trust in the midst of learning this.  I was able to see that while I thought I was scratching towards “self-actualization”, with a swift turn of events I tumbled well below “esteem” and was left picking up the shattered pieces of “love and belonging”.    

We did that thing where we sat as far apart from each other as possible in the class and pretended the other didn’t exist.  Meanwhile we both almost blew out our eye sockets straining to see out of the corners of our eyes looking at each other for a sign of weakness.  It was a sick and counterproductive final few weeks of the semester.  Probably because of the personal drama I was involved in, I was always able to remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  Each moment of the lecture I was able to narcissistically apply to myself.  “Yes!  Maslow you’ve really got it figured out!  You know exactly what a horrible woman can do to a man!”  I must have listened to a lot of slow Cure records during that time.  Thank God I didn’t know about The Swans then.  Or heroin.

The fact remains that there must be certainties in life.  You need to feel like the earth is solid below your feet as you try to become the best version of “you” that is possible.  Life is like a wobbly house of cards.  At any moment it can collapse and you can be forced to re-evaluate back from the bottom.  There needs to be at least something that is known to be true.  However, no matter how far you tumble down the pyramid, there is solace in knowing that the Cleveland Browns are terrible and will remain so ever more.

The Browns feel really good about themselves after their game with the Lions.  They played, easily, their best game of the year.  At times they appeared to be a competitive NFL Football Team.  What has been lost in this feel-good story is they still lost by 14 points and the Lions easily covered the spread.  Now the Browns are at home against the Jacksonville Jaguars, a team that has been slowly building themselves into a defensive force with high draft picks.  The Jags are sort of like the anti-Browns, where the players they have drafted have turned out to be good.  The Jags hit the QB so often that the team has earned the nickname “Sacksonville”.  This is not good for the sore ribbed DeShone Kizer.

Jacksonville has real issues in the receiving corps with anyone with experience injured.  They are going to run out there with “a bunch of guys”.  I don’t think that will be a big issue as the Jags will likely combine a strong running game with dink/dunk passes to the RBs and TEs to methodically score 24-28 points in dull fashion.  With the spread, that means the Browns will have to somehow score three touchdowns to cover the spread.  No way.  The Browns are somehow worse than their 0-9 record indicates.  Just to be safe though, I’m going to buy down a point and take Jacksonville -6.5 at -155.

There are too many games with uncertainties out there this week.  The Patriots play the Raiders, normally a game of great interest.  However, the NFL put the game in Mexico City.  I’m not touching that.  How do I know if Tom Brady doesn’t go out to see Lucha Libre on Saturday night and get all fueled up on mescal?  Maybe he decides to buy a bunch of street tacos and spends Sunday shitting out everything he has eaten since 2007.  Too much left to chance.

The Bills are starting some shitty backup rookie QB thinking that will give them a jumpstart.  Has a team with a winning record inserting a guy into his first game midseason on the road ever worked out?  (see Manziel, John for reference)  At least the guy gets to play on the road in front of a disinterested Los Angeles crowd (or lack thereof).  Still, I’m not touching that game with a spread of six.  How about Miami and Tampa with no Jameis or Tannehill?  Nope.  You want Ossweiler and the Broncos at home giving two and a half?  OK, then take the other side with the Bengals getting the points on the road at Denver.  Yeah, that’s not so good either.  I have no clue as to who is starting in that Houston v Arizona game.  The Ravens and Packers game might not even be televised, but since everything else looks so awful I am going to wade in there.

Baltimore has always been a bad road team.  Well, not always…  Back when Ray Rice was knocking out the ladies and Ray Lewis was “allegedly” dumping blood soaked clothes in the trash they were really good.  That was a long time ago though.  They are 3-8-1 ATS in their last 12 on the road.  The Packers, who screwed me last week by beating the Bears, just might have found out how to cobble together an offense.  Not a great offense, but probably enough to win.  I feel slightly ill that I am betting on this game.  I am not even going to watch it.  This is certainly a cry for help.  I am a long way from self-actualization here.  Green Bay +2.5.  

    

Season Record:  10-12-1