Chicken Nugget Wars and NFL Week 11

 

I haven't spent much time with Leo in the van lately, so conversation on a three hour drive was bound to provide revelations of some kind.  We passed a bunch of billboards in the greater Erie area all advertising various chicken nugget combinations.  I'm not sure why the chicken nugget market is so contested in NW Pennsylvania, but some joint called "Mavericks" inside Trucker's World had a billboard that appeared to advertise an enormous bucket of overflowing nuggets, like a paint bucket that you would put on your dash board and just gnaw through as you knocked down the miles.  Sheetz, not to be outdone, countered with a product that seemed to combine the words "Shit" and "Nuggets" in their demand you pull over and enjoy an overflowing container of "Schnuggets".  This got the gears rolling inside the van as it jostled Leo's memory of a spontaneous dish he had created using tuna fish and Skittles.  I guess he melted down the Skittles somehow and that became a glaze or something?  I don't know.  My stomach did a flip flop even thinking about it.  He contended that "People loved it", though he did also admit being "stoned as fuck" during the creation and serving of the aforementioned dish.  

The NW Pennsylvania Chicken Nugget Wars drew us in.  Our thought was why stop at a bucket of nuggets?  Why create limits in the condiments?  This might be a great time for Mephisto's, Leo's magician themed dream restaurant concept, to strike while the market is hot.  May we present NW Pennsylvania's next "it" food... chocolate chicken nuggets.  There is a slight disagreement in how we present this next sure-fire food craze.  My vision is a paper box with 18-24 deep fried nuggets that houses a "sauce caddy" of three different chocolate dipping sauces (milk chocolate, dark chocolate and white chocolate).  A typical takeout order at Mephisto's would sound like "Gimme a 24 piece chocolate chicken nugget box with extra white chocolate dipping sauce".  

Leo's vision is the nuggets are pre-cooked and then encased in chocolate like a hard candy shell.  The downside to this is you'll have chicken at room temperature for extended periods, but we'll pump them so full of preservatives it's unlikely any bacteria could take root in the nugget.  Note, I said "unlikely", not "guaranteed".  The upside to this method is that a vast array of secondary condiments can be baked in like "Chocolate Spicy Curry Chicken Nugget" and "Jamaican Jerk White Chocolate Chicken Nugget".  Obviously, this is going to upend the chicken nugget landscape of Northwest Pennsylvania as soon as that first Mephisto's inevitably opens up off a Greater Erie PA turnpike exit.  The thought is that is going to be hugely successful, but it should also be noted that Leo was "high as fuck".  The key is to remember Mephisto's motto.  Mephisto's, it's anything you want it to be.

Buffalo is clearly embracing the Mephisto's lifestyle as everywhere in our hotel people were decked out in Bills gear.  This is a huge Sunday for Bills fans as The Witch comes to town, and the people really feel like THIS TIME they've got Mahomes number.  Look, the Bills are probably just as good as the Chiefs and they will be sky high for this game.  This is exactly the type of game Buffalo wins, a home game in season against the team that will probably knock them out of the playoffs yet again.  However, if you are going to offer me the undefeated Kansas City Chiefs with +2.5 AND give me +112 juice, I'm in.  Kansas City +2.5.

Every single talking head I have heard this week has confidently said "take the Browns".  When they zig, I zag.  Why the Browns are favored over ANYONE on the road, I have no idea.  There is an idea floating around that Jameis Winston is going to be electric in some sort of homecoming in New Orleans, which I can't imagine he has any axe to grind there.  It's hard to justify why either team will win.  The Saints really suck in all phases, but yet so do the Browns.  Winston is the great variable here.  In his two starts, he got lucky when Baltimore dropped two sure INTs.  San Diego didn't drop those and rolled easily.  I think the key is we have seen that Winston will create turnover potential, and the Browns aren't good enough to overcome that.  New Orleans +1.5    

Two things happen every single NFL season.  The Browns go in with big expectations and then fall apart.  Conversely, every single season the Steelers are finally projected to have a losing season.  Then, somehow The Steelers win 10 games with some bullshit patchwork offense and solid defense.  Check and check.  Steelers v Ravens is almost always a one score game.  What no one is talking about is Pittsburgh has beaten Baltimore in 7 of the last 8 meetings.  They know how to scheme Lamar.  Give me Pittsburgh at home with points.  I think Pittsburgh is the sleeper team in the AFC.  Pittsburgh +3.5 

There is something perversely fun in rooting against the Jets and Raiders.  They both go into the year with a bunch of insane hype despite obvious massive flaws in their team design and competence levels of their front offices.  I am going to tease both of them today and take Indianapolis +10.5 over the Jets and Miami -1.5 over the Raiders and aggressively hope for the continued failure of both franchises melted together like a chocolate chicken nugget.

Season Record:  16-18