Nurse the Hate: Hate The Handyman

I am unable to repair or install anything. The big problem is a complete lack of interest in reading directions, with my complete lack of aptitude coming in close second. As soon as I see toggle bolt A connects to upper mounting plate slot C, I'm pretty much checked out for the evening. I don't understand how anything fits together, or works mechanically. Because of this, I am usually held up to be less of a man by snide observers. Look, it's not my fault. My father knew even less about building stuff than I do. While other kids had father son wood shop, we cut the lawn and watched football. As a born and bred suburbanite, I cut a lawn like a motherfucker. If the mower breaks down? Well, better buy a goat cause that's the only way that grass is going to be cut.

I had big plans to install a under range microwave, assuming that the new GE Profile would slip snugly into the old GE Profile bracket. Of course, I didn't take into account that things never work out like you would hope they would, and I'm left with the only option available. Call my old roommate, and wait for his arrival by listening to my iPod screaming out of the stereo. The Flying Burrito Brothers live show I'm listening to? Now that's something I know about... Stick to what you do best.

While I wait, I have decided to construct a list of CDs you may have never heard of but you should go buy immediately. These are all probably sitting on those $5 shaggy dog bins at your local CD trade in shops. (Let's see that hammerhead kid at HH Gregg do that, huh?)

1) The Bottle Rockets "The Brooklyn Side": How this didn't become a major hit record in the early 90s, I'll never know. Brian Henneman's songwriting is top notch, and the playing is assured yet still sloppy enough to rock. There's five or six songs on this everyone should be able to hum in their heads with the familiarity of something like "Aqualung". A crime those guys didn't put this out in 1972. We'd be looking at ads for their boxed set in Best Buy circulars now.

2) Psyclone Rangers "Feel Nice": I may be the only person that actually bought this record, but it's badass. This band quietly put out two records, and I know almost nothing about them. It's like if you combine the good parts of the Stooges, Birthday Party and Murder City Devils. Slightly disturbing lyrics and mean guitars. What's not to like?

3) The Backsliders "Live in Raleigh": We played with these guys a few times, and always marveled at how crisp they were. The later studio records sounded like they may have been reaching for a "hit", but that first 7 song live EP really captured what I liked best about them. It's the rock country combo that all those pussy bands from California attempted and failed at in the early 70s. Great originals and inspired cover choices.

4) Johnny Hickman "The Great Decline": I think this guy is one of the best guitar players going in rock. He can wail, play quiet soulful passages, and writes great hooks. As a member of Cracker, he usually gets a song or two per album. This is a full record of stuff, and the best of which now make Cracker sets on a usual basis. The Great Decline/San Bernadino Boy/Friends make the CD a must have on their own.

5) Evan John and the H Bombs "Rolling Through the Night": This is the best modern rockabilly record of all time. It's not retro. The lyrics are fucked up, and Johns guitar playing is unhinged. I have listened to this every few months for the last 20 years. Anytime you put this on, people always ask "Who is that?". It's that good. As an aside, he never put out anything within spitting distance of being this good again.

6) Tarbox Ramblers "Tarbox Ramblers" If you eliminate all the stuff you don't like about blues bands and are left with just the core of the genre, this is it. Michael Tarbox is an awesome slide player, and the songs are choice. Definitely for fans of RL Burnside, T Model Ford, Black Keys, etc. This could have been recorded in 1955 or 2005.

7) Blue Moon Boys "Sticks and Stones" Nic Roulette and Kenny Taylor made this the best American rockabilly band of the 90s. This record captures their live energy and shows off Kenny's chops in a restrained studio setting. The arrangements are really inspired, and the band is right on. Good songs played by a band that was airtight.