Nurse the Hate: Fun Town and NFL Gambling

 

I would highly suggest watching the documentary "Class Action Park" which is ostensibly about a water fun park outside of NYC in the late 1970s-early 80s, but is really about the changes in American life.  The "fun park" is a bunch of dangerous as shit water slides which were built by people with no engineering experience and little regard for safety.  One of them seemed like something Leo might have made.  It was a water slide at an impossible angle down a mountainside which threw kids into a loop before spitting them out into a laughably short catch pool.  The early test riders got knocked unconscious and lost teeth. As a former employee remembered "A human being can experience 7Gs two ways.  One is to pilot an F-15 fighter plane.  The other was to ride the cannonball loop at Action Park."

What the documentary is really about is how much has changed being a kid in 1980 and a kid in 2022.  There are a lot of kids that live in my neighborhood.  I almost never see any of them playing outside, riding bikes more than 500 feet away from their houses or creating any of their own fun.  Kids today go from sanctioned parental supervised activity to the safety bubble of home.  I have no idea if any of these kids ever experience any forms of risk before being led out of their cocoons.  Meanwhile a 1980s kid would leave the house in the morning, hop on a bike and be gone until dinner.  No one ever even asked what we were doing in any great detail.  We built "forts", jumped off railroad trestles, got in rock fights with strange kids from other neighborhoods, and took trips to places like "Airport Go-Karts" and "Fun Town".  

Anyone that is over the age of 45 can attest that no one cared about safety for kids when they grew up.  I remember a huge domed Jungle Gym that got erected at our elementary school on top of concrete.  Kids would hang off the top of it by their legs, and fall off onto their heads on the concrete all the time.  I saw more head wounds by the time I was 10 than guys that landed at Normandy on D-Day.  

"Fun Town", which wasn't particularly "fun", had a fiberglass slide that baked in the sun all day.  You would be given a foul smelling burlap sack, climb up the stairs, and then be told by a 15 year old kid working there that was in charge of safety to "go... go...go".  If any part of your body touched the surface of the slide, it immediately was scalded like you had sat on a waffle iron.  The burlap sack would juuuust fit your body on it, so you had to be ready when your split second window came when you were commanded to "go" by the Fun Town Slide Patrol Kid.  The first hill made it seem like it was going to be fun as you whooshed down.  The real action came right after that first straightaway when you dropped down to hill #2.  You usually had so much speed that you flew off the little track that was supposed to contain you.  If you were unlucky, you landed on the rail that separated the lanes, instantly giving you a bruised taint.  What was more likely was flying off the burlap slightly, and then landing with your exposed skin on the red hot fiberglass to make a "skreeeeeeee!!!!" sound as you slid down what was effectively a scalding hot cheese grater.  You'd see kids on the filthy carpet at the bottom looking at horror at their mangled legs and arms.  Ah yes, Fun Town...

What struck me about the "Class Action Park" documentary was an America and time that is gone.  Looking back at all the rides and alleged "safe" playground equipment we were provided, it probably borders on negligence.  I remember this swinging metal bar that was attached by chains to a metal pole.  You would swing back and forth when another kid that was your basic size got balanced on the other side.  Of course, if they jumped off, you'd fly into the metal pole and smash your fingers onto the center pole.  That wasn't a piece of playground equipment so much as a lesson in negotiated trust.  "Look Kevin, I'll swing on that with you, but don't fucking jump off and bust my fingers.  Promise?  Say it!  Say "I promise"!"

There is something useful about learning about trust, limits, centrifugal force, the limits of 12 year old boy bike repair, and exploring.  The world is a dangerous place, but not enough to be terrified of 24/7.  Once you get knocked off a metal bridge with a freezing water cannon at a Toronto Water Park, you keep your head on a swivel.  Seeing Joey Kemet in a cast all summer from jumping off the Walnut Creek trestle is a valuable learning lesson.  Some dirtbombs have rocks inside.  Other ones burst apart in Richard Cameron's face.  Just saying.  That world is gone, litigated out of existence by Travel Soccer Moms and hysterical heavy handed parents.  It might be a safer world for kids, but is it better?  I don't know.

Here's what I do know.  The Raiders stink.  Yes, they are on the cusp of a Playoff berth, but that's a joke.  This game was looking like the Raiders caught yet another monster break when Carson Wentz tested positive for covid.  Wentz is unvaccinated, and maintained it was a "private decision, made with his family".  I have no idea why these franchises pay these key players unlimited fortunes when at any given time they can be taken off the field for covid protocols.  And save me the "the vaccine doesn't stop you from getting covid" shit.  If you are vaccinated, you'll have an annoying cold.  If you are unvaccinated, you could be out two weeks as per NFL Player Union agreed terms.  I think Wentz was one of those idiots that "did his own research".  He probably had a lab set up in Indianapolis and got up to speed on all relevant science in between practices.  Why do these guys think they are smart?  Is it all the interviews they do?  That must be it.  Regardless, I waited to see if he was going to clear for the game, and thankfully he did.  The Colts need a win, are better than the Raiders, and Vegas is banged up.  Colts money line.

Miami has seven wins in a row.  That sounds like an oncoming juggernaut.  Of course, when you look closer, it's not so impressive.  They beat Houston, Lamar injured Ravens, Jets, Panthers, Giants, Saints with a 4th string QB.  Tennessee, certainly not a great team at present, is still a big step up to what the Dolphins have been seeing.  I am going to combine Tennessee and the Saints, a lousy team that is still able to beat a Carolina team that seems to have folded up the tents.  I mean, when you go back to Sam Darnold, that's not a good sign.  Tennessee +3/Saints -.5 and Saints money line.

I don't see how the Browns can win.  I am going to wait and see what Cincinnati does on Sunday.  If the Bengals beat KC, the Browns are officially out of the playoffs.  This would be good for the team as the last thing they need to do is go into week 17 and play Cincinnati for a winner-take-all divisional title game.  The Browns dreams were crushed twice in five days with a shorthanded loss to the Raiders followed by a disastrous loss to Green Bay on Xmas Day.  If they are in a position to play Pittsburgh with something on the line, they'll fold.  I don't see how it's possible to win with Baker Mayfield and an unmotivated team against a Steeler team giving Roethlesberger a career victory lap.  Depending on circumstance and covid, I'm taking Pittsburgh as a money line underdog.  

Season record 26-30