Nurse the Hate: Three Valuable Possessions and the Jets! Jets! Jets!

 

When the weather is unusually warm, it doesn't seem like Christmas.  Outdoor lights seem cheap.  The decorations seem ridiculous.  It is like the population is trying to will itself into a Hallmark TV special.  Admittedly, no one wants to watch "A Very Depressing Gray and Rainy Cleveland Christmas", so I get the snowman motif.  Powdery snow is more fun than a muddy puddle.  Thanks to "climate change" or as can be more accurately referred to as "it doesn't snow here like it did ten years ago", I don't even know where my snow shovel is.  I haven't started my snow blower in a half decade.  We are like those Florida houses with plastic Santa sleds but ours catch dead leaves instead of palmetto fronds.  Still, you want to celebrate the holidays in some way.

The holidays bring out many trophy bottles of wine in my various tasting circles.  I get psyched to try all these wines and write quick useful notes.  I spend more time than you would imagine diligently writing tasting notes even in the most mundane circumstances.  For example, I wrote a tasting note on a "Wine of France" which was classified as a "white wine" on the label on the airline cart of the London to Washington DC leg.  (Simple apple/citrus fruit with an almost remarkable lack of finish... the premature ejaculation in the chardonnay world).  Here's a quick wine tip for when you are in the liquor store and you don't know what to decide on as you stare at the 10,000 wine options.  Generally, the more specific the location of the grapes, the better the wine.  Wine labels try to trick you into thinking they are fancy with photos of grand chateau and names like "Rothington Estates" or "Old Vines Special Reserve".  That's a trick to get your money.  When you look at the smaller print it will say something large scale like "California" or "Central Coast".  It's like if I sold you a house and told you it was in "Ohio".  That means it might be the charming cottage next to the gurgling Chagrin River or more likely in Youngstown next to the railroad tracks by the abandoned house where the addicts shoot up.  They're both "Ohio".  You want very specific info, ideally the vineyard.  X vineyard in Y Village in Z approved wine area.  That was about two years of wine education distilled into the three sentences normal people need to know.  You're welcome.  

A friend of mine brought her prized 2000 Cannubi Boschis Barolo (vineyard/village/region, see?).  "This is probably my third most valuable possession behind my dog and my vespa."  I instantly got an image of her on her Vespa fleeing a house fire cradling her dog while clasping the Barolo, though a much safer option would be a sidecar on the Vespa.  Maybe get the dog some goggles, or "doggles" as I believe they are called.  Regardless, she brought this old Italian wine to the group to share, which is a heckuva nice gesture.  Anyone that would share their third most valuable possession is good people.  We waited until the last wine to open it up, so sure that we would have the splendor of aged Barolo from the best vineyard of all.  She took out the cork, poured the wine and gave it a sniff.  It was corked.  

To discover your third most valuable possession is in fact without value is horribly depressing.  Making matters worse, she had to do so in a public setting, much like the Jaguars do each Sunday with Trevor Lawrence.  Lawrence was the "can't miss" #1 pick of the draft, a player no one debated as being worthy of building a franchise around.  Here we are on Christmas, and he hasn't thrown a touchdown since Halloween.  He has been so bad, that even when they ran the toxic Urban Myer out of town, he still went out and lost to a horrible Texans team last week.  The Jags are so bad, that I am taking the Jets today to beat them.  Willingly betting on the Jets is normally a cry for help, but the Jags have given up, especially after losing convincingly to the Texans last week.  Meanwhile I think the Jets, who continue to play hard, have this game circled on their schedule as "possible win".  I'll take the Jets -2.5 at home.   

I watched the Steelers beat the Titans last week after being completely outplayed.  They are sort of like the flipside of the Browns, a team that can always find a way to lose despite clear advantages.  The Chiefs have had covid rip through the team, and as soon as I saw Kelce and Hill out, the Steelers came on my radar.  Pittsburgh is getting 10.5 points today, a line I normally associate with teams like the Giants and Texans.  The Steelers are a prideful team still in the mix for a playoff berth despite clearly being rebuilding on the fly.  I just need them to do what they do, sorta hang around in the game keeping it close and hoping to make a big defensive play late.  Hill is back, but hopefully is nice and sick.  (A little Xmas cheer for you) Pittsburgh +10.5

The Vikings are a team that are perceived to be really bad.  They lost every close game in the beginning of the season, so The Public thinks of them as being shitty.  Meanwhile the Rams are the reverse.  They are a flashy team with all kinds of fantasy football big names on the roster.  The Public loves the Rams, but I'm not sure why.  The Rams don't play well against "tough" teams, which is exactly what the Vikings are.  The Vikings are going to punch you in the face and try to get Dalvin Cook going.  They throw the occasional pass to their outstanding receivers, and play solid defense.  I like that matchup.  Making matters even better, the Rams played on Tuesday, making this a short week for them (on Xmas no less!).  Now they fly three time zones over to play at 1pm, a spot where Kirt Cousins thrives AND you get points with Minnesota.  This is a bad spot for the Rams.  I love the Vikings to win today, but I'm taking it Minnesota +3.5.   

Season Record:  25-28

      

  

Nurse the Hate: Chilean Wine, The Motor City, and Me

 I fell down a rabbit hole of Chilean wine.  There are a half dozen Chilean wines I'm going to open today, taste through, and then invite over some trustworthy degenerates to finish off as I scream at the ill-advised wagers I made with My Guys In The Desert.  It's coming together this Sunday.  I am convinced that if I even walk outside I will get covid, thus relegated to spending Xmas alone watching Christmas Story while sniffling and drinking port.  My plan on Xmas is to be surrounded by Browns fans watching their dreams get crushed while I cash in on a huge bet on Green Bay.  Tis the season.  But right now it is all about dodging the virus yet again, if just for another week so I can attend a nice local Super Spreader Event.  

By the way, after this deep dive into Chile, I would recommend traveling there.  It seems absolutely gorgeous with plenty of rocky Pacific Coast shorelines, dramatic mountain landscapes, and significantly less political death squads, which can really mess up a vacation.  Let me tell you, no one wants their vacation ended by standing with a hood over your head yelling "Excuse me, but I'm an American!  I demand you take me back to the Hilton!" right before you get shot in the head on a dusty backroad.  They moved out of that now, so maybe put Santiago in your travel plans.

Chile a long thin country that goes down the west coast of South America, so people think of it as North/South.  It should actually be thought of as coastal/valley/mountain X north/south.  It's more like six major zones with tiny microclimates all over the place.  They've never had the agricultural diseases and pest issues the rest of the planet has had due to their relative isolation.  There is no reason why great wines shouldn't come from there besides the reliable $9.99 grocery store wines.  I'm looking forward to seeing what they're doing with pinot noir and syrah in the more cool climate areas.  Yet, that's not all that is on my mind...  

There are two ways to look at this Jacksonville v Texans game.  1.  It's a horrible game between two awful teams, each of which is more motivated than the other to lose and insure a better draft pick.  In theory, the better organization would not visibly tank the game, but rather devise an ineffective game plan that would present the illusion that it just wasn't their day today and the opponent just played to an emotional victory.  Let's say that the Jags can't cover tight ends.  The Texans then refuse to throw at their tight end, and instead only call off tackle runs towards a few of the only decent Jags defenders.  They lose 17-6, move up in the draft order, and pretend they lost a close contest.  Hell, that's what I would do.  

There's also option 2.  The Jags have just fired their coach, one of the most toxic human beings on the planet.  The team breathes a sigh of relief, realizes the season is truly over, and the players are only concerned about putting good tape together for a roster spot next year somewhere else.  It becomes 11 guys on the field with 11 different agendas being coached by a staff that has already started to pack as they know they will be swept clean next year by the new regime.  It's a team with no leadership, lots of drama, and no plan.  It's a fucking mess.  Oh... and they are giving the Texans 5.5 points.

Trevor Lawrence has thrown one TD since Halloween.  He's not real good.  The most points the Jags have scored this season is 23.  And they're giving points?  Unless some sort of offensive guru coach has been suppressed by Urban Myer, a head coach that appeared to have little interest in the actual game plans, they should fail to move the ball again today.  The Texans are really, really bad but so are the Jags.  I'll take the points.  Houston +5.5

I'm going to take another awful team today, the Detroit Lions.  It's interesting that though I live about two hours away from Detroit, I don't think I have ever seen someone in NE Ohio wearing Lions gear.  I have spent a decent amount of time in Detroit recording.  Once again, I can't recall seeing anyone walking around with a Lions hat on.  I have seen plenty of Tigers, Red Wings, and even Pistons gear.  No Lions.  Even the people of Detroit forget about the Lions.  I'm counting on the Cardinals forgetting about them too.

The Cardinals just lost a close, hard fought game versus the division rival Rams last week.  Next week they are looking at the Colts.  Now they have to travel on a short week after a Monday night game to the east coast time zone, and pick up a quick win over the Lions.  If there was ever a flat spot on a schedule, this it it.  The Lions suck, but they play hard.  They're 8-5 ATS, covering 4 of their last 5.  They are 3-0 at home as an underdog of 10+ points.  God help me, but I'm on Detroit +12.5.

I continue to hear shadowy whispers about "something" going on with Lamar Jackson.  Normally, if a marquee player has an issue, the media is killing themselves to be the first to report it.  Whatever the issue is must be so explosive that no one wants to be out front on it.  Regardless, Lamar has sucked since the first month of the season.  Now he's going to play the Packers while hobbled with a sprained ankle.  If Lamar has limited mobility, what exactly is he bringing to the table?  Aaron Rodgers can throw for three touchdowns on an amputated leg.  The Ravens have been unreal in their ability to overcome injuries this season, but this game seems like too much to ask.  They have no healthy d-backs while facing the probable NFL MVP.  Green Bay -7. 

Season record:  23-27       

Nurse the Hate: My New Burgundy Book and NFL Week 14

 

I have returned from Portugal and the UK, where I have concluded that international travel is possible but a pain in the ass.  If you think the covid protocols are confusing wherever you are living, don't worry, they are just as confusing everywhere else but in slightly different ways.  Still, it's a manageable inconvenience.  It was nice to be back out and have confirmation that the world was bigger than my computer screen, occupation, and 25 minute radius of my house.  Standing at Quinta do Noval and looking down at the indescribably majestic Douro Valley as a warm wind kicked up made all the hassle worth it.  There is a sense of how temporary moments are while standing there, as the same vineyards have been producing the same wines the same way since the 1700s.  Generations churn along, all with their problems and challenges, while the valley and patchwork of vines are a landscape that present the same basic view.  There were men standing in that same spot worried about if they could shoot the rapids of the river to get their wine to market, or if the French Revolution was going to screw up their business, or if this Hitler fella was more than just a fiery speaker.  Meanwhile my biggest challenge was having my nose swabbed so I could safely pop across the ocean in a few hours.  It's all just perspective I guess.

I am looking forward to spending a day frivolously watching football and leafing through a new book I purchased.  I bought a massive book on Burgundy called "Inside Burgundy" by Jasper Morris MW.  The book is so physically large that I didn't want to absorb the cost of shipping it to the United States, which would have been roughly the same cost as flying Jasper Morris to my house so he could just tell me everything he knew about Burgundy as we watched football on the couch together.  

I bought the book at a historic London wine merchant called Berry Brothers & Rudd, a shop which has been importing and selling wine since 1698 at No. 3 St. James Street, just down the way from Buckingham Palace.  It has that Euro specialty shop sensibility where you feel like the staff has dismissed you as being unworthy the second after you walk in the door.  I am trying to work out right now if this feeling is based on my own insecurities or a cultural disconnect.  True, their customer base is probably focused on the various Brit douchebag lawyers that have sprouted up in the area like weeds, so they likely have their own defense mechanisms.  All those lawyer guys have a look.  They all go to the same men's wear shop and hair stylist.  There is no doubt that they are a handful to deal with when they preen on into the shop.  I would think I would be a breath of fresh air when I arrive all windblown in my shabby jeans and suitcase wrinkled shirt, but I likely send out the vibe of "American rube".  

This book was a chore to carry back to the hotel.  I can't believe the obsessive level of detail Morris committed himself to on it.  If you want to know who owns a tiny vineyard in Chambolle-Musigny, how they got it, and their policy on barrel usage is in making their wines, this is the book for you.  Yes, I think we can say this is a bit of a specialty book.  I can't imagine how long it took to assemble much less write.  It sort of points out, in rather dramatic fashion, how far I have to travel on my "MW journey".  (Like most of the English speaking world right now, the program refers to itself as "a journey" more often than I am comfortable.). Even if the sales of this book are limited to geeks like me, it's still a massive achievement he accomplished writing it at all.  I hope he takes comfort in knowing that it will be my companion today as we watch the Falcons v Panthers game.

Look, I am not terribly interested in that Panthers game.  It's just that I feel like the wheels have completely come off Carolina.  They fired their OC this week, as if he was to blame for not being able to score with a trio of QBs like Darnold/Walker/Newton.  Newton went 5 for 21 with two picks a couple weeks ago.  You can't win with that.  The vindictive nature of cutting the OC guy loose now and going out of your way to say you fired him "strictly for football reasons" means that something else was going on there.  Remember when the Panthers were 3-0 and everyone was talking about how they were a team on the rise?  That was a lifetime ago.  I'll take a crappy Falcons team +3.   Atlanta +3

I'm on Tampa today.  I don't know what happened to the Bills.  They were supposed to be an elite team, but before they got to enjoy their post-Tom Brady reign as the new AFC East powerhouse, The Hoodie cobbled together another team to beat them.  That game they lost last week had to be brutal.  They needed that win.  Instead they lost a physical game, lost their best cornerback, and now have to travel to Florida to play their nemesis Tom Brady after a bye.  That's a bad position to be in.  I am concerned that this seems to be a very popular side to bet on, but I can't figure out how to talk myself into the Bills winning.  Tampa -3.5

I want to bet against the Browns today, but the Ravens have a bunch of warning lights flashing red on them too.  This seems like a perfect time for Baltimore to stick a spear in the Browns season, but I don't trust Lamar right now.  There are also some rumors swirling around that Mayfield is going to get the hook if he's ineffective early.  Sadly, I would be all over Cleveland if Case Keenum was starting, which doesn't bode well for Mayfield's financial future on a new massive contract.  

Then I was thinking about betting on the Jets, which is ALWAYS a bad idea.  The Saints can't score, and now they are starting a bad QB with an injured hand.  However, I also can't come to grips with the idea of willingly walking up to a betting window with my money and saying "I'd like to entrust this money to Zack Wilson and the Jets sir!".  To do that is an act of madness and would essentially be me saying publicly, "I need help".  Frankly, if the line had stayed at Jets +6.5 at home, I might have done just that.  

Instead, I am going to do another foolhardy thing and take Cincinnati at home over San Francisco.  I can't figure out why a team that just lost to Seattle is favored on the road versus a team battling to win the AFC North.  Sure, Deebo Samual is going to try to play through his groin injury, but we have all seen that movie before.  The big news to me is that both of the 49ers starting cornerbacks are out today.  I think the one thing we can all agree on is that the Bengals can throw the ball.  I'm looking for a big day from Joe Burrow.  Cincinnati +1.5

Season Record 21-26

              

Nurse the Hate: Hate Omicron

 

It's all about Omicron now.  I am traveling again, just in time for every frenzied Omicron Variant protocol to be shoved in place.  I took a covid PCR test in Ohio on Friday morning so I could get the results back in a 72 hour window for when I need to have it in hand to present it in Portugal upon entry so they can allow me to take another covid test for when I land on Monday.  I am in London right now, where I had to upload evidence of a covid test that needed to be taken upon entry.  That was purchased from a pharamacy chain called "Boots", which doesn't sell boots, but they do deliver covid tests to your hotel.  The Royal Mail provided a confirmation email which cheerfully stated that my covid test would be arriving at my hotel "between 732a-1032a" the day of my arrival, which was all the UK needed to wave me in.  It is now one day later and that covid test has yet to arrive.  I have been obeying all covid protocols, with a mask mandate back for all public indoor spaces, including the pub where I had a "game mince pie" and about 174 people stood in the main floor shoulder to shoulder maskless knocking back Peroni pints.  Not to worry, because I took a covid test to ease the fears of some people I was meeting which came back negative.  The meeting held in a public space where we were expected to be masked, which is fine, but we are also surrounded by 692 unmasked people. 

I am flying to Portugal tomorrow morning, and with my Ohio covid results email in hand, hope to be able to land in Porto where I will be expected to take another covid test and then schedule one for my Portugal departure, as well as one for my re-arrival back in the UK as a double whammy to be compliant for my UK arrival/US departure 24 hour window.  The UK results will come after I have left the UK, but hopefully are OK for the totally unclear USA admissions policy.  It should be noted I am vaxed and boosted, show no signs of having covid, and am one of the only people playing ball on the mask policy.  One does what one has to do with a foe as frightful as... OMICRON!  

I have done a large amount of plinking around on the internet to learn about this hot new variant.  I heard a breathless report about how it has surfaced in Connecticut and California.  I also heard about how "science" is going to stop this from going everywhere, but I think we all know that it's already there anyway.  The thing I couldn't figure out is why we are supposed to be so scared.  The cases don't seem to be more severe, and in fact, are being reported as "like a common cold" amongst people that are vaccinated.  The covid rate went from "orange" to "purple" in London, making it one of the highest infection rates being reported in the planet at 64 per 100,000.  That does make it a .0064 chance I come in contact with someone with covid and then whatever my latest boost does to combat that.  Once again, I am having a hard time understanding why I am going through all this hassle when it could be avoided if the rest of the population took the medicine to turn this into what it is for me... a bad head cold.    

The odds of me getting covid are low, but not as low as getting a sure fire winner with the Miami Dolphins over the Giants.  As soon as I saw that Miami was giving the Giants 2.5 on the release of this line, I jumped on Miami.  It's a simple idea.  The Giants are fucking terrible and have been playing worse.  The Dolphins are sort of shitty but have been playing better, reliably defeating their shitty opponents.  Then I heard the good news that the Giants are starting Mike Glennon at QB instead of concussed Daniel Jones, which is somehow a downgrade (sorry Mike).  To use a fabulous Vegas term, there is a "lot of steam" on Miami right now, which concerns me.  I am in at Miami -2.5 but the line has shot to -6.  

I like Pittsburgh +4.5 today.  Yes Ben Roethlesberger looks like he's 87 years old out there, and yes they just got destroyed by Cincinnati.  This is EXACTLY why one needs to be on Pittsburgh.  A defense like the Steelers that just got embarrassed last week will be putting forth tremendous effort against a Ravens team that frankly can't score.  I keep hearing rumbling about how "something is wrong with Lamar", the kind of "wrong" that no one wants to say publicly.  He has played like shit for a month and had that mysterious illness keep him out of a game.  Without Lamar playing well, the Ravens have nuthin.  Let's be counterintuitive and take the shitty Steelers +4.5.

Season record:  19-26