Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Hate CSN

I laid sprawled out on the couch. I was in the "Sunday Fear". You know that dread that begins to seep over you when it has become apparent that no matter what you do, you'll still have to get up early and pursue gainful employment in the morning? The myth of the weekend has almost passed over completely like a puffy summer cloud tossed aside by an oncoming storm. There will be no more singing for you cowboy. There will be a nice hot steamy shit sandwich waiting for you Sir. Now, lay there and wallow in the dread...

You wouldn't think it could get worse. But it did. If I would not have changed the channel to HBO to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Concert I never would have seen it. But I did...

There on my hideously over the top high def TV was David Crosby singing "Almost Cut My Hair" with his alarming grey Bozo hair. To his immediate right Graham Nash pantomimed expressions while singing back ups and harmonies that reminded me of that creepy High School art teacher we all had. You know the one. The one that rumor had it "fondled a boy" a couple years ago. No one could remember who exactly, but Larry's older brother's cousin knew the kid's best friend personally and he had to transfer out to the Catholic School. Now you winced whenever the art teacher would touch your shoulder and comment on the shitty watercolor you were failing on. Who needs to be reminded of that during a supposed "rock show"? Not me Friend...

All the way on the end of the stage was cranky frumpy old Stephen Stills. He could still play that guitar, but what was with the hair that was dyed too brown? Maybe that ad on TV said you could just blend it in naturally and no one would notice. However, I noticed. You're 65 years old. You shouldn't have hair the color of a pony's mane sitting on that craggy pumpkin head. Christ, even though Crosby is shocking with that wispy hair, at least you know he's like AARP Captain Kangaroo on microdot. He's not trying to fool anyone.

Crosby, Stills, and Nash are perhaps the most overrated band of all time. Let's say we give them that first record. OK. It's not "rock", but it is certainly well performed music. I don't like it, but I can see how other people can. (Having your first show be Woodstock probably helped sell a few records, no?) The second record is chock full of filler, and pretty much blows. After that they would get Neil Young to come around and try to suck some inspiration out of him like hippie vampires. They haven't done ANYTHING since 1972. Yet here they were on my TV, playing song after shitty song soaking up applause from the corporate wonk sponsors and VIPs of that "event". "Woodstock"? Pretty topical guys. And didn't Joni Mitchell write that? "Almost Cut My Hair" That's about as relevant today as "If You're Going To San Francisco (Wear Flowers In Your Hair)".

The thing that really helped sink me further into depression was how they just thought they were kicking ass, and they were knocking out these timeless classics. Shit, Little Anthony and the Imperials at least realize they are an oldies act. That makes them endearing. These guys? You just know they were busting everyone's balls for the best dressing room, 3 hour sound checks, and holding court like they were still The Shit. This was not the way to end the weekend.

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did. Yes, James Taylor was brought out to sing with them.

Ye Gods.

Side note: I recently read a book about The Byrds, and David Crosby sounds like the biggest asshole ever. The Byrds old producer was asked a few years back. "Who was the most difficult person you ever worked with? The biggest pain in the ass, most impossible artist?" Without hesitation he said, "David Crosby". He then said, "You know who is second? Charles Manson.". That probably doesn't help me summon up those warm cuddly feelings about CSN.


At December 10, 2009 at 1:28:00 AM EST , Blogger Brandonio! said...

Just wait to until they announce this years R&R Hall Of Fame inductees!


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