Nurse the Hate: Hate Commercial Country and NFL Week 3

 

I shop at an "upscale" grocery store.  It's not like they're selling Romanee Conti and caviar in there.  No one is playing a harpsichord.  It's considered "upscale" in Cleveland because they have some humanely raised meat, import condiments, and granola not made by Kelloggs.  The other grocery stores near me have end aisle displays of Tuna Helper and a disproportionately large number of customers that use the grocery cart like a walker.  If you are braced on the handle of the cart for dear life as you trudge around the store winded buying soda, chips, and nothing resembling fresh produce, I'm suggesting you need to make some lifestyle changes.  If I stop into one of those stores because I need a quick item, I almost always leave depressed.  

I was doing my weekly shop in my normal store when suddenly I noticed something was off.  Then it hit me.  Someone had set the in store sound system to play popular country music.  I am not a fan of this genre because I find almost all of the songs insulting to my intelligence.  There is also often some sort of discomforting nationalism and celebration of "the simple life", which often equates to reveling in lack of education, income, and fealty to Christianity.  Most of these songs sound like the car ads for the marketing campaign of soft fascism and white nationalism that's the "Good Old Days with Folks Just Like You" Republican election deniers peddle.  

Like most Top 40 songs, I can't match the artist with the song because I find the music so uninteresting.  For example, I know who Brad Paisley is conceptually, but I don't know what any of his songs sound like.  Well, until today when I discovered his Ford Truck jingle of a song "This Is Country Music".  Check out these absolute shit lyrics...

   You're not supposed to say

The word cancer in a song

And tellin' folks Jesus is the answer

Can rub 'em wrong

It ain't hip to sing about tractors, trucks

Little towns and mama

Yeah that might be true

But this is country music and we do

Well, you like to drink a cold one

On the weekend and get a little loud

Do you wanna say I'm sorry or I love ya

But you don't know how?

Do you wish somebody had the nerve

To tell that stupid boss of yours

To shove it next time he yells at you?

Well, this is country music, and we do

So turn it on, turn it up and sing along

This is real, this is your life in a song

Yeah this is country music

Are you haunted by the echo of your mother

On the phone?

Cryin' as she tells you that

Your brother is not coming home?

And if there's anyone that still

Has pride and the memory of those

That died defending the old red, white and blue

This is country music and we do

So turn it on, turn it up and sing along

This is real, this is your life in a song

Just like a road that takes you home

Yeah this is right where you belong

This is country music

This is country music

So the point of the song is that your brother is going to get killed overseas in some undeclared war, but anyone that questions why he died is somehow unpatriotic.  Some people don't want to hear about Jesus, and this is clearly a minority point of view.  Good folks like us LOVE Jesus.  You've got a shitty job where your supervisor yells at you, a dead brother, an emotionally destroyed mother, somebody has cancer, but dammit you're an AMERICAN and THIS IS WHERE YOU BELONG!  Is this or is this not a car jingle for maintaining a bleak status quo?  

Then, at the Browns game, the "game presentation" had a feature where the crowd somehow voted for what song they wanted to sing along to in the Fourth Quarter as they watched the Browns historically collapse to the Jets.  Some piece of crap called "Chicken Fried" by Zac Brown Band somehow won, yet another song by a band I knew WHO they were but not what they sounded like.  

Raise your glasses for a toast

To a little bit of chicken fried

A cold beer on a Friday night

A pair of jeans that fit just right

And the radio up

Well I've seen the sunrise

See the love in my woman's eyes

Feel the touch of a precious child

And know a mother's love

I thank God for my life

And for the stars and stripes

May freedom forever fly, let it ring

Salute the ones who died

The ones that give their lives so we don't have to sacrifice

All the things we love

Like our chicken fried   

Who the hell is it that's trying to take these Good American's fried chicken?  Afghanis?  Iraqis?  The "Immigrant Hordes" of Central Americans that they're being told about on Fox news?  Hell, those people are more likely to end up cooking their fried chicken instead of requiring the sacrifice of that fried chicken.  Who do you think does all the work in America's restaurants?  When did all this bullshit music become the background soundtrack to America?  I don't want to hear these Christian Neo Fascist Brainwash nursery rhymes when I go out in public.  How did America become one giant Wal Mart?  I never thought I'd think of Huey Lewis as edgy background music.

I am going to spend this Sunday watching football listening to 60s psychedelia, Brit post punk like the Idols and Fontaines, King Khan, and some old Johnny Cash records like "Ride This Train".  My mind needs a thorough scrubbing.  I do feel a certain sense of "opportunity" on a few games this weekend, though I hope not because my brain has been twisted by this shit commercial country.  Week 3 can be quite confusing.  For example, do I believe Green Bay is the team that looked awful in losing to the Vikings, or are they the team that dominated the Bears?  I'm leaning towards the latter as Rodgers did ayahuasca and blew his mind this summer instead of working with his receivers.  Sunday the Packers play a Tampa team that has 9 of 11 starters on offense on the injury report.  Tampa's left tackle is making his first NFL appearance.  All three Tampa receivers are out, and the team signed Cole Beasley off the street to play tomorrow.  Brady has a hurt finger on this throwing hand.  This is Green Bay versus the Tampa Bucs laundry, not the Bucs.  Also, teams that play their first two games on the road (like Tampa) are 38% ATS in their first home game.  Green Bay +1       

Buffalo looks unbeatable.  There has not been any evidence that any team in the league is even able to play them close much less beat them.  Buffalo goes to Miami on Sunday, a team that pulled one out of their ass last weekend versus Baltimore.  Buffalo lost their All Pro safety Micah Hyde for the season last week, and are going to try to cover the Dolphins terrifyingly fast receivers with two rookie cornerbacks.  I know Buffalo looks great, but this is the NFL and playoff caliber teams are razor close.  To win, you have to make bets that are uncomfortable.  This is uncomfortable.  I'll take Miami at home with points.   I love these early season games where teams from the North get to play in humidity in South Florida at 1pm.  Miami +4.5

Seattle isn't very good.  That week one win over Denver was basically their Super Bowl.  Lost in the excitement of the win was that Seattle didn't cross midfield in the second half.  They have about half as many yards as their opponents and average 1.2 yards less per play.  That high profile win over Denver has The Public thinking Seattle is better than they are.  Atlanta on the other hand, is better than perception.  They are 0-2 with close losses to New Orleans and the Rams.  No shame there.  Look, neither of these teams are that good.  I'm certainly not going to watch this game, but I'm betting on it.  Atlanta is better than Seattle, and they have to win somewhere.  Atlanta money line.

Season record: 3-4