Nurse the Hate: My Return To Campus

 

I have re-enrolled in college.  Allow me to explain.  I am still on my quest to achieve the title of MW, or Master of Wine.  Besides being almost impossible to accomplish, I like the idea of others needing to call me "master", like I am a 17th century slaver.  It would be good to employ a toadie of some kind who would always be sniveling at my side saying things like "Master... I have drawn you a bath...".  No one these days seems to have deformed small men living in their homes doing menial tasks like they did in the 1800s in Europe.  It really seems like the way to go.  I'd love to have a hunchback mow my lawn.  However, before I can make any of those dreams come true, I need to pass some impossible exams.

One of the things I have managed to conceal from the Governing Bodies of Wine rather cleverly is my almost complete lack of knowledge in how the wine making process actually works.  Sure, I can throw around some terms, but I don't know what they really mean.  I'm like a second rate sports talk host in that respect.  The radio host on 99.5FM The Fan or 101 The Blitz or whatever cliche bullshit moniker that station uses saying "The defense spends too much time in Cover 2 when they need to shore up inside pressure with The Mike" is not that different from me saying "you can tell they used a cool ferment temperature in stainless steel, probably with native yeasts".  I don't really know what the fuck I'm talking about, just like Bruno or The Mad Dog on Bleacher 102 doesn't either.  It is only a matter of time before I am exposed as a fraud.  This is why I have enrolled in the Enology program at Kent State Ashtabula.

My plan is to do a deep dive on wine making and fermentation chemistry.  This should be fairly challenging as the only reason I passed chemistry in high school was by blatantly cheating.  I never thought I would live to regret zoning out in chemistry as a 15 year old, but goddammit those chickens have come home to roost.  I don't know anything about chemistry.  So now this Winter/Spring I am all in on getting a grasp on fermentation, chemical faults, oxygenation influence, etc.  The fact that I can do so by going back to college is the icing on the cake.  This is where I need to make some hard decisions.

I really feel like I need to surrender myself to have "the true college experience".  I think I should live in on campus housing, get a roommate, and really get active in campus life.  I think we can all agree that any 18 year old freshman would be VERY excited to get paired up with a middle aged man like me as a roommate.  There might be some friction when I demand the lower bunk of our bunk bed as my frequent trips to the toilet in the middle of the night would increase my chance of breaking a hip when leaving the top bunk.  However, I am confident that the relative economic might that comes from a white collar full time job will help offset the sting of the bunk assignments.  Let's look at this thing logically.  Do you think my new roommate Malcom will be pissed about the top bunk when that is held up against a 75 inch TV, new leather couches, and the small touches made by our interior decorator?  As Malcom will surely agree, the accessories are the key to the room.  It's all about a point of comparison.  The guys across the hall will be trudging off to the cafeteria while Malcom and I will be waiting for our meals from Giovanni's via Uber Eats.  I think Malcom will get used to knocking back a few of my aged Bordeaux from the 90s while those stiffs across the hall are drinking Natty Light and playing video games.  I suspect Malcom and I will grow quite close.  With any luck, I will be able to make him my toadie.

I wonder if I should call Malcom's parents "Mr and Mrs Malcom" when I meet them or do I just announce myself with authority and offer a firm handshake to "Ted and Judy"?  "Hello Ted.  Nice to meet you.  Judy, you're even more lovely than your photo.  Ted, Malcom tells me you're in the Teeth Game.  You ever think of expanding your dental practice?  I'd love to sit down with you and talk to you about some geofencing options and targeted OTT video marketing techniques.  Malcom?  Why don't you pop over to the cellar and get us a nice Chablis while I bring Ted up to speed with this power point?  Ted, let's talk turkey.".  

Obviously I will get involved in student government.  My thought is to take the blueprint that was used at Kent State in the late 60s and immediately try to organize a student strike due to our incursion into Cambodia.  True, this "incursion" happened about 50 years ago, but is there really a time limit on student outrage from The Man?  I think for me to affect true change, I need to do so from the inside, so right after I'm done typing this I will "throw my hat in the ring" as student body president.  I feel like my fellow students will rally around me.  The key will be to blend in.

I need to head over to Hot Topic or The Mall or wherever it is "the kids" get their gear.  Do they still have The Gap?  Obviously, I look very youthful already.  All I need now is to dress a little more age appropriate for my new stage in life, that of a 19 year old college student.  Yes, this might be a bit of a culture shock at work when they see me in my "cool clothes", but I am only doing Zoom meetings, and rarely even wear pants at this point anyway.  Surely a backwards baseball cap and cool band t-shirt won't be that much of a stretch.  My workplace will adjust, especially after I sell Ted an advertising contract for his dental practice.  Another quick thought... This certainly makes me eligible as a walk on for the Kent football team.  I better get in touch with the Coach.  

It's an exciting time.

Nurse the Hate: Of Jefferson Airplane and the Championship Games

 

As I often do now in these "unprecedented times", I have taken a listening detour and become consumed with a particular band.  Now if you had swung by my minimum security prison a couple weeks ago, you would have discovered I had fully embraced Australian garage rock from the 80s.  Back in the good old days of January 6th, it was all about Radio Birdman, Beasts of Bourbon, and the Lime Spiders.  I started listening to Celibate Rifles "Roman Beach Party" LP and realized things had gone too far.  Once I saw myself clicking through Discogs trying to mentally justify the cost of a New Christs LP, I had to stop and give myself a long hard look in the mirror.  I retreated.

Last week, before I even knew what was happening, I started deep diving on the Jefferson Airplane.  When the pandemic first started, I found myself listening to a lot of old psychadelic rock music.  I was in deep.  I'm not talking about the entry points like old Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead's "Aoxomoxoa" or even the Thirteenth Floor Elevators.  I am talking about old Quicksilver Messenger Service concerts, Fifty Foot Hose, Moby Grape outtakes, Ultimate Spinach, and Bubble Puppy.  I was peering out my window looking for spores listening to "Maggot Brain" and West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band.  When things are getting weird outside, I found some sort of solace with freaky late 60s bands.  This led to me re-listen to Jefferson Airplane's "Surrealistic Pillow", by any standard a great record.  

I have had my brushes with Jefferson Airplane in the past.  One of the very first records I ever owned was Jefferson Airplane "Flight Log", an odd Greatest Hits comp that cobbled together some of the Airplane hits with the groups that splintered out of them like Hot Tuna, Jefferson Starship, Slick-Kantner, etc.   Now you might be asking yourself, what eleven year old goes out and buys a Jefferson Airplane retrospective to add to his already impressive record collection of The Jackson 5's Greatest Hits, The Osmonds "Crazy Horses", and Partridge Family "Up To Date"?  I can understand why you might think that the Osmonds "Crazy Horses" record is a logical stepping point to a live "Somebody To Love" from "Bless Its Pointed Little Head".  However, I did not buy that LP on my own.  No, my super square parents bought it for me for my birthday, which leads me to speculate that one of them went walking into a record shop and asked the dope smoking teenage clerk what "the kids" were listening to nowadays.  They had no interest or understanding of rock music whatsoever despite being in their early 20s during one of the most fertile periods in rock history.  They just didn't understand rock music at all.  I see old footage of The Summer of Love and know for a fact my parents were digging the soundtrack to "Bye Bye Birdie".  That makes that Jefferson Airplane LP purchase for me even weirder.  Seriously, what fucking parent buys an eleven year old a Jefferson Airplane double LP retrospective for their 11th birthday?  Were they sold out of John Coltrane "Ascension"?  No Captain Beefheart records?

I tried a number of times to get into that record over the years, putting it on every few months.  For the next few years, it was one of my only records, so I was bound to at least try to get into it.  You can only listen to Led Zeppelin IV so many times before you need something to break the cycle.  In time, I developed an appreciation for Side 1, though then, as now, I have steered clear of the Jefferson Starship tracks on Side 4.  I would try to give it a spin every now and again though.  It's odd.  That band has always just been lurking around me.  I have just always seemed to have a Jefferson Airplane record in my orbit, despite feeling largely ambivalent about the band for most of my adult life.  

Last week I got really crazy and went to a used book store.  What a big treat!  This is considered a big trip out in my hermit-like existence.  For $7, I bought a used copy of "Got A Revolution:  The Turbulent Flight of Jefferson Airplane".  I read it in three days.  That did it.  Suddenly I had a rekindled interest in the band, and started listening to the discography in order until having to jump off the train at "Long John Silver", a record even the band didn't seem interested in.  A few quick points about the band...  They all seem like complete assholes, with maybe Jack Casady or possibly Jorma having been OK people.  Paul Kantner was some sort of drug fueled anarchist with delusions of grandeur.  Grace Slick was a total poison spitting train wreck.  Marty Balin was a Vegas singer trapped in a flower power package.  They all had egos so far beyond their actual impact it's off-putting, and this comes from a book where the author was an unabashed fan and friend of the band!  They admittedly also made some really great music.  The first four records are all interesting.  However, they also made some absolutely cringe worthy stuff that might have made sense in the late 60s/early 70s, but not so much now.  "The toad's name is Lightning/He's 10 hands at the shoulder/And if you give him sugar/You know he'll whinny like a boulder."  

How's your mind, man?  Blown?

While I should have been paying attention to Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs ignoring the concussion protocols to get him on the field, instead I have been listening to "Jefferson Airplane Takes Off" and the extended version of "Bless His Pointed Little Head".  How am I going to get an edge on betting these Championship games this Sunday when my head is getting filled with lyrics like "the electrical dust is starting to rust/her trapezoid thermometer taste/all the red tape is mechanical rape/of the TV program waste"?   I mean, my mind is totally blown over here man!  I am definitely going to bust out that copy of Flight Log.

So, I am betting on the Packers.  It's still winter, it's still Lambeau, and it's going to be cold.  Aaron Rodgers is playing like a man on a mission, at the top of his game.  I don't see how the Bucs can go up to Wisconsin and win that game.  The victory over the Saints was a bit of an illusion.  All of the Bucs points came courtesy of New Orleans turnovers.  The Bucs could not move the ball from their end of the field and score.  Tampa realized that the New Orleans offense existed only in a twenty yard box indented in from the sidelines and shut down the Saints.  The Pack isn't New Orleans.  Rodgers uses the entire field.  The Packers are going to score points.  Let's be fair.  Brady and the Bucs will keep firing the ball around, which will lead to points or points for Green Bay on turnovers.  The Bucs should score, they just won't score enough to win.  I love Green Bay and I love the over.  Green Bay -3 and Green Bay/Tampa OVER 51.5.  

I believe that The Public is overrating the Kansas City Chiefs.  They are 0-8-1 against the spread in their last nine games, but STILL The Public throws money at the side.  Patrick Mahomes is a great player.  He is also a great player with an injured toe and a concussion.  The Browns should have beaten the Chiefs last week, but bungled it on that scramble from Chad Fucking Henne.  Yes, Chad Henne's middle name will always be "Fucking" to me and everyone in NE Ohio from last Sunday on.  However, the Bills are much, much better than the Browns.  The Bills have the defensive backfield that can slow down Kansas City.  Hell, the Browns held KC to 22 points, so why not the Bills?  I think the argument can be made that Buffalo has been the best team in the NFL all season with the exception of that two game blip where the league screwed them on covid re-schedules.  I like the Bills straight up, but am taking the points to hopefully help mitigate whatever great shit groggy Mahomes pulls out of his ass.  Buffalo +3.     

Season Record: 27-23-1

Nurse the Hate: This Isn't What It Looks Like!

 

A quick true story...  I had to change a few details, but the basic story is all fact.  At a wedding reception a couple years ago, the best man gave his speech toasting the bride and groom.  It was a cut n' paste job, a variation of the "when Bob met Wendy I just knew they would always be together" with a couple of little jokes that received polite laughs.  At the very end, a slight smile crossed his face.  "Now I know you think I'm making fun of my best friend Bob a bit, but it's NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!'.  A genuine laugh erupted from part of the crowd, the close friends of the couple.

Now on the surface, this isn't a great joke.  However, if you were privy to the inside information, it was VERY funny.  It seems that earlier that year Bob had moved into Wendy's apartment.  Wendy was a bit of a free spirit, something that always attracted the more reserved Bob.  Earlier in the week, Wendy had received a new vibrator in the mail, something she and Bob had wanted to incorporate into their sex life.  This was quite adventurous for the conservative Bob, but he promised Wendy he would loosen up.  Bob loved Wendy and he liked to please her.  This was part of what Wendy found so adorable about Bob, his willingness to move out of his comfort zone to try and please her.  It made her feel special.  They agreed to play with their new toy that weekend.

That Saturday afternoon, Wendy had a haircut scheduled.  She left the apartment and walked to the subway stop, but about halfway there realized she had forgotten her phone.  Anyone that spent time with Wendy would not be surprised by this.  She routinely forgot things, lost items in public places, and had never owned a pair of sunglasses for longer than 10 days.  She was in a hurry, knowing she would be late if she missed her train.  She popped into the apartment and zipped into the bedroom to get her phone.

On top of the bed was Bob.  Bob was nude, his legs spread apart, and he was furiously masturbating.  The new vibrator, a thin hard plastic model, was inserted well inside his ass, growling with an authoritative urgency.  Wendy stopped as she entered the room, that moment of shock when the mind is trying to wrap itself around the information being presented by the eyes but it not quite clicking.  It was Bob that spoke first.  "This isn't what it looks like!"

In retrospect, Wendy should not have told her best friend Kathy this story.  Maybe if she had let more time pass before making the call to Kathy things would have gone differently.  Certainly, this was an event too explosive not to share, but her choice of Kathy as a confidant was ill-advised.  Kathy, although by most accounts a lovely girl, could not and did not keep this secret despite her solemn vow to do so.  The story, as expected, spread like wildfire amongst their peer group in the two weeks prior to the wedding.  The phrase "this is not what it looks like" was quite popular during the entirety of the wedding celebration, much to the obvious painful discomfort of Bob.  I think now even Bob will agree that sometimes things are EXACTLY what they look like.

I bring this up because I think the Chiefs giving the Browns 10 points this Sunday looks like too many points.  The Chiefs are 0-7-1 against the spread in their last eight games.  They have not beaten anyone by more than 8 points since November 1st.  Patrick Mahomes has not played a game in 20 days.  It looks like too many points to me.  But here's the question...  Did the Browns slay their dragon last week in beating the Steelers in the Playoffs and exhale loudly.  Whew!  Done!  Or did they only build confidence and now believe they can beat anyone?  Playoff teams that are on a roll are dangerous, and the Browns are on a roll right now.    

I think Kansas City will win this game, but for them to win by double digits the Browns will need to turn the ball over two+ times.  Mayfield has only thrown one interception in the last 7 games, so if he can keep it together, and they don't fall behind by two scores early, I like their chances at the cover.  Washington only lost by one score to Tampa last week with a guy making his first NFL start at QB.  We aren't asking for the moon here.  Cleveland +10.

I have lost money betting against the Packers in January at home.  I am not going to do that again.  When faced with the choice of Aaron Rodgers or Jared Goff in 20 something degree Lambeau Field in the Playoffs, it's an easy choice.  Yes, I know the Rams defense looked incredible last week, but Seattle was down two offensive linemen on a line that wasn't that great to start with anyway.  I also think there was an edge in Goff not thinking he had to play and then being tossed out there due to injury.  Don't think, just play helps Goff.  This week he's had plenty of time to stew about this game.  

I see the Packers checking down on quick release passes and playing Adams in the slot to try and minimize Ramsey's influence in the backfield.  There will be plenty of dump passes, quick slants and tight end crossing routes.  This is another game where if the Rams fall behind early, they're dead.  They want to run Cam Akers and grind.  I don't think it will be easy to turn this into a 17-13 game.  Green Bay has been the class of the NFC all season.  I am going to tease Green Bay with the Browns, Green Bay -1/Cleveland +16 and take the Packers straight up.

Season record:  24-23-1

   

Nurse the Hate: The Finest Sunday of All, Wild Card Sunday

 

Yesterday was a bit of a disaster.  The only thing I got right was the over in that Buffalo game, but didn't get any action down.  The later games failed to come together as I had hoped and I lost my ass.  Jared Goff looked terrible, which I expected, especially after Seahawk safety Adams almost killed Wolford.  I didn't see Wilson being made to look as bad as the Rams made him though.  The Ram defense looked like the 85 Bears, something I don't recall as they limped through the last month.  All the Road Teams won yesterday ATS, which now gives the dogs an incredible 11-0 run in the Wild Card round in the last three years.  As I have always said, bet with a trend and not against one.  So, let's take a look at the road teams today...

My strongest road team lean is Titans +3.5 over the Ravens.  The Ravens kick the crap out of weak teams, and made a strong run down the stretch doing just that.  The Titans, made to look like the second tier team they are by the Packers, are in that odd group of teams that I think might be good, but I don't trust, like the Colts, Bears, Cardinals, and Browns.  The Titans are like the LP you buy because you love the one song, and then it turns out the rest is shit.  To all of you that have relegated the first Jet LP into the used bins of the world, you know what I'm talking about.  

I am 100% positive about one thing about the Ravens.  They are either going to be exposed as another version of the Cardinals OR are going to go on a run to the AFC Championship Game.  Obviously, it feels spectacular to be as certain as I am.  I do not trust the Titans defense, which the Browns dropped a thousand points on in the first half of their game, and the Texans effortlessly moved up and down the field on last week.  However, the Titans greatest weakness is against drop back passing, something that Lamar does not do particularly well.  Lamar is going to go on a few long runs because he is as athletic as a Greek God, which poses a problem for the Titan defense.  He is also as accurate with the ball as late career Rick Ankiel or Chuck Knoblach.  I am not suggesting Lamar has the dreaded "yips", but I am saying he throws easy passes into the turf.  These teams on paper are evenly matched.  I'll take the points and hope to white knuckle it out.  Tennessee +3.5

I have no trust in the Bears.  I know that I should put my fears aside, and take Chicago +8 against the ultimate public team of New Orleans at home, but I can't.  Any team with Mitch Trubisky cannot be trusted.  His recent success against the league's worst defenses is a siren song calling the unwary to crash on the rocks.  Trusting in Mitch today is like trusting the high school boy at prom that promises to just "put in the tip".  If you trust in Mitch, you could very well get the entire rod shoved in a place you are not interested in.  Pass.

The Browns slipped by a backup heavy Steeler team last week by the skin of their teeth.  Now they have to A) go to Pittsburgh B) without their Pro Bowl guard C) so they are putting in a guy for his first NFL start.  D) This is in addition to both cornerbacks being out with covid/injury, so E) Jackson is starting again and he just got lit up by Mason Rudolph instead of facing F) Ben Roethlesberger.  Making matters worse G) head coach and play caller Stefanski is out with covid so the special teams coordinator is the head coach and Alex Van Pelt will try in game play calling.  The covid outbreak was so bad that H) the facility was shut down most of the week and the team couldn't practice.  This is going to be an issue as I) the Steelers bring a ton of pressure on the QB, and Mayfield sucks under that pressure.  The line opened at Pittsburgh -3.5 and moved past the relatively unimportant spread numbers to rest at -6 after the waterfall of bad breaks for the Browns.  The dream ends today.  It's too much for them to overcome.  A home team is going to cover eventually.  Pittsburgh -6

Season Record:  24-21-1

  

 

Nurse the Hate: A Nice Dog Walk at The End Times and Wild Card Weekend Saturday

 

I was walking the bassets in the park this morning.  I have little to no choice on doing this each morning as Montgomery, the big man, becomes quite insistent on not only the walk generally but the time specifically. When I start to lag behind our normal routine, he will first begin little moans of protest before eventually reaching full braying howls of anguish.  You might not be surprised to learn this is a very effective motivator to get him out of the house.  When he gets worked up, it borders on the spectacular.  

This morning I was on the walking path when they both decided to sit down.  They are short dogs, but they are big dogs weighing in at about 65-70 pounds each.  If they both decide they aren't moving, there isn't much you can do about it.  As I stood there hoping to coax them back into motion, a pair of women walked past me listening to something on the speaker of one of their phones.  It was a woman's voice, twangy from Missouri/Kansas.  "...and this was only the first battle in our war against George Soros..."  The women smiled at me as they passed, a couple of homeroom mothers that appearance wouldn't suggest are fully radicalized in some QAnon fantasy world.  They could make you a terrific brownie before shooting you in a ditch I'll bet.  The women power walked on.

The bassets decided to finally move when I hinted about a cookie back at the car.  They seemed doubtful, but decided that only a fool would ignore only even the possibility of a bonus treat in midmorning.  The Big Dog looked at me with an expression that suggested "I know you are bullshitting, but dammit, I just can't take that chance".   We moved ahead at a pace similar to that of a Galapagos Tortoise.  I saw the two women stopped ahead, one showing her phone to a couple they were conversing with at the head of the path.  "This is someone very close to the President.  It is VERY interesting."  I slowly walked past with my turtles as the man spoke to the woman with the phone.  "I tuned on ESPN after it happened and I saw Doc Rivers, he's an NBA Coach with Sacramento or something, say that this was an example of white privilege.  That made me sick.  I called up my golf buddies, and we all had these Blue Lives Matters shirts printed up, and we went up to the club.  It makes me so mad.  We were all sitting in the club with our shirts on!"  The woman with the phone leaned in and spoke in a dramatic whisper.  "My cousin knows someone that works in Washington, and he says, you know that TV show House of Cards?  It's even worse than that!"  They all then excitedly nodded their heads.

I thought about joining in the conversation and asking "Are you people fucking brain damaged?" but thought that might set an immediate negative tone.  My gut told me that a man that couldn't entertain the possibility that the people sacking the capital may have been treated more leniently than the tear gassed crowd that assembled this summer might not be interested in some passerby questioning his intellectual background.  We were standing near the Fire Dept garage.  Over the loudspeaker the dispatchers voice crackled out.  "Woman dehydrated on Lake Road.  All residents are positive with Covid."  The foursome in the conversation ignored the noise.  "It's a shame to see those Patriots being targeted by the Fake News."  Holy shit.  I kept walking back to the car, herded the dogs inside and drove away.  

Things aren't great right now.  I have no idea how the genie gets put back into the bottle.  A good portion of the country exists in a simulation where they have been cast as potential heroes fighting evil, in this case "evil" being majority elected civil servants that they are convinced are pedophiles and devil worshippers.  There is another huge chunk that will make their brain do whatever mental gymnastics are necessary to absolve the coup attempt they just saw play out on live TV.  "Well, Trump didn't say to do THAT exactly.  Plus, most of those people were Antifa and crisis actors!"  Meanwhile, the next administration will likely pull a Neville Chamberlain and wave a sheet of paper to say "At last, THIS TIME he has learned his lesson.".  You are on Double Secret Probation.  That will fix you!  That is just pushing the problem down the road and letting it percolate, but it's the easiest path now.  Set your watch for the downfall of the Republic, and save big at Best Buy!  The revolution will be televised! 

The biggest issue in the country seems to be the unwillingness to admit most Americans are total fucking morons.  While this is going to destroy the nation, it does present advantages.  For example, the public has been very busy this week betting down the Seattle Seahawks against the Rams.  Rams coach Sean McVeigh has been cagey all week if they are going to start Jared Goff or backup John Wolford.  If it's Goff, I expect him to play terribly, as his history shows poor play in December games/bad weather/adversity.  If it's Wolford, I expect him to throw a million check downs and dink/dunk.  Neither scenario suggests optimism beating Russell Wilson and a much improved Seahawk defense.  With the line moving down to -3, I like Seattle -3. 

I don't see much line value with the Bills, though I expect them to win.  The over seems the move in that game if you are so inclined.  If I have to chase late, I like the under in the Washington/Tampa game.  I would think Tampa hopes to get a first half lead and then not risk exposing Brady to contact from the Washington defensive line.  It could be a slow plodding second half.  It's hard to imagine Washington having much success on offense with a gimpy Alex Smith or whoever the hell they throw out there instead.  This should be a low scoring game, especially if Smith plays.  Smith doesn't turn the ball over which will help head off a blowout, but if he gets replaced due to ineffectiveness, all bets are off.  Gun to head, I like the under.

Season Record:  24-20-1  
  

Nurse the Hate: New Year's Resolutions and NFL Week 17

 

As we head into the new year, it seems to be pretty much what last year was but with less to look forward to beyond getting an inoculation.  Still, the sun rises each morning and one must carry on.  The calendar tells us it is time to make resolutions.  My phone rang the other evening with an unexpected call from Leo.  Leo isn't much for talking on the phone, so I assumed he either was in some sort of jam or wanted to pitch me on a crazy business idea like an alpaca farm or a new Mephisto's location.  "Hello Greg!  It's your old buddy Leo!"  (Leo might not know that I, like everyone, has caller ID for their contacts.). "Hey man... I'm right now in that 15 minutes of shit talk after getting stoned, so I thought I'd give you a call to let you know what is up with me."

Over the years, it has become evident in the van that a certain pattern existed for Leo.  He would smoke weed, get really high, and then engage in a stream of consciousness monologue for about 15 minutes prior to falling asleep for a nap.  Once we identified the pattern, we dubbed this his "15 Minutes of Shit Talk".  The subject matter could literally be about anything, and exists mainly as an avenue for Leo to verbalize some of the ideas floating around in his head.  Often these are "ideas", like his Carnival Food Drive-Thru Restaurant, Magician Waiter Restaurant/All Things To All People Destination Point "Mephisto's", or Self-Serve Waterslides off the Interstate.  That last one might have legs if we could figure out how to get insurance for a waterslide surrounded by a razor wire topped chain link fence pool operated like a self-serve car wash.  We all have dreams.

This particular 15 Minutes of Shit Talk was focused on Leo's New Year's Resolutions.  He and his wife Anne decided to stop smoking (again) and he also has to lower his cholesterol.  These are reasonable and attainable resolutions, and I support them wholeheartedly.  They are certainly more achievable than his plan about ten years ago to build a time machine out of construction scraps and have a romantic relationship with Heather Locklear in the late 1980s.  The point of interest in his resolutions this year though was that he was going to send out 2020 with a bang.  Leo deemed the week between Xmas and New Year's Eve as "Cigarette and Bacon Week".  His focus was to consistently consume bacon while smoking cigarettes all week as a bittersweet goodbye to the two things he loved.  I have no idea at this writing if he survived cigarette and bacon week, as he did not respond to a group text I sent out celebrating starting up The Whiskey Wagon.  I hope Leo isn't dead.  

The good news is that something that I know for a fact that isn't dead is my season long Under Six Wins Total bet against the New York Giants.  I put down a chunk on the Giants UNDER 6 wins, and then when Vegas moved the line to UNDER 6.5 wins, I put down another chunk of cash.  This Sunday, the 5-10 Giants take on the equally crappy Dallas Cowboys in an "important only to me" matchup.  It's never good when you need Andy Dalton to come through in a "must win" game, but the good news is that Dalton doesn't know the gravity of this "must win" game.  He only thinks he has to win to get destroyed next week in the first round of the NFC Playoffs.  The other obvious thing is that I am playing with house money as my Under 6.5 wins already came in.  I might spend most of Sunday talking about my "free roll" I have going on the Giants.  I am expecting to see plenty of money roll in on Dallas, as The Public loves betting on teams that "need to win".  That means I will get to say "Yeah, there's a lot of steam on that Cowboy number, but I'm free rolling on that game at no juice money line.".  That is something to look forward to...

The only other games that catch my eye are Green Bay over Chicago and Buffalo over Miami.  Chicago is a bit of an illusion as Mitch Trubisky has looked good against the worst defenses in the league AND the Bears have won the turnover battles in all of those games.  It all depends on who Green Bay puts out on the field.  I am going to wait until the last possible second before I commit on this game.  Meanwhile, even if Buffalo decides to sit Josh Allen, Stefon Diggs, etc, this is a great chance to bet against Tua and the Dolphins.  It's mystifying why Miami keeps rolling that guy out when they are clearly better with Fitzpatrick.  Not an issue this week as hard luck Fitzmagic has covid.  Sorry bro.  Looks like Tua is starting.  Tua has played 9 games.  In those nine games he has made two (2) plays of 25 yards+.  Two.  You can't win in the NFL like that.  The Dolphins needed a miracle to get past a Raider team that is dead in the water last week.  I don't think you can beat a good team with Tua unless you win the turnover battle by 3.  It also seems unlikely that Buffalo will roll over and miss the chance to go 13-3.  The Bills are for real, and I'll take whoever they throw out there -2.5 instead of the Hawaiian guy that can't throw downfield that is playing one the the 3 best teams in the league in the cold wind of Buffalo.  Buffalo -2.5       

Season Record:  23-20-1