Nurse The Hate: Holiday Travel Fun and NFL WEEK 16

I was in Barbados this week.  I went diving for the first time in three years.  It was nice to flop into the ocean and explore shipwrecks, look at big stingrays, sea turtles, and fuck my ear up making a rookie mistake in pressurization.  Carlise Bay is an outstanding dive site.  It wasn’t easy to get there.  The trip took fifty two (52) hours from door-to-door.  I went into this trip optimistically.  The good people at Klusterfuck Airlines sent me an email assuring me my flight timed to beat the BOMB CYCLONE would be right on time.  Why, I even checked in, drove to the airport, and settled in for a pre flight sandwich as I got ready to board.  I had outmaneuvered THE BOMB CYCLONE.  This was when I received a text.  “Klusterfuck Flight 2655 has been delayed 20 minutes.”  

Hey, no problem.  I will still make my connection and all is well with the world.  Shortly afterwards I received a new text.  “Klusterfuck Airlines Flight 2655 is cancelled.  Good luck bro.”  It turned out that when I received the email at home to get to the airport for my flight, the plane I would be on was already grounded in some other city.  I immediately got on my phone as I walked to the Klusterfuck Airlines desk.  I have found that having someone in person is much better than navigating the Electronic Dungeons of Airline Call Centers.  This is due to the fact that almost everyone at the airline call center is largely incompetent.  These are not high paying jobs.  They do not attract the elite students, or people that excel in multi-faceted problem solving.  The barrier of the phone allows these people to abandon you at the first hurdle, whereas if you are standing in front of someone, they at least have to try to do something.

Klusterfuck had automatically reticketed me for a Wednesday departure.  The issue was it was currently Thursday.  That was six days away.  I was to return the following Friday.  Klusterfuck was going to send me to Barbados for 22 hours at a price of a ticket that could have bought me a decent used vehicle.  I strongly objected to this plan to the good people at Klusterfuck.  This was when I went into full Land Sailor mode.  While the rest of the gazelle lined up for whatever Klusterfuck would dish out, the cheetah re-booked himself on JetBlue for a Saturday post-BOMB CYCLONE departure at a price we can all agree was criminal. I then called Klusterfuck and had them agree to pay for this ticket.  

Now, you might ask yourself, “How did you do that?”.  Allow me to let you into the secret of dealing with corporate America.  The secret is to get past the gatekeepers on the front lines.  When the call center tells you “We can’t do that.”, they are probably telling the truth.  They are outfitted with computer software that allows them to make almost no independent decisions.  You’ve been on those phone lines.  Are you, as the CEO, going to allow your stock holders to hold you accountable for the decisions made by the call center agents?  No way.  This is the absolute key in dealing with these call centers.  Continue to ask for a supervisor, but do so in a non-threatening way.  Call center operator has no interest in moving an angry caller onto their supervisor to have a conversation about how much they suck.  “Excuse me, I’m not angry with you.  I understand there is only so much you can do to help me.  You’ve been great, but can I speak with your supervisor?”

This needs to keep being repeated, on multiple calls if necessary, until you find a logical human being with a shred of power.  It took me four calls with 13 different people until I struck gold. Once I got the right person, what I had been told was “impossible” was handled in a few simple key strokes.  While countless gazelle slept on airport floors like shivering refugees, I made it to my new connection city, albeit two days late.  I then spent a night at the slightly terrifying South Boston Bayside Doubletree where I did not receive my touted warm cookie emblazoned on the shuttle bus, but I did keep my door locked for fear of the dozen high-as-fuck Middle Eastern men wandering the halls yelling across the hotel at each other.  I had an Xmas Eve chicken parm sub delivered in one hour and fifty seven minutes by a man named “Tom” who was on a bike at 11:23pm in 14 degree temps.  I was torn between tipping him generously for being out and getting me fed on Xmas Eve at almost midnight or stiffing him completely as he showed up 80 minutes late with a cold sub.  I tipped him pretty well when I saw the guy.  Let’s be honest, you’ve made some bad choices if you’re delivering Uber Eats on a bike as a 50+ year old man on Xmas Eve.

The next day looked like it would go off without a hitch.  There was no sign of the swarthy Middle Eastern guys and their cologne and warm up suits.  The shuttle bus even got me to the airport.  This was when I sat on the plane on the runway for two and a half hours in Boston because the Xmas Day airport baggage staff had sent all the luggage for all international flights to the wrong place.  I was so close.  I was on the plane.  In my seat.  Now I’d be cutting it close for Xmas Dinner where I was expected two days ago.  At last, the plane took off, and I got there a mere 52 hours after I had started.  I had 17 minutes to shower and make it to the dinner.  Mission accomplished.

The trip ended.  I’m back in it.  Now I am looking to early 2023 with great uncertainty.  My two beloved basset hounds are on their last legs, their bodies betraying them despite their great spirit continuing.  I remember my Aunt Rosemary towards the end of her life saying to a friend of mine, “Dammit, my body is just breaking down.”  I don’t know which is worse, having your body break down with a crisp mind or your brain gradually wasting away while your body continues on as you stare blankly ahead like a mannequin propped into a wheelchair.  It’s easy to fall into doom laden reflection on New Year’s Eve.  It’s difficult to detach from the Age of Anxiety that defines the 2020s thus far.  I need to focus on the important things, like the Tampa v Carolina game on Sunday.

When two crappy teams play late in the year, it usually doesn’t mean anything.  This time it means one of the crappy teams is likely going to host an NFC Wild Card Playoff game.  There is no doubt that Carolina has been playing better than Tampa in the last month.  Tampa can’t move the ball until Brady’s last drive in the 4th qtr, which isn’t great as they have been down by more than one score multiple times.  Meanwhile Carolina has been running the ball with success.  This makes sense when your quarterback is Sam Darnold.  The last thing anyone with any brain in their head is going to want to do is put a game in Sam Darnold’s hands.  So, I see two ways Tampa can win.  1) They take away the run and force Darnold to win the game.  That’s what Pittsburgh did to Carolina and they killed ‘em.  2)   Tampa doesn’t stop the run that well, but for some reason every time Carolina gets something going, a holding call kills their drive.  Let me ask you, who does the NFL want to see?  Dallas at Tampa with Tom Brady or Dallas at Carolina?  Which way do you think the refs call this game?  I won’t make the same mistake I made when Tampa played Seattle in Germany.  Tampa money line.

Pittsburgh is doing what Pittsburgh does.  They have quietly moved closer to .500 with good defense and short high percentage passes mixed with a lot of running.  I am not very excited about what I am seeing in Baltimore.  Lamar is out again, and if I were waiting to negotiate a $200M+ contract I wouldn’t be in any hurry to get in harm’s way when I wasn’t 100% either.  JK Dobbins is their biggest offensive weapon, and he’s clearly playing hurt.  Baltimore, like Pittsburgh, is keeping in games with defense.  These Balt v Pitt games are always close.  I will take the team that has played better this month that is trying to somehow get to a winning record AND that is also getting points.  I think the Steelers are maxed motivated and the Ravens understand they are not going anywhere without Lamar.  Pittsburgh +2.5

I am also going to tease a bunch of these teams that are playing motivated against worse teams with no motivation.  Jacksonville +3/Steelers +8, Steelers +8/Lions even, Jacksonville +3/Lions even.  Jacksonville is playing the Texans that in no way want to pull a win out and somehow lose the #1 overall pick.  I think the players are all going full out, but you’d have to think the front office is going to advise a game plan with little chance of success.  Same with Chicago.  If they keep losing, they have a shot at the #1 pick.  The only way they score is when Fields runs the ball.  Fields is so banged up, the Chicago front office must be strongly aligned with Fields not getting hurt.  Detroit just needs to win at home versus the worst team in the league.

Current Record:  26-19-1