Sunday, September 28, 2014

Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL Week 4 2014

It is a quiet Sunday with nothing to do but think and gamble on Football.  This is what God intended when he sent Moses walking across the water to proclaim Sunday as a day of rest and perform the miracle of the fishes to all those tailgaters at that party so long ago.  I may have missed a detail or two on that.  I didn't pay attention as much as I should have in Sunday School.  However, the important thing to remember is Sunday is what you make of it.  I will not allow my Sunday to be compromised by bad vibes.  All around me others are making terrible decisions, but I will be strong and move ahead in a brave new world.  Some of you will come with me on a ride to glory.  Others will be left behind wondering about opportunities lost and why you can't pay the electric bill.

I will once again break my cardinal rule and bet on the Jets.  I don't know why I am doing this.  It is sure to end in disaster, yet then again isn't life just a series of doomed mistakes repeated again and again?  Don't even get me started on a discussion of the wheel and spoke theory of time and choice and destined outcomes.  It's too much to deal with...  That is the kind of talk that is best for late night hours by a fire where the fog of the evening will allow the jibbersih to make sense.  A bottle of cognac and a professorial guy in a turtleneck smoking a pipe thoughtfully would help too.  It has no place on a Sunday morning where the goal is to pick winners.  Nobody wants an asshole with a pipe and an Abe Lincoln beard around when you are going to lay down money on a dysfunctional team like the Jets.  Hear me out on this thing though...  The Jets have covered their last 17 of 19 after a loss.  That is because since the Jets are based out of Media Capital USA, and the overreaction to a Jets loss makes the public question if the team will ever win again.  Frankly, I don't know if they will or can, I just need the cover.  I'm on the Jets at home +2.  Oh, one more thing... The Lions are 4-16 as road favorites.  You on board now?  Jets +2

The Miami Dolphins are playing the Oakland Raiders in London today.  This must be some payback we have on the British for something that happened in the late 1700s.  I have no idea why they have to be subject to such a horrible football game as this.  Then again, we have had to endure the Spice Girls, Culture Club, and endless coverage of the Royal Wedding.  They should have to watch a jet lagged Dolphins team do almost nothing against a plain out horrible Raider team at some horribly inflated ticket price.  Oakland has lost 15 in a row in EST.  Now they flew another six hours east to play?  I don't care if the Dolphins got to England by being washed ashore on a shipwreck.  I'm on Miami all day at -3.5.

It took about a decade, but the General Public finally woke up to the fact that the Dallas Cowboys suck.  They have always been the glitzy team that everyone talks about, but no one seemed to notice that they are really just the Detroit Lions with better cheerleaders.  Now it has become so fashionable to shit talk the Cowboys that everyone assumes they will lose no matter who they are playing.  For example, Vegas estimates that the Cowboys would be +4 against Yale.  OK, I made that up, but it was only to be clever and make a point.  They would kick the fuck out of Yale.  Well, at home they would.  I think.  Today Dallas plays New Orleans in Dallas and they are getting three at home.  I have a sneaking suspicion that the Saints aren't all that pundits think they are, while Dallas is better than perception.  I'll take the Cowboys at home with a field goal.  Why?  The Saints are 1-7 in their last eight road games.  The Saints only play well at home where they get the benefit of the opposing team staying up till 5am in a transvestite jazz club after knocking back too many hurricanes in some filthy Bourbon Street tourist trap.  It's tough to blitz Brees effectively when barfing every ten minutes.  Dallas +3.

Season Record:  6-3

Friday, September 26, 2014

Nurse the Hate: The Brown Group

I was speaking with my neighbor yesterday.  He coaches swimming to young kids.  He told me that the kids have been broken up into three basic groups; Red, Blue and Brown.  The Red Group are the kids that are really good and are part of "travel swimming", which must be 12 year old version of being in the Rolling Stones in 1969.  Those kids must pull a lot of ass in the pools at The Holidomes when they are on the road.  "That's right baby.  I just blew into Ft. Wayne tonight for a meet tomorrow.  Whattya say we get to know each other a little better in my suite upstairs...  Bring some change for the vending machine." 

The Blue Group are the kids that are pretty good and are working towards getting inside the golden gates of the Red Group and enjoying the spoils of that association.  These are kids with some potential, which separate them from the dreaded Brown Group.  Those are the kids that are horribly overweight or somehow have no natural buoyancy.  They have been placed in swimming as an activity geared towards heading off their parent's grim vision of their future.  I mean, no one wants to be the parent of a kid that might never leave the basement with a life devoted to video games and serial masturbation.  I get it.  There aren't many that escape the clutches of The Brown Group though.  It's a nature vs nurture argument that has confounded scientists for decades. 

First of all, while I think there is some merit to naming the groups by colors as opposed to "Champions", "Contenders" and "Losers", children are generally alert enough to pick up on the fact that they have been labeled as a de facto "loser" by being in such an unsexy color group as "brown".  Even if the color name alone wasn't an indication of their place in the pecking order, just a casual look around to see that they have been placed in a group with pale asthmatics and soft pudgy kids waiting on a bench while the athletic kids glide through the pools like seals should answer any questions.  While the intention of building confidence through physical achievement is admirable, it actually has the opposite effect.  "Attention everyone!  The popular boys are now in the pool!  Gaze upon this motley crew of misfits!  These are my people!  I am them and they are me!"

When I first moved to Erie PA as an eight year old it was midyear in school.  The teachers, as opposed to figuring out what my reading level was, decided to start me in the bottom group.  I suppose they wanted me to fight my way through the ranks like a boxer.  As I recall, the top group were "The Red Roses" as the majority of the group were girls.  The bottom group were something like "The Brown Bananas".  On the first day I looked around my new group and saw one kid that kept crawling around on the floor, and one that I had already identified as a paste eater.  These were the misfits.  Oh, I'm sorry... They were "special needs".  At the time, they were tackling "Rover Walks To School" while the Red Roses were knee deep in "Crime and Punishment".  We met in a special room by the hot water tank in the basement while the Red Roses sat in the sunshine in special chairs.  I used all my eight year old guile to get myself out of what was an elementary school version of a minimum security prison. When it was my turn to read, I buzzed through the entire book while the teacher kept demanding that I stop to allow others to struggle through sentences like "He was a good dog".  I moved up the ranks that week until I eventually became a "Red Rose".  It was then that the boys demanded a vote in the group name.  With my ascension and one of the girls being demoted, the "Red Roses" shockingly became the "Red Rockets".  It was all belly laughs and back slaps on the playground for me that day. 

As I think about it, most of my once fellow compatriots in The Brown Group remained in different versions of The Brown Group forever.  Was that because they didn't have the genetic gifts to achieve in 21st Century America?  Or was it they had been labeled and then even they themselves felt like they were always second best?  Granted, that kid David that ate paste whenever we made crap out of construction paper was never going to be a scholar.  Bob, one of the others, is currently sitting in prison for bashing his dealer's head in with a baseball bat and then tossing the body over a fence like that would solve the problem.  Hmmm...  I don't know if I will ever attend one of those swim meets, but if I do, I'm keeping my eyes out for The Brown Group.  

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Nurse the Hate: 2014 Hate the NFL Week 3

I will be attending today's Browns v. Ravens game.  I am already annoyed at the crowd.  The following things will happen today.  1.  A guy standing in the lines for the urinals will say "Is this where all the dicks hang out?".  Inexplicably several others guys will laugh at this as if it is the first time they have ever heard this lame joke.  The initial guy that made the remark will then grin ear to ear at how clever he is, feeling like a million bucks.  2.  A guy several rows in front of me will stand up and turn to face the crowd on a second and nine in the first half, angrily waving his arms and screaming for everyone else to "Get up!  Get up!" out of their seats.  He will then sit down and repeat this process during the game, getting increasingly worked up.  He will then complain that "it isn't like it was in the old stadium".  3.  There will be some really drunk guy sitting behind me that will scream profanity laced insults at the Ravens despite the fact that an eleven year old girl is sitting directly in front of him.  This will be language that would cause Redd Foxx to blush.  When ushers eventually come to confront him, he will be the one offended and also settle into the position of "It isn't like it was in the old stadium".

To keep my sanity, I plan on gambling wildly on today's games.  Once again, I have no real idea what is about to happen, but have convinced myself that I know something because I drive around and hear about 37 hours of sports radio a week (effectively decreasing my IQ by 7 points weekly).  There is no other explanation as to why I am taking Washington +6.5 today against the Eagles.  The Redskins look like a mess, though I suspect that they will look better today with kinda shitty Cousins at QB instead of kinda shittier Griffin III.  Philadelphia doesn't cover at home very well, and they are coming off a hard fought Monday night game where lots of dudes limped off the field.  For whatever reason, the East Coast press has focused on the Eagles this year.  I heard a sound byte where a commentator called Eagle coach Brian Kelly "the greatest football coach of all time".  Um, what?  With all that shit talk out there, give me the 6.5 after the Eagles short week.

God help me, but I am taking the Giants +2.5.  Yes, I realize how horrible the Giants have looked.  They looked bad in pre season and then took that right into the regular season to look horrible there too.  However, they are -5 on turnovers in two games while Houston is +5.  These things have a way of leveling out.  I remember hearing a stat once that in the NFL, a team that wins the turnover battle wins 167% of the time (or something like that).  Houston is overrated and the Giants are underrated.  I'll take NY at home with points.  Please note that this breaks my cardinal rule of never betting on truly horrible teams.  I fully expect to lose this but am doing it anyway.

I am taking Seattle at home today -5 over Denver.  I suspect that everyone on the planet is also on Seattle -5, but the facts about the Seahawks covering at home are too much to ignore.  The last time Seattle did not cover at home, powered ships were only a dream.  The Wright Brothers were tinkering in a garage with a "flying machine".  Teddy Roosevelt was president.  Covered wagons rolled in clunky fashion on square tires as the wheel had not yet been invented.  Saber tooth tigers routinely devoured children at school bus stops.  General George Custer led a troop of brave men to their deaths in the First World War fighting the Japanese at Pearl Harbor.  It's all very confusing to pinpoint when the Seahawks last failed to cover at home, OK?  I'm on them.  Seattle -5.

Season Record 3-3

Friday, September 19, 2014

Nurse the Hate: The Some Girls Story

It was obvious from the moment he entered the turn he would not make it.  The sheer weight of the Crown Victoria was roughly that of a World War 2 battleship.  To expect the car to turn sharply on the gravel road was at best optimistic and at the worst foolhardy.  I was sitting in the enormous back seat which was roughly the size of my first apartment.  Of course, I was not wearing a seatbelt.  I don’t even know if Crown Victorias that old had seatbelts as some sort of “Premium Safety Option” package.  This car was built in an age when safety was considered to be for cowards, children routinely hopped around moving vehicles like they were trampolines, and a considerate smoker slightly opened the side wedge window while plowing through a pack of smokes.  I held onto the strap by the window as my ass started to slide across the rich Corinthian leather seat.

The Rolling Stones “Some Girls” cassette was playing on the stereo.  At the time, this was the album favored by gentlemen our age as the line “…black girls just want to get fucked all night” in the title track seemed very edgy and we felt made us seem more worldly.  None of us actually knew if that was a fact regarding the sexual proclivities of African American women, but we assumed that since Mick Jagger said it, it was true.  Maybe that allowed us to think that the suburban white girls in our world didn’t really know what was going on, and their rejection of us had more to do with their poor sexual wiring than our own complete lack of qualities that would interest them.  Ignorance is bliss.  Sing on Mick.

The first couple of trees we knocked over were small.  Larger than saplings to be sure, but offering little resistance to the gigantic steel hulk sliding across scrub.  My eyes made contact with Chris who seemed to look right through me, the whites of the eyes never larger.  He looked like a caricature of himself.  Ron Wood’s tasteful slide guitar offered a nice compliment to the sound of the ground scraping under the car and thuds of objects bouncing off the side quarter panels.  We didn’t appear to be slowing down at all.  The speed we had maintained on the road, aggressive but certainly not beyond reason, seemed suddenly to be insanely reckless.  It’s all context really.  60 mph on the highway is slow, but is eye opening on a boat.

Moments earlier we had been talking over the din of “Some Girls” side one about the party the night before.  Wildly exotic girls had been at Dave’s house.  At this point in life “wildly exotic” meant they had attended a different high school.  A scandal had occurred when Sherry’s younger sister went in the other room with a different boy than expected, this action effectively shuffling the cards on all future potential couplings in the small social circle.  It was such a major event that it took precedence over the boy that had been dry humping Sherry’s even younger sister and had then ejaculated in his pants, the stained front of his jeans a combination of honor and shame.  The seemingly minor events of the evening had been dissected again and again, gone over like the Zapruder film.  This was now all forgotten as the car continued to slide through the woods.

It is interesting the suddenness that ends a car crash.  The long suspension of time through the slide ends as if a switch has been flipped.  The long moments of anxious loss of control give way to the quick inventory of your situation.  OK.  We’re stopped.  Fuck.  OK.  I think I’m OK.  Ow.  My head hurts.  Damn.  That’s going to be a knot on my head.  I think we’re OK though.  Yeah.  We’re OK.

The car had come to a sudden stop after the rear end smacked a large tree.  The back was dented in.  Mud decorated the car with diminishing thickness the higher up from the ground.  The front wheel was pushed in, and now would rotate in a completely off-kilter fashion in the unlikely event the car could be driven away from the accident site.  One of the guys was totally animated, offering an adrenalin fueled status report spiced with heavy profanity.  Chris looked on silently at his car, probably assessing the physical beating that would be inflicted from his stepfather.  “Before They Make Me Run” began inside the car’s stereo.  Keith Richards raspy vocals wafted out as the still running car made unnatural ticks and knocks.

Maybe it was the late afternoon sunlight today, or the unmistakable scent of Fall approaching in the air.  Whatever it was, when the iPod decided to play “Before They Make Me Run” this afternoon my mind went immediately back to that night.  I hadn’t thought about it in years, yet there was the memory like a new movie playing back across my brain.  That’s the power of music really.  It is like a key that unlocks a flood of memories or feelings.  All you have to do is pay attention. 

Tonight my band releases another full length.  I hope that just one person takes this record to heart, and it becomes a soundtrack to a moment in their life.  Years from now when whatever their newfangled music storage system plays one of our songs, they will think “I remember that night when I…”  I don’t know if Mick and Keith would care about my particular story, but if someone told that to me about our record, it would be my honor.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Nurse the Hate: NFL 2014 Week 2

This morning there is more chatter about the Ray Rice situation, the role of Roger Goodell, and Adrian Peterson somehow being charged by a grand jury because he swatted his kid with a switch.  I remember when football used to be about the actual games.  Granted, that seems like a really long time ago, but it was better then.  I prefer not knowing anything about the players beyond where they played their college ball.  Almost every football player I knew in college or high school was an asshole, so I have always assumed that these NFL guys are assholes too.  I don't need to know how they are raising their kids or about their fucked up relationships.  I just want to know if the guy can play on Sunday.  Is there some kind of Google filter where I can get less information?  Wasn't life somehow better when the players were whoever you thought they were?  I much preferred the smiling fun-loving Willie Mays I had in my mind than the cranky old man I met in Chicago once.  Say Hey Kid my ass...

This morning I woke up much earlier than intended.  I took the bassets on a long walk which should have in theory provided me time to really break down these games today, but instead I altered between thoughtful rumination and yelling "Monty!  Get out of there!".  The gentle breeze provided just enough push for glassy Lake Erie to make gentle "wooshing" sounds as I considered the rhythms of life, my failure to be cuddled up in bed, the changing of the seasons, and the reality that the New England Patriots are only giving three points to the Vikings today.  Life is funny that way.  Just when you think you have it all figured out, something crazy comes along to reconfigure everything that you considered to be order.

Let me take you through my thought process on this.  We know that gambling institutions attempt to manipulate gambling lines to trick the public into getting on the wrong side.  For example, the general public is used to the Patriots being an elite team, so therefore they assume that they will win all the time.    The Patriots are a favorite here, but at a much smaller line than one would expect.  The Vikings have been pretty shitty for years, and this week their best player Adrian Peterson is out.  One would expect that this line would be New England -7 or more.  However, the line still sits at 3.5.  Easy play, right?  Take the Patriots and cash in!  Ah, but what if that is the trick?  What if Vegas knows that even though the Patriots will probably win, they won't win by more than a field goal?  Therefore, the move is to bet on the Vikings, and outsmart the books.  However, doesn't that seem transparent?  It is so obvious that the line should be higher, the fact that it isn't means that is the line manipulation, and by noticing that the big money players will be lured to bet on the always shitty Vikings.  So just as you get ready to bet the Patriots is when you notice that 85% of the public is on the Patriots, which means they can't possibly win.  The Public, as we know, is always wrong.   To summarize, because the Patriots should win this game the move should be to bet on the Patriots but because the line is so low the real move is to bet on the Vikings which in all reality is the double cross trick so the bet now becomes the Patriots except for the fact that 85% of the consensus is on New England so we are now back to the Vikings.  Minnesota +3.5.

I love betting against Cincinnati.  People I know in Cincinnati also like to bet against Cincinnati.  It is not because they are disloyal, it is because they pay attention.  They know that despite having great talent, the team will somehow go 9-7 and maybe worm into the playoffs where they will be waxed by some lesser team.  This is because Marvin Lewis is the type of coach that can take his and lose to yours, or take yours and lose to his.  He can pull defeat out of the jaws of victory at any moment.  If the Brown family wasn't so cheap, they would have fired him and brought in a real coach years ago, but for the fact that Lewis gets paid in Starbucks gift cards they keep him on.  I love Atlanta +5.5 today, not because I think they are a better team necessarily but because Cincinnati will somehow win by three on a shaky late field goal despite dominating all afternoon.

I am considering taking the Jets +9 at Green Bay later today.  This illustrates why I am, at heart, a fool. I know the Jets cannot provide a winning wager.  I even put it in a lyric of a song in 2004 ("Jesus Walks Beside Me"- The Whiskey Daredevils Greatest Hits).  For a decade or more I have been aware that the New York Jets exist solely to take money from unsuspecting buffoons like myself.  Yet, I sort of think that they might hang in there against Green Bay this afternoon.  Yes, I know Geno Smith will throw a soul crushing interception late in this game to provide the Pack with the easy cover.  It is like I have seen this in a vision.  Yet, it does not matter.  If I break into a bottle of Rhone this afternoon as planned, I will be filled with liquid courage and the euphoria of wine fueled conviction that today is the day the Jets won't let me down.  I would really appreciate it if someone contacts me at 345p this afternoon to talk me down if I try and place this wager.  Jets +9.  Maybe.

2014 season record:  2-1

Friday, September 12, 2014

Nurse the Hate: The Ray Rice Situation

I would not want to be in Ray Rice's shoes right now. Obviously having an incident in your recent past where you knocked out a woman cold with a punch in the face is not good.  No matter how much therapy, Jesus, and anger management Rice manages to cobble together, he will always be "that wife beater dude".  Making matters worse for him, the imagined worst case scenario that people conjured up in their heads thinking of "guy punches woman" can't possibly be as bad as that video tape.  It's about as bad a personal and public relations situation possible.  Ray Rice lost his profession, his endorsement revenue, and is being shown non-stop on every media outlet available at his worst possible moment.  That's bad.  However, what is even worse is that he has now become the lightning rod for domestic violence as a societal issue.  Every special interest organization with striking distance of this incident wants to use it as a soapbox to further their agenda.  People who don’t even know who Ray Rice was a week ago now have him as public enemy #1.  I don’t feel bad for him, but boy did his life take a bad turn after that trip to Atlantic City.

This thing is now like a snowball out of control.  It’s not about Rice knocking out that poor woman anymore.  It is now about organizations seizing the moment to further their agendas.   For example, I saw a quote from Terry O’Neil, the president of the National Organization of Women stating, “"The NFL has lost its way. It doesn't have a Ray Rice problem; it has a violence against women problem.   The only workable solution is for Roger Goodell to resign and for his successor to appoint an independent investigator with full authority to gather factual data about domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking within the NFL community and to recommend real and lasting reforms."  Is it just me that finds that conclusion a bit extreme?  Maybe I am out of touch, but I do not perceive that the NFL is “pro-violence on women”.

I do find it amazing when the general public is appalled when very violent men that are provided great reward and a sense of entitlement for hurting other people demonstrate off the field that they are very violent and entitled men.  "Hey, that linebacker that we love watching injure people in slow motion on Sundays just went to a nightclub and beat the crap out of someone!"  No.  You don't say.  That's odd.  I wonder why he behaved violently?  That is so out of character.  To try and compare this tiny percentage of the population with the general population is crazy.  This is a very different collection of cats that live in a world that has nothing to do with the world the rest of us live in.  While that doesn’t excuse their violent behavior, especially in the case of domestic abuse, to think that this behavior is a shock to anyone is ridiculous.  Some of these guys are unhinged. It's why we watch them. 

To suggest that the NFL somehow become a societal judge for the behavior of their employees is absurd.  That's what the courts are for.  A football league that is primarily concerned with providing sports entertainment at great profit cannot be expected to cure the ills of society.  They can be expected to reflect the ills of society, not cure them.  The NFL just wants to sell TV rights and tickets, as well they should.  I don’t need those assholes telling me what to do, just like I don’t need the government telling me what to do.  Everyone knows it is unacceptable to knock a woman out cold with a punch in the face.  The NFL doesn’t want that.  It’s bad business.  However, it shouldn’t be up to the NFL to be the final world on the severity of domestic violence in America.  For example, Ray Rice is facing no criminal charges. Hell, his wife even forgave him and married him.  So why should the NFL be expected to inflict a harsher penalty than the actual legal system?  While the Ravens themselves cut him loose, let's not start thinking they are swell guys in this.  Ray Lewis was involved in a murder while with the team years ago and yet the future Hall of Famer didn't miss a game.  Rice, an almost used up running back still owed millions?  Sorry Ray Rice, hit the bricks...  Your behavior is shocking.  And can you polish the Ray Lewis statute in front of the stadium while you go?  The NFL has always been about winning games while pretending to care about social issues if it was in their best interests. 

Roger Goodell will probably survive this firestorm.  His employers, the NFL owners, don’t want him to go anywhere.  These are some of the most powerful business owners in the country who have an army of public relations teams and legal shock troops that will quell this situation by next week.  Some sort of token foundation will be set up.  Speeches will be made.  Public service announcements will be created.  Whatever needs to happen to keep the money machine rolling will happen, frankly as it should.  The NFL is a business, and nothing more.  However, if I’m Ray Rice, I head for a cave in Mexico somewhere.  These guys are going to need a sacrificial lamb to placate the mob and it sure is looking like he's The Guy.  He needs to start over, change his name, find that beach at the end of Shawshank and start work sanding a shitty boat.   

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Nurse the Hate: NFL 2014 Week 1

I have built up my coffers over the summer with some well placed MLB wagers and World Cup.  I have positioned myself perfectly to now give that money back by wandering into the wilderness of mirrors that is the NFL.  This is a well worn tradition with me at this point.  I know full well I have no hope of winning money on the NFL.  No one does.  It’s a Fool’s Paradise.  There is no edge to be had anywhere in this over exploited circus.  While you may think you know something because ESPN told you (and 27 billion other people) that Cam Newton might not play against Tampa, the guys that make the lines in Vegas have his X-rays and a team of top physicians evaluating them.   You don’t know anything.  There are a bunch of guys sitting in a windowless room in Las Vegas right now laughing about how much money they are going to rake in by manipulating the Dallas line just enough to get suckers like me to say, “Dallas at home with points?  Oh yeah!”.

It should be noted that I don’t now know anything nor have I ever known anything.  This is a different sort of stupidity though.  With only preseason to cloud my judgement, I have the reasoning ability of a tadpole.  I'm just blindly reacting.  The start of the NFL season is different than week eight.  By week eight I will be operating under the false idea that I know what is going on since I watched a bunch of games and listened to equally small brained sports talk show chatter.  I won’t know anything then and I don’t now.  The key is I am openly telling you that for the most part I have no idea who is good and who isn’t.  Yet, this will not stop what is about to happen.  Despite what I have just told you, I think I know something about a couple of teams though.   This will be my downfall just as it has been for years.   

So what do I think I know?

There is no way the Cowboys are going to beat the 49ers.  The Cowboys had a historically bad defense last year.  That’s actually the good news in Dallas.  The bad news is that they lost their three top players off of that shit defense.  Tony Romo, coming off back surgery, is going to have to lead the offense to score 40 points a game every week.  I would also like to point out that two things that don’t go together are recovering from back surgery and being tackled by 300 pound defensive linemen.  The Dallas Cowboys are one big hit away from Brandon Weeden coming in at quarterback.  I will come clean and say though it makes me a bad person to wish ill health on Tony Romo, the spectre of watching Brandon Weeden play QB for the Cowboys all year is maybe my greatest dream as long as we toss out riding a motorcycle nude in a Mardi Gras parade.  I think Dallas is going to be really bad this year, and San Francisco -4 is something to really load up on.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the New York Jets are going to be pretty good.  I don’t mean “win the Super Bowl and get fellated by models in trendy New York nightclubs” good, but more like “Hey, the fucking Jets won again?” good.  I picture them at 9-7 and maybe getting pasted in the first round of the Playoffs.  So, to go 9-7 you have to beat the Raiders at home, and that’s what they are going to do on Sunday.  I’m a little concerned about giving 5.5 points as Geno Smith is right now planning on how to throw some interceptions deep in his own territory.  However, the Raiders are trotting out a rookie QB who gets to make his debut in New York where Jet fans are going to yell out a lot of things about his mom and cocks and stuff.  I’m on the Jets -5.5.

It makes no sense to me that the Houston Texans are -3 to Washington.  As I recall, the Texans had the worst record in the league last year.  Meanwhile Washington has the RG3 fella running around like he does in those soft drink ads.  Washington also has three big time receivers and a legit running game.  This seems like one of those games where the public will load up on the Redskins because when you get down to it, no one is even sure who is on the Texans team.  Washington and RG3 get so much media coverage, it makes you forget that RG3 kind of sucks now and Cousins is probably a better QB.  Meanwhile, the Texans had 117 injuries last year and are only a year removed from being a playoff team.  I think their D-line is going to kick the crap out of Washington’s o-line.  I also think every schmo on the planet is going Washington with the points, which is why I am doing the opposite and taking Houston -3.  I’ll bet by the time this game goes off, it will be Houston -1 or pick ‘em.   Bet close to kickoff on this one.