Nurse The Hate: The Difficulties Of Language, Social Media and NFL Week 17

One of my resolutions this year is to spend less time looking at social media.  I have two basic accounts, a Facebook and Instagram page.  When I started the Instagram one I decided that would be more wine centric with some of my more travel focused friends that photograph new and interesting places.  I spend too much time scrolling through reels on Instagram which the algorithm has decided I am only interested in Fireworks disasters, construction mishaps, basset hounds, big wave surfing and midgets.  (I knew I shouldn't have lingered on that Mini Kiss post I saw, but dammit, I couldn't help it.  It was good.). Also, I don't think I am allowed to use the word "midget" at this point in society, so I am going to click open a new window to check.  Give me a second...

OK.  I looked it up...  According to health.com, which may or may not be an authority on this subject, the word "midget" is indeed offensive.  I can use "little people" and "dwarf" as descriptors but not "midget" as that was a term used in 19th Century Freak Shows and is considered derogatory.  I would like to apologize now to any person of short stature whom I may have inadvertently offended by my ignorant word usage earlier.  Frankly, I would have guessed "dwarf" was a no-go too, but it's hard to know what is on the hit list at any current point.  Language is always evolving, so you need to stay up with the times.  I just became my grandfather calling someone "Oriental" not knowing he was fucking up, but in my defense I did just see an ad for "midget wrestling" at a local microbrewery so the transition on little person lingo is apparently still evolving.  I'm not interested in that wrestling event either either, but I would like to confirm I do have a curiosity in Mini Kiss.  I don't know how I can make the Lil Jacob Walker videos stop coming my way, so I just need to limit my time on that platform.

The Facebook (as I like to call it) is almost all friends of mine with some musicians tossed in.  Something I discovered in the harsh dividing line of time that was the Covid epidemic was that almost all of my same age friends totally retreated into late middle age lifestyle.  People that used to post pictures of late nights at concert venues, wild travel adventures, and group fun now make posts along the lines of "We made jam" or "Janet brought the baby".  As Facebook would say, "I am regressing in engagement".  I'm sure the jam came out great, but I need better content from you Meagan.  Brad, I don't give a shit about Janet or her fucked up looking kid.  Pick it up.  Give me something more.  Don't make me look at little person videos.

This is, of course, the weakness of The Facebook.  Almost everyone you know is boring.  The only thing worse are "influencers".  These are still life versions of reality TV that only exists to move product.  No matter how you cut it, there's not a great deal of real communication there.  It's only going to get worse on an election year where The Facebook will undoubtedly confirm some of your secret fears that many of your friend circle are NeoFacist Christian Right Kooks.  It will be an exciting year of disinformation and fear.  Buckle up.  I am going to read more books.  I used to read more than I do now, and I am getting back to it.  I've already finished one book this week and plan to get another one done today.  I am going to read as much as possible this year before the Suede Denim Secret Police start the community book burnings in 2025.

The other thing I am going to do is ratchet up the sports betting.  It's one of the few things that bring me joy.  I can't tell you how happy I was when David Njoku went over 55.5 yards to bring in my three part parlay on Thursday night with the Browns/over.  What a time to be alive!  I might go out and buy mink shoes later today.  Having all this free time this week has allowed me to concentrate on this week's NFL slate.  I'm planning on a frenzy of New Year's Eve betting, so let's get started...

I like Denver this week.  Look, the Broncos benched Russell Wilson because Wilson has become a middle of the road player but he's being paid like a Top 5 NFL QB.  That would be one thing, but he also seems like he's a pain in the ass.  Denver is going to make sure he doesn't get hurt to save a potential $35M+ payment this Spring and take the hit allowing them to move on from the guy.  Will it be financially painful?  Yes.  That tells you how much they believe the move to starting Jarrett Stidham will be a lateral.  The Broncos liked Stidham so much that they outbid the Raiders for him last offseason.  Denver was at home giving the sack of shit Chargers 5.5, and now the line is 3.5?  I don't believe Wilson is worth two points.  In 2015 he was, but not in 2023.  I took an alternate line of Denver -3 at -130 and look forward to watching the Chargers be the Chargers and give me this win.

The Rams have quietly become a top NFL offense.  Since committing to Kyren Williams as the lead back, the Rams are 6-2 and move the ball at will.  They are the #6 offense in the NFL in the second half of the season.  They still have a potential playoff berth to play for and now they get to play the New York Giants.  The Giants can't stop good teams from scoring, and I think Tyrod can create enough offense for New York to be competitive and make sure the Rams keep the foot on the floor.  The Saints just scored 24 on 'em.  The Saints!  The Rams should light these guys up.  LA Rams OVER 23.5.

To make a couple of dogshit games interesting I am going to tease Carolina over Jacksonville and the Saints over Tampa.  I think Jacksonville is dead in the water.  They've taken too many injuries and don't have the depth to cover it.  Either Lawrence starts for the Jags with his high ankle sprain and sprained shoulder AC joint two weeks after a concussion OR CJ Beathard with whatever he's nursing after that Bengals game.  Neither option is good.  Jacksonville has scored 12 and 7 in the last two weeks.  Meanwhile Carolina has quietly put together a Top 10 defense on a real piece of shit team.  I think the Panthers can keep this game closer than anyone in Jacksonville suspects.  Carolina +10.5.  

Meanwhile, all the metrics show the Saints to be a pretty good team.  They just can't win games.  In the last month they've been pretty good though.  They hung in there with the Rams last week coming off two straight wins over the Giants and Panthers (holding both to 6 points).  They lost to the Lions by 5 a month ago.  Tampa is on a four game win streak, but that's also against Jacksonville/Green Bay/Atlanta/Carolina.  This game should be close, so give me New Orleans +8.5 in the back half of the teaser.  Saints will probably lose despite outplaying Tampa.  Carolina +10.5/New Orleans +8.5   

Current Record:  26-21-2

 

     

Nurse the Hate: Working For The Man and NFL Week 16

 

I made a mistake while at the supermarket.  I had forgotten the milk.  I don't normally drink milk, but as it is the holidays I was getting crazy and making a recipe that needed milk.  This gave me two options.  I could return to the local grocery store or stop at a convenient store going home.  As the grocery store resembled the chaos of the Fall Of Saigon at the end of the Vietnam War, that was out.  I therefore made a stop at Discount Drug Mart, a store where you can buy transmission fluid, heart medication, Christmas decorations, box wine, a regulation volleyball, and yes, milk.

I don't go to Discount Drug Mart often as I assume whenever a business does everything it does nothing well.  I met a guy back when I was selling radio advertising that had a sports bar called "Rhinos".  The meeting was unforgettable for a couple of reasons.  The owner's name was "Ron", and when he introduced himself to me he said, "The name is Ron.  Take the "R" out of "Ron" and it's on!".  That alone was worth the trip out there.  When we had our delicate negotiations to put his meager ad schedule together I had asked him about what the hook was for the bar.  He then laid out how Rhinos was a sports bar, restaurant, dance club, live music venue, cigar bar, trivia night destination, karaoke contest and brunch place.  He was in many ways the precursor to Mephistos (https://nursethehate.blogspot.com/2016/05/nurse-hate-mephistos.html) and doomed to failure.  This milk situation was an outlier though.  I broke my policy in the name of convenience.

As I was walking in, there was a man with his young boy in the parking lot.  The kid was getting strapped into his car seat and was melting down.  It was full on crying and losing his shit.  The father then said, "Look, when I get home I can call Santa and tell him that you haven't been good.  Do you want me to have him put you on the naughty list?".  Wow, that's harsh.  You're three or four years old, have completely lost your composure and then you find out your father has a direct line to Santa and is willing to rat you out?  You are just a couple days out from the biggest payday of your short life and it's all going down the shitter just because you're having a moment of weakness at the Discount Drug Mart?  And your own father is the one that turns on you?  It's heavy.

In many ways it's a life lesson that is extremely valuable.  The boy had learned that at any given time you are supposed to fear a distant authority figure that can strike with great vengeance and fury at the smallest indiscretion.  In school you need to follow the rules or it will follow you forever on "your permanent record".  The Catholic Church taught me that Almighty God monitored not only my actions but also my thoughts.  In college the smallest misstep could derail you from "potential employers".  Of course, once you are hired somewhere "Corporate" could decide your fate with an ever changing equation of factors.  That kid had just stepped on the track of the rest of his life and he didn't even know it.  Three years old and already fearing The Man.

I felt bad for the kid, but I had other things to worry about.  Things like if Mason Rudolf could possibly be worse than Mitch Tribisky for the sack of shit Steelers offense.  I'm going to take a flier on the Steelers today because I'm buying low.  The Steelers are getting so little regard that there's open discussion about firing Mike Tomlin, this after their in season firing of the OC.  Things are not going well in Pittsburgh.  Meanwhile it's all coming up roses for Browning in Cincinnati.  The Bengals have looked better on the surface than they have all year since Browning got thrust into the starting QB role.  I'm not sure what to make of that, but I'm going to double down against the Bengals in a game both teams are motivated to win.  I'm hoping Pittsburgh makes this an ugly slog and the points are enough. Pittsburgh +3.

The Browns are a team of destiny.  Of course, being the Browns, that means the destiny is they will crush their fans dreams at the worst time in the worst way, but I don't think that's this week.  Both the Browns and Texans have double digit injuries, so the question is "Which random group of strangers from the practice squads is most likely to win?".  The Texans have a weak receiving corps and are starting Case Keenum, a guy just itching to toss a couple picks on fluttery passes across the field.  The Texans don't run the ball well either at 27th in the league, so they'll have to try and pass the ball against the Browns #1 pass defense.  Let's stick with the hot hand of Flacco.  Cleveland -2.5

I think Minnesota is an OK team.  They're not great, they're OK.  OK teams don't get blown out very often.  I don't need the world here.  I just need the Vikings to hang around.  I am going to tease Minnesota with Pittsburgh in two divisional games that I expect to stay at one score.  I'll take both home teams with points even though I'm suddenly very tied to Mason Rudolph.  I need a Xmas miracle.  If Pissburgh goes south on me today, I'll tie Dallas in tomorrow.  Pittsburgh +9/Minnesota +9 or Dallas +8/Minnesota +9. 

Season record:  23-21-2

     

       

      

Nurse the Hate: Life Is Cruel and NFL Week 15

 

There was this kid I knew named Joey.  He was a scary kid who I assume is now in prison.  He was the youngest of four boys.  His older brothers were always suspended from high school and I believe were the last boys on earth to be sent to state funded reform school.  I'm not sure but it seems like now if you have an out of control kid and you are from a family of some means you send them to a boarding school that in the past would have beaten the shit out of your kid as a last ditch effort to get them under control but now probably come to the same failed result via group therapy sessions.  There was a school that used to have a billboard on I-90 out by Ashtabula OH that advertised some terrifying sounding institution with a vaguely military vibe that noted they "helped boys who didn't want to be helped through structure and discipline".  I assume that means torture in some kind of pretend military school.  Yikes.  Anyway, Joey was the last and ignored kid of this family.  I don't even know if he had parents.  I never saw them.  

We all avoided Joey because he was dangerous and scary.  The great thing about being 12 years old is you can identify when a kid is going to be a felon, but when you tell an adult about it they laugh you off as you just being a stupid overly dramatic kid.  That's the way it was in the 1970s.  "Mom!  Joey threatened us with a knife!"  Oh you boys!  Go back out and play!  A 12 year old is surprisingly resilient.  You just get used to the fact that a dangerous kid could be lurking in the woods and you just keep your head on a swivel. 

So one time a group of us wandered down to the railroad trestle at Walnut Creek.  There was a deep hole in the creek where the tunnel dumped the water.  Daredevils were known to jump into the 10-12 foot water (depending on the rainfall) from the 20 foot high trestle.  As soon as we got close we heard boys yelling to each other.  Older boys.  High alert.  We peeped through the bushes like an infantry patrol closing in on a highly guarded German position.  It was Joey and his brothers with their terrifying friends in and around the creek yelling for Joey to jump off the trestle.    

I don't want to shortchange this. I wouldn't have done it then and I sure as hell wouldn't do it now.  The deep part of the creek was surrounded by shale that had been eaten back by the current.  If you jumped off and fucked it up, it would be bad.  Very bad.  Now I had heard about kids jumping off into the water but had never seen it.  I was terrified about being discovered and likely tortured in some way by the older delinquent kids but still transfixed about seeing what would happen.  "Pussy!  Jump you pussy!".  Joey was almost crying.  This was maximum peer pressure.  He was afraid to jump because, let's face it, he should have been.  However, if he didn't jump he might get a beating from the older boys.  He was in a fix.  Now the fear was if he saw us see him in this position of weakness, he would likely deliver a beating to us when he would capture any of us alone.  This was high drama.

In the end, he jumped.  I could tell from the second he jumped the angle was wrong.  He had overcorrected to miss the concrete lip of the tunnel and jumped too far left.  He hit the water with a smack.  He went under very briefly and then his head was above water with a high pitched scream that didn't sound like a noise that should be coming from him.  A small pool of blood rose to the surface. His brother pulled him over to one of the huge rocks on the side of the creek.  Joey kept screaming.  I could see a bone sticking out of his leg.  Holy shit.  The older boys stood there and stared for a second and then launched into damage control, immediately blaming Joey's brother for browbeating the kid into doing it.  I saw it though.  They were all to blame, but the brother was the only one that seemed to care about Joey even a little bit.  We knew this was bad so we did what 12 year olds do, we ran away.  I didn't see Joey for weeks.  He had a filthy cast on his leg when he got on the bus for school that Fall.  He moved away shortly afterwards.

It is a reminder of how cruel life can be, just like the NFL.  A few weeks ago Joe Burrow was the leading man in Cincinnati.  Joe had a bum leg, but he was getting healthy.  Then he pops a tendon in his wrist and suddenly the city is fawning over Jake Browning.  Who?  That's right.  Jake Browning, a guy that I couldn't recognize in a police lineup, is being priced like he is as good as Joe Burrow, a guy that got a 1/4 Billion dollars to play QB.  You are telling me the Bengals are going to give Minnesota, a team that is better than Cincinnati anyway, three points?  Minnesota keeps winning games without Cousins or Jefferson.  They won games with Dobbs for fuck's sake.  Gimme Minnesota +3.

I like Detroit.  The bloom is off the Lions in regards to competing to win the NFC.  I have no faith in the Lions at this point.  However, after two bad losses they get to come back to the Dome and play Denver.  Denver has been on an insane run of getting fortunate turnovers.  That has to even out sometime, like how it has with Pittsburgh.  The only way they can win is to grind and hang around in low scoring games.  The Lions defense blows, but if they can just give them something or if Detroit gets out front early, I think the Lions win and cover.  The Lions need this game and I think Dan Campbell gets them focused.  Side note, Russ Wilson has been bad in domes over his career (whatever that means).  I am going to buy a couple points and go Detroit-3 at -155.

Washington is a mess.  Ron Rivera is a dead man walking.  The defense has either quit or has been exposed.  I don't know if Washington's offense can do anything versus the Rams.  I do know the Rams are still alive in the playoff hunt and McVeigh is coaching his ass off.  With that Ram rookie RB playing, these guys can move the ball.  I'm taking a team total over to eliminate the questions about the Commander offensive effort.  Rams OVER 27.5

Current Record 21-21-1  

Nurse the Hate: Thoughts, Prayers and NFL Week 14

 

As some of you may or may not know, my brother Krusty teaches at UNLV.  This is normally a great gig as it allows the faculty to hone in on the true keys to Las Vegas living such as Player's Card free coffee hustles, insider sports betting "tips" from casino bartenders, and free lunch with video poker machine play.  The downside is having a second mass shooting in recent memory in Vegas, this time on the UNLV campus last week.  Krusty didn't come in contact with the gunman, but heard the gunshots ring out while students and faculty scurried to safety or stood bewildered as to what to do.  He works in the building next door, so the shooting wasn't conceptual.  Three of his colleagues got gunned down for no reason at a place he goes every weekday. 

An active shooter on campus is so common now that everyone drills for the event.  What was once so unthinkable an event like the Texas Clock Tower shooter is so expected that every school (and large public space for that matter) has protocols in place with how to handle someone randomly murdering strangers with guns.  It's hard to imagine.  As a society we have decided that it is acceptable to have a daily mass shooting rather than adjust any gun policy.  As of last week, there were 627 mass shooting events in the United States this year.  The same people that are losing their minds about a woman terminating a dangerous pregnancy in Texas and losing a fetus will not under any circumstances discuss changing gun policy that is so ineffective that 328 people were killed by guns last week.  It's insane.

Something struck me as I watched the "thoughts and prayers" and reactions to the "unthinkable" shooting episode that might not have even made your radar.  This shit is so common now that I think the New York Times relegated it to well down the page by the Holiday Cookie Recipes and theater reviews.  What we are doing now in response to these events isn't working.  Let's embrace it instead.  As we have decided as a society that this is just the way we do business, why do we close down the school for the semester after this shooting?  If I'm UNLV, I send those kids back in to take their finals as soon as the cops dragged the shooter's body away and loaded the morgue with the victims.  You're traumatized and can't take a Marketing 202 Final?  Toughen up kid.  In this country we don't give a shit about a random murder spree.  That event wasn't a "mass shooting".  That was "an expression of Constitutional rights".  Your exam starts now.   

The students and parents will go wild.  "You can't make me take an exam.  I'm fucking freaked out."  Too bad.  This is how we live in the USA.  Get used to it or change it.  Vote these gun lobby toadies out.  The minority has decided that everyone gets a gun, can carry it around with concealed carry, and any change in that policy would somehow piss on the grave of Thomas Jefferson, George Washington and John Adams, three guys that apparently loved a good automatic rifle shootout.  Look it up.  God Bless America.  Until someone really demonstrates the insanity of acceptance of mass shootings have become, we will repeat it just like we have been doing.  Doing what we are doing now IS NOT working. 

Moving on, let's look at this week's games.  There are so many QBs hurt right now, the people of Cleveland are celebrating the performance of Joe Flacco last week like the Browns just signed 1981 Joe Montana.  It was so odd to see the Browns have QB play that looked... professional?  Sure, they lost to the Rams, but Flacco didn't even seem to know the plays yet.  The fact we are debating about who has the edge in QB play this week in the Jacksonville v Browns game- 38 year old Joe Flacco or injured CJ Beathard/really injured Trevor Lawrence- shows you were the league is right now.  Jacksonville on a short week in a shitty cold front rolling in off Lake Erie is a bad spot.  I don't really know if either of these teams is any good.  EVERYONE is hurt on both sides.  I'm taking Cleveland at home with Ward back as #1 corner to eek out a close, sloppy, probably unwatchable game.  Cleveland -1.5

I don't know if you have noticed, but the Bears have quietly morphed into a "sorta shitty" team, a big notch up from "maybe worst team in the league" status where they were back in September.  When I have an opportunity to bet against the Lions playing outdoors in December in Chicago GIVING points, I take it.  I got this at 3.5, and that's a big half point.  My love for the Bears isn't, "they're going to kick the Lions ass". It's more along the lines of "I bet they lose in heartbreaking fashion late but Detroit doesn't cover" area.  Chicago +3.5

Gimme Philadelphia +3.5.  Look, I think Dallas is good but I'm not sure how good.  They usually beat the crap out of bad teams but are they in the circle of trust to cover more than a FG against a good team?  Philadelphia has been running a gauntlet in their schedule, but this is a big game for both teams.  The last thing the Eagles want to do is lose home field advantage and a Playoff bye.  Meanwhile the Cowboys are still alive to win the East.  This is max motivation on both sides.  Hurts looks banged up, but I believe in him in a big game more than I do Dak, and that's only because I watch a lot of football.  

Current Record 19-20-1  

Nurse the Hate: MW Training Action and NFL Week 13

 

It's been a big weekend of MW training as I have been staring down flights of obscure wines that no one in America would order under any circumstances.  Perhaps I am being too presumptuous and maybe you were also trying to figure out if the white wine in your glass was a Grosse Gerwachs Rheingau made in an uncompromising dry style.  I don't really know what you do with your weekends.  Me?  I'm writing at length trying to justify why the tannic structure in some big asskicker red wine is cabernet sauvignon from Argentina.  It wasn't by the way.  It was tannat.  But let's get past all this and focus in on what is happening after I finish my mock exam this morning.

I have watched Philadelphia win game after game pulling it out of their asses late.  There is NO WAY they should have beaten Buffalo last week, especially since Buffalo ran 97 offensive plays in the five full quarters that game went last Sunday.  My thought is that if teams get banged up playing a full game, playing 1.25 games is even worse.  It's certainly not an ideal situation when having to play what appears to be the best team coming to your place in a revenge spot.  If Philadelphia wins here, it's hard to imagine them not winning it all.  It's just a horrible spot for them.  San Francisco -3.

Kansas City is the best team in the AFC I guess?  I don't know though.  They keep winning despite not looking very impressive.  Public perception is that the Chiefs are this offensive juggernaut but that offense is Patrick Mahomes, 34 year old Kelce and a bunch of guys.  I think that the Packers are making the move from "the Packers suck" to "the Packers are sorta OK".  Don't get me wrong, the Chiefs will somehow win the game, but Green Bay at home in December should be able to hang around.  Green Bay +6

Washington is about as low as they can be in Public Perception after getting their asses kicked while everyone looked on during Thanksgiving.  Ron Rivera is a Dead Man Walking, and Washington's players must be looking at the schedule thinking "Fuck, when is this going to be over?".  In theory, this is the perfect time to bet on Washington, when everyone else wouldn't dare.  I just can't do it though.  I can't.  This is probably a mistake.  I am going to go into this thinking the embarrassment by the defensive unit results in max effort today.  I'll take the overrated Miami offense and Washington to go Under 49.5.

Season Record:  17-19-1